All Comments on 'How "Lucky" Am I?'

How do I rate this tale? Our hero Jake lost sixteen years of his life married to that low-life betraying two-timing slut of a wife. She enjoyed the best of both worlds with her girlfriend and boyfriend and her husband and kids, which were her boyfriends. The cunt betrayed everyone. Except the boyfriend who got to share two pussies at a time. I think her life should have been as ruined as her "luckless" husbands was. Well written and well thought out but totally unsatisfying. Having my life ruined by a cunt I won't rate this because it hits me close to home. If I was in that type of situation I know what I would do and it wasn't what happened here. For that reason this gets no rating. I'll let others do the judging.

Just one crazed man's opinion

can one guy stand, TK U MLJ LV NV

This had a clever plot, with a few unusual twists, but poor spelling, grammar & tense errors didn't help. For me it just failed to click properly, something basic was missing; one thing that baffled me was - where were the twins when the terrible trio went off to play in Vegas, they seemed like a forgotten accessory. Sorry, this could, should have been a great story, the ingredients were all there, unfortunately, as the chef you really sucked; very disappointing. 2**

in this one... all you have to is check the percentage numbers... A lot of fathers are raising someone's children not of his Making...

However, there definitely should of been some kind of payback. For what she did to him, to just let her walk is not acceptable. For both she and her lovers there should be retribution.

Much better than the Deployment debacle, (sorry).

as always very well written, and it was a good, well paced read. I liked that you put it all in one post rather than over a few days. Also, I think that the details here were much better than in Deployment, which I really liked but thought had a few holes. This was crisper.

Thanks for writing.

Very similar to DeYakens SheChoseMe, but with a decidedly different twist. I liked it. The only major negative is Tasha in the end was relatively unscathed. If anyone needed to dance on the end of a rope it was her. But then again love will cause hatred too.

Well played

While I love his argument about double standards, and agree completely with his examples, I have one quibble:

Those aren't "women's" double standards, those are society's double standards, most men would also believe in most of them, except maybe for the household chores ones.

"BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU! Don't you get it Jake? I wanted you. Tasha wanted me to leave you, but I couldn't do that. I tried to get her to replace Mark with you. I wanted US to be in the relationship with her. But she hated you. She told me she would rather die than share me with you. Then she gave me an ultimatum. She wanted me to make a choice between the two of you. I CHOSE YOU. That's why I proposed to you. That was me making my choice. THAT'S WHY SHE MOVED OUT!"

Alex: "Do you remember when you and Tasha and I went out for dinner after your graduation? Should I tell you what Tasha said to me while you were in the loo? She said "You know she'll never be with you, right little man? No matter how much you hang around her like a sad ass puppy, she will NEVER give you the bone. She has needs, but not ones that can be satisfied by that little Vienna sausage that you have." You say you chose me, but deep down you know that is not so. When you truly had a choice to make, when Tasha came back to you a month after our marriage, then you had a choice. You could have chosen to be true to me and send Tasha away. But you didn't choose me, you chose Tasha. Obviously I was never ever more than number two in your life."

I have to comment before I forget.

I realize he is infatuated, but he has to grow a set.

He has to tell Melony to either tell Tasha to shut her trap, move, or they are through.

I'm willing to bet that Tasha is going to figure into his undoing. And I've got some suspicions about Mark, too!

The only way to even THINK about reconciliation is for her break things off COMPLETELY with Tasha.

One other thing. She knows hubby has low sperm count, unlikely to have kids, yet she fucks Mark unprotected?

Re Tasha being only winner - yes, she ended up with what she wanted, and yes, she was a total bitch, but remember, SHE was the one originally cheated on. So she actually had reason for her attitude, though she might have been a little more gracious in victory, for the sake of the woman she loves if for no other reason, who presumably is upset at the end of her marriage.

