Nice story and I will certainly be watching to see when the next chapters post.
I saw from the profile page that you have submitted a few stories, so knowing you are serious I do have one bit of constructive criticism for you. I debated about sending it privately, but as it isn't a biggie and could help others too, I included it here.
The crit is repetition of words...here is an example
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His lecherous grin told her she had to be on her toes if she was going to deal with him. Unfortunately, she didn't have any more money and she knew she had to take the chance of dealing with him. She couldn't afford the reputable photographers, so she had to deal with people like him.
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Three x deal in one paragraph makes it stutter along as opposed to flowing smoothly.
Another example on the same page was the word glove in the paragraph when he was looking for it in the box.
As I said though, lovely story and I certainly will continue reading to see how sleaze bag manages to drag her further into the pit.
Your thoughts for the continuation has me sitting on the edge of my seat :-)
by
Anonymous07/21/14
Where's the Website
Wood love to see something like this on a real website, and gladly pay for it, just to experience a mind blowing cock spewing blast of pleasure as I watched her cum while rubbing my cock in time to her screams of bliss. oldvintner@msn.com
English
Oupa
Nice story and I will certainly be watching to see when the next chapters post.
I saw from the profile page that you have submitted a few stories, so knowing you are serious I do have one bit of constructive criticism for you. I debated about sending it privately, but as it isn't a biggie and could help others too, I included it here.
The crit is repetition of words...here is an example
-------
His lecherous grin told her she had to be on her toes if she was going to deal with him. Unfortunately, she didn't have any more money and she knew she had to take the chance of dealing with him. She couldn't afford the reputable photographers, so she had to deal with people like him.
--------
Three x deal in one paragraph makes it stutter along as opposed to flowing smoothly.
Another example on the same page was the word glove in the paragraph when he was looking for it in the box.
As I said though, lovely story and I certainly will continue reading to see how sleaze bag manages to drag her further into the pit.
Very nice
Your thoughts for the continuation has me sitting on the edge of my seat :-)
Where's the Website
Wood love to see something like this on a real website, and gladly pay for it, just to experience a mind blowing cock spewing blast of pleasure as I watched her cum while rubbing my cock in time to her screams of bliss. oldvintner@msn.com
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