You lose, you don't always get the satisfaction of seeing your tormentors suffer. But hot ****, would I like to see this story with a more fleshed out ending. Mel should get to suffer "on screen" a bit, like he did, heheh. That said, I'm not particulary BTB partial, so that suffering may only be caused by losing him, and the kids hating her, and so on.

So, to be clear, while I think the story is marvellous, I feel like that last page shoud be blown up to a whole chapter. But that may be my need for closure speaking.

In any case, my congratulations to the author. GOOD JOB.

PD what Mel did is, IMO, one of the worst things you can do to a man. Similar to a Britease story, though in that one the protagonist ends up marrying his not-daughter ^^.

First: I think this was a good effort, and shows a greater depth than some of your other stuff. I always enjoy seeing the progress of an author. Yes, the more you write, the better you get.

Second: Sure, this tale had a lot of common themes shared with other "famous" LW stories here, but you were very successful in putting your own distinctive voice to it. You added enough details and spins to clearly identify this as a "javmor". While it IS a challenge to be original in a saturated genre, it is possible to create a fresh POV. I believe the secret is creating distinctive characters. While their actions may mirror the actions of other characters in other stories, if the author is successful in showing distinctive PERSONALITIES for these characters, the story telling can be perceived as original. So YES, the secret formula is in the character development. I think that this story relates your strongest character development to date. Good work!

Third: I will comment on the lack of descriptions of the sex life between the narrator and Mel. I will give you the benefit-of-the-doubt in that making it difficult to talk about for the narrator helps to provide insight into the depth of the betrayal he was experiencing at the time of his "perfect" world unraveling around him. However, you grace the reader with a few sentences that seem are meant to be telling, yet lack explanation or greater description. OK, we have a guy in a 15 year relationship. He loves his wife, he feels like they have a strong sexual relationship. EVERYTHING we know about Mel describes her as a very sexual person. SO.....how is it that they manage to go MONTHS without sex, right before the end? Now there are and can be many explanations for this, but as the author, you didn't provide the reader with any. It is uncharacteristic that SHE would have put up with the situation as long as she did...(and here is the important part...) without fearing that HE was starting to realize that she was living her double life. She is smart, she is in control, but she is ALSO blissfully unaware of the unraveling of the deception? She never felt threatened or worried that the "TRUTH" may have been revealed? She doesn't question the uncharacteristic behavior of the man "she knows better than he knows himself?" Hmm.....

Ok, you mention that she tries to prod him into sexual situations, even makes a classic "shit-or-get-off-the-pot" semi-literal ultimatum. But even after he weakly maintains that he is "pre-occupied" with "slaying the dragon", how is it that she never questions just what this "dragon" IS? How does she accept the loss of intimacy with her husband, and NOT question WHY? You relate it like she was over-confident, and taking him for granted. OK, that works for explaining away a few weeks, not several MONTHS!

I accept that as the narrator, he didn't want to reflect too much on their past sex life IF he was embarrassed by not seeing the clues in their lovemaking that she was constantly intimate with others. I can accept that he was feeling inadequate, and as a man whose pride was wounded, had trouble expounding on his feelings about this. But realistically, I view this more as an omission by the author, rather than a clever characterized POV. I don't think that any of this required another chapter, but in establishing the timeline, (as you chronicle the end of the marriage) you simply state "a year later, the divorce was final." OK, at anytime during that year, did he gain any insight to her? Or perhaps more interesting for the reader, did she of him? Were there any "final" confrontations? Did he re-establish a new understanding with the kids? Did she ever apologize, and I mean with sincerity? Did she ever learn a lesson? That kind of stuff CAN be viewed as above and beyond the scope of what is necessary to relate, but if it took him some time to heal, then revelations that come out later would only help to tie up the loose ends of the story together, and cement the characters that you obviously worked hard on creating in the first place.

I probably have more to say, like how come he never confronted Tanya? However, I think I made my best point, and will leave it to other commenters to pick the plot apart any further. Javmor, whatever weaknesses are perceived for this story, don't forget that it remains a milestone of personal improvement for you as an author, and a strengthening of your audience and a tightening up of your fan base. Please continue to refine your skills, and keep on submitting here. You are very appreciated, I thank you very much for this four star story today, and can't wait to read the next!

Not what everyone wants but more realistic than most. The fact is that this is how most marriages that split up through infidelity really end up. The Walter Mitty land of beating the other man up and destroying the offending wife seldom actually happens and seldom ends happily when it does. The very best satisfaction is being told by an ex wife that she now realizes what an awful mistake she made twenty years ago. Especially when the reason she was there was because she was visiting my/our son, that she'd bought up, but who was then (and still) running my business. Believe me. It made my day!

I am certain other commenters have said the things I found strange, but here I go: Mel didn't seem to get emotional, demanding, etc. when they hadn't had sex "for months" or when she sent him out to "slay his dragons." I absolutely loved the "philosophy" from page 1.

However I must say that the length of time it takes the guy to discover his wife's double life kills the realism. I realise it is a necessary plot device in order to allow the kids to reach an age where their traits are visible, but it creates a situation every bit as implausible as the one where hubby turns out to be ex SEAL and takes bloody revenge.

The big problem is not Tasha but Mark. Women hang out with their friends and often even goes on vacation or girl-trips with them, and it would be easy for a woman to camouflage a lesbian relationship that way for a long time, provided that she kept sexually active with her husband too. But there is no way a wife could have regular sex for decades with another guy without tipping off her man. No woman is that good of an actor and no man is that dense. Of course Mark is needed in order to introduce the kids in the plot, so I suppose it's a catch 22.

Either way it is a well written story and deserves a high score.

Very good character development and story plot.

You portray bisexual women as sluts but we ain't all like that! Yea she was a HO but dayum hun! When I married my husband I put that part of my life behind me unless it would be to have a threesome with my husband! I don't miss being with other women so much that I would do that to my man tho!

She has consistently lied to her husband for years and when met with temptation when her Bisexual lover came back, she gave in. I guess the only saving grace is that those kids will only ever call him father and not the bastard loser who supplied the DNA. I just feel that something horrible should happen to the ex after all that she's done. Losing the only man she's ever CLAIMED to love is not enough. If losing him was of any consequence she never would've continued to cuckold him for years to the point where it barely registered on her moral compass. It would've been fitting if her kids had disowned her or at least limited communication. I just cant rate this story, it's too real for me to see the good.

That's what the five star stories do. This is not without flaws. The fifteen years and deph of involvement with two other people outside of marriage is a stumbling block, along with kids aesthetic disparity from their father. But the initial pace, growing awareness, confrontation and resolution was nigh pitch perfect by tummy turmoil, standards.

In terms of overall high quality, histrionic muted tale from start to finish, this is javmor79's triumphant effort.

..I really enjoyed this one. Would have liked to see her abandon the harpye, but your solution works out just fine. Flashbacks were a bit too extensive for my taste. Nevertheless a round and absolutely believable and enjoyable story. I hope you will keep it up. 5*, without hesitating.

Thank you.

But then luck is for suckers! Do your fucking homework and check it out. If it is too good to be true, it is a lie. As far as 16 years wasted goes, make them all pay! Mark, is the least of it, a beating and a quick death will suffice. Tasha and Melony the need to be broken down and then scrapped.

So many people think this dreck is 'well-written', and it's just not.

First, the damned thing is waaaay overwritten. We're told of the narrator's devestation so many times, I wanted to vomit. You're upset. I GET IT! Don't keep beating me up with it.

Second, Melony or Melody? Make up your pitiful mind.

Here's a sample of other problems:

"There is wiring to be ran" No, to be Run. Speeky English?

"Since they were twins, there was no need to get hair from my son" -- but you've acknowledged they're fraternal. The son's DNA will not be the same as the daughter's.

"ménage a toi" -- Dear GAWD, deliver us from people who think they're clever and sophisticated. (BTW, it's trois)

This was a complete waste of time.

do not have the same DNA. They can even have different fathers, much like a litter of pups, or kittens. Good effort and quite interesting.

Fraternal twins occur when two different sperm fertilize two different eggs.

The sperm can come from two different men.

A few years ago (it was in the news) a woman gave birth to a white baby and a black baby from the same pregnancy.

Only one was from her white husband.

This story had the most annoying narrator imaginable. Our erstwhile hero's venture into the quagmire of methodological solipsism reminds me of the time I wasted in graduate school trying to determine if Rene Descartes was really serious.

As far as his marriage goes, he had 16 years, what's he complaining about?!

He raised other man's kids. Had 15+ years of sloppy seconds. He paid for the kids, paid for her condo because it came out of the community and he feels lucky the cunt did not ask for his business? -1 for being 200% wimp.

Get some balls, get the bull put in a wheel chair and both cheating cunts filled with battery acid and super glued closed.

I give this a four. A few too many errors for a five. I read the story for entertainment and thought it good with a few minor exceptions. When I read the comments, I must admit I had to check to see if we read the same story. We did. I guess I'm not as critical as some, either that, or I'm too stupid to know bad writing (in the sense of some of the comments) when I see it. (There are a few Anons. who will say I've just nailed it.)

Many on this site seem to want you to boil them in oil. I think you handled the situation pretty good. As a man who must ask God to forgive me of so many things, I hesitate to agree with those who feel such need for revenge on a woman who has made him happy for years and is still doing nothing she hasn't been doing all the time. I come down on the side of forgiveness every time.

If there is a weakness, I see it in the precept of two women and an extra man acting as you described for so long, without it becoming obvious the wife was getting sex from another source.

Anyway, this is a work of fiction. As the author, you are the god who causes them to act as they do. As their god you are limited only by how far you can go and still get your readers to suspend belief while reading the entire story.

I THINK YOU DID A PRETTY GOOD JOB!

We only see or believe just like he did when blinded by love or lust. There were signs in the beginning that things were fishy but he chose to ignore them because they weren't a big deal or could be explained away. Too bad his "aha" moment came after being married for over a decade.

The best revenge is moving on successful and happy. Mel lost out on a good guy.

The buildup was bigger than the climax. Still, well written. Thanks for the offering.

I could see how a guy could be so lovestruck he can't see the forest for the trees.

Some of you anons are so fucking stupid. The guy raised the kids for what, fourteen years? Even though they turned out not to be his, do you think he could turn off his love for them, the innocents, just like that? He would end up more bitter and twisted than ever.

Revenge? Why risk jail when the person that hurt you the most is already hurting from her loss. The loser ended up homeless so that worked out well. risk imprisonment and a top named Bubba to hurt a homeless man?

As far as the creampie thing, she did eveidently love him in her own way. She would brook no disrespect towards him, except of course what she bestowed. If you actually comprehended what you read you would see the feeding of creampies was not on the menu.

We all take a leap of faith when we marry. We must. And our partners, if they're smart, have the ability to fool us, for a while anyways. It's only when the partner believes she loves someone else enough to commit these atrocities that she would have the drive to do it.

In this story, the wife left the cunt once. She should have had the strength of character to do it again. But, even having not done that, if you follow her story that she loved Tasha like she did her husband, allowing herself to be intimate with Mark was a step beyond her fabricated house of lies. and then to get pregnant by him.

If he had a low sperm count he would probably never sire his own children. In the normal course of events they would have gone to a reproductive clinic and had her inseminated, or would have adopted. In any case he has two children he loves as his own - even after he finds out he is not the sire. He is lucky in that case.

I know - I have two stepchildren and one natural child. The three of them are all the same to me. They all call me Dad and I call them all Son.

It sounds like a bi-sexual would have a harder time deciding about their future

than a straight. I never thought about that before. I keep thinking that people should look into sperm counts before they get married! and not find out about them after years of trying. That would reduce a bit the statistic on wives having children that are not their husband's!

Javnor your ideas are excellent but a bit more editing would improve the flow of the brew.

OK a few mistakes but nothing to stop the enjoyment. He did not 'lose' 16 years, he had 16 years with two loving children that he was a real father to. Many men adopt their wife's previous children and raise them as their own. His problem was he did not know they were not his, but he still loved them and they loved him. As for the wife, dump her.

Javmor (IMHO) shoulda dialed back Tasha's odium toward Hubby. It took almost NO time to figure out she saw Hubby as a rival for Sweetie's close attention. Even before Hubby might actually have been on Sweetie's romantic radar.

Likewise, the stature & athletic ability of the twin boy ... when NO mention had been made of any such attributes in Hubby during his school-days! But plenty WAS writ of Sweetie's hopscotch romances in college with prominent campus athletes! (We will, of course, ignore that the tale was written for inclusion in LW!)

Perhaps a small sap instead of a mace? About two pages too many!

4*

. . . tragic figures. The tragic figure is Mel in this story. She has two people she loves, one is a trusting angel - her husband and the father of her twins (just not the sperm donor). The other a bitch from hell - the bitch who has always loved Mel and had that love returned in half measure. What would the outcome be if Mel had been allowed and capable of loving two so disparate people with unqualified commitment? If Mel had been honest with both lover and hubby from the start, if she used her strength to knock heads and demand they get along and share her love, sperm donor would never have been in the picture. The tragedy is Mel's failure to lead in personal life the way she was able to lead in her business life. There is absolutely no reason she could not, should not have husband and lover. She failed because she didn't try to succeed.

...but too rushed at the end. Unlike another commenter I felt it seemed two pages too short.

But Tasha needed a serious dose of BTB. There's unfinished business there that should be attended to in a future story.

revenge is needed against tasha another chapter

You are very lucky because you possess the talent to write a great story! Thank you for sharing. I am glad that Jake fared well (or as good as to be expected) and got on with life.

There were some mechanical problems but I still gave it a five. You need to slow down. Read, reread, and thoroughly proofread. People get in such a hurry to get something on line when a few extra days can make it so much better.

HDK is right about the DNA, but it wouldn't matter. They still wouldn't have been biologically his.

The sixteen years' subterfuge is hard to swallow. Melony would have mixed something up somewhere along the line. Mark could have screwed things up. For Melony trying to live two separate lives would have been impossible; still that didn't really detract from the story.

I thought everybody lost on this one.

Melony lost the most; sixteen years of lies followed by a lifetime of regret.

Tasha lost; she was always second fiddle, she knew it, and it would eat at her the rest of her life. Her hug and snarl at graduation were proofs of her insecurity and unhappiness.

Mark was just a loser and a literary prop.

Our protagonist lost too, but he had two kids. Biology aside the kids were his. There's nature, read DNA, and there's nurture. The kids were his. He has a future in them.

Our protagonist came away the least worse off. He certainly suffered, but he had sixteen clean years whereas Melony lived sixteen years of duplicity. In fact the presence of his fiancee at graduation was proof of his redemption and a further slice into Melony's heart.

Of the cast of characters only our protagonist gets the happily ever after. Well good for him, and good for you Javmor79. I look forward to your next contribution; just no happy cuckolds OK?

.

Karen said Tasha was the only winner. What did she win? She only ended up with Melony by default. Tasha got a weakling. Tasha started out angry, and was angry at the end. She was angry because she was unhappy, unhappy and insecure. No she lost from day one.

WE may recognize that Tasha won a hollow victory when she ended up with Melony only because Jake divorced her, but she clearly didn't. Something needed to be done to enlighten her.

Maximum irony would be somehow impregnating Tasha with a concentrated dose of Jake's sperm and then forcing her to bear Jake's child. Problem with that would be that Jake would end up raising a kid with Tasha's DNA. And, of course, it'd be wrong... right...?

When you first mentioned fraternal twins I was sure that he was going to be father to one but not the other.

Two eggs, two sperm; simply really. How did you screw that up?

There is a tone and turn of phrase that the story had which had me emotionally engaged, and that is the name of the game.

Yep, you had a bunch of tense screw ups, misspelled words etc. I just wrote them off to follow the story, but use an editor (I don't. I'm a hypocrite)

If I must quibble, it ran long and it telegraphed the ending. I don't mind that as much as you'd think because this is, after all, Loving Wives. If a wife isn't fucking around, it shouldn't be here...so we know the end of THAT story.

BUT...when you run into one of these 'telegraphed stories', it's like going to some beautiful place you've gone to before: it isn't about the destination, it's about the trip. I enjoyed the trip to Cheaterland, and that's all that matters.

so out of this crap the cunt Tasha won. man this story was a big wast of time.

Thank you guys for your comments and for your time. I also thank you for your patience. Like I said before, I'm a much better storyteller than I am a writer. I know I should go through an editor, but it takes so long! When I find one though, I will utilize him/her. I will try to proofread more in the meantime, but with work and wife it's hard to find that much free time. I do enjoy it though, and that's the main point of coming to this site, right?

I want you to know that I do take the comments to heart. On my last story, Harddaysknight said that it was too straight forward. A couple of other commenters agreed. That's why I tried to open the infidelity up a little slower this time. Also, some people didn't like the short chapters. The short chapters are a little easier to proof read, but I just put it together into one story.

I will do better and learn. I will also try different things. I won't always end the stories with the husband kicking the cheating wife out. I did it the last two stories because with the pain caused by the spouse I didn't see a way that the character that I created would take her back. But that doesn't mean that I don't believe in forgiveness for a mistake. For all of the BTB people, you have been warned.

Once again, thank you all

True no need to seek revenge on Mark, he was a nobody, less than a nobody, just a gun in the hand of a criminal: Tasha...that's the one who should have suffered the revenge and in a big scale...This the reason for the only 2 *.

I think you it ended well in terms of revenge. The best revenge is a life well lived. Tasha did not deserve revenge. She did not force Melony into the relationship. It was her choice. It took a long time to build up to the big reveal, then bam it was over. A little rushed at the end and drawn out at the beginning, but very enjoyable.

I can understand not going after Mark (though I would) from the author's point of view,but Mel and Tasha would have been TOAST! Sixteen YEARS of lies,adultery,omissions of fact....not to mention 2 illegitimate children financially supported by Jake over ALL of his marriage. So what if Jake couldn't have kid's of his own...raising his wife's lover's children for 16 YEARS was a slap in his face. However...Jake's "Yes, life is great. How lucky am I?" statement made me want to choke the main character to death for his pacifistic "Hug a tree,kiss a squirrel"view of the world. Maybe in the sequel, Jake can start taking Testosterone shots...and he accidental does something dangerous or manly? Mmmmm. BGunns.

'nuff said.

For sharing.

I kept reading this piece of s**t thinking that it would get better but it never did.

Really a waste of time, i dont like wimp tales

yall got that right.

What an utter waste of time.

Cliff notes version "Husband is lied to for 16years, raises another mans kids whilst wife lives a life of luxury and sufferes no consequences what so ever."

If you like you cuck stories long winded you'll love this pile of shit

How in the FUCK can you possibly say this was a "good read"? The grammar was so far off I had to wonder if he even graduated elementary school. Come on, "our" instead of "hour"? Have expectations really fallen so low that a reader will accept anything?

The writer, and I use that term very loosely, did not even have the decency to proof read his own shit! He wrote some stream of consciousness dreck and tried to pass it off as a real story. Would Stangstar, Ohio, JPB, or any number of other good writers have done that? The plot line was so thin as too be transparent!

If this is the best you can do I would go back to writing children's books.

I don't get how people would enjoy this find type of story but to each their own.

I really tried to understand this story and I read all the comments too. Here is my understanding of it.

The husband did not like the then girlfriend sharing herself with another man, who just happened to be MARK, so he quit communicating with her and broke it off while they were still in college. He did not then know there was also another woman involved too. After all he was ‘just Jake.”

Tasha the woman even taunted the husband to about never being with the wife.

The wife pursued him by interviewing him for a job, and hired him and then chased him.

All the time this was going on she was still fucking the man, whom she knew the husband did not approve of, as well as the woman he did not know about.

The wife even proposed to the husband.

While trying to get pregnant and we know she was trying because she only got pregnant once, she had unprotected sex with Mark and got pregnant. We find out later that she was “fond” of Mark and that Mark was a “good guy” so now we can see how she was compelled to fuck him while she was trying to get pregnant. Now the DNA shows that the daughter was not the husband’s and we sure as hell know the son was not the husband’s, so what is all this discussion about needing two DNA tests? That does not even count the fact that neither child has the sickle cell trait that both parents have.

From a month after the wedding the wife was back with her other family. She was fucking Tasha and Mark. We find out later it was the fact that the husband could fuck her good enough to ring her bell, just like Mark did, that caused her to marry him. Still marrying him did not cause her to stop fucking her other family.

The husband was wrong in his conclusion. Tasha was not living with someone who loved someone else, which was the wrong conclusion. She had the wife and MARK. She helped put horns on the husband for over 16 years, when you count 9 months for the pregnancy and she was pregnant by Mark three months after she got married. That is almost a years the wife had another family before the kids were born, Mark’s kids.

We know that she was seeing them daily, and that means fucking. So what little wet gifts did she bring home to hubby? Obviously she did not come home from a day at work freshly showered so how many times did she fuck hubby when he made love to her? Look how she acted after a weekend fucking Mark and Tasha in Vegas, she wanted to fuck the stupid husband and give him Mark’s leavings. It does not matter if it was a few hours before, it was sloppy seconds. How many times was she fucking the fuck buddies when it was husbands cock in her? And we again know this because they did it again at the condo before she came home from her Vegas trip to her loving faithful husband.

For sixteen year he was the kid’s father. He walked them at night when they cried. He bandaged them when they were hurt. He probably kissed them as they were in his wife’s stomach, all the time believing they were his.

How many times did Mark laugh about husband raising his kids? And I don’t believe for one second that the wife did not know until she saw her son in a football uniform. She “suspected” when they were born but she did not stop fucking her other family and even paid for a house for all three of them, i.e., the condo.

She would not even keep her legs closed long enough to give the husband a chance of being the only person to be the father.

All this time, 16 years she has a complete other family. For 16 years she cheated him of reality. She cheated him of finding a woman who actually was in love with him. She stole 16 years of his life the same as if she put him in a cage. Even if you don’t know you are in a cage because it is so comfortable, it is still a cage.

When she could get away for a weekend she did not ask her husband she asked MARK to go with her and Tasha. Now that is love.

Then when it was getting heavy she “suggested” he start his own business and even kicked in a few dollars. Now we know it was to set him up so that he would not know what she was doing during her days at work and after work. If they worked together they would drive in together, drive home together and spend all their time together. That got in the way of fucking Mark and Tasha. Yes I know she got him to start working on his own before the wedding so it appears she was still thinking of this happening and was planning for it. Funny how a lezbo like Tasha just happened to be back and with Mark in tow.

When she left the night of the confrontation she want back to her fuck buddies. Now that shows real remorse. How many times did the three of them fuck during the time she allegedly tried to make it work with her husband but would not give Tasha up. Why the fuck did she ask him to marry her?

He stepped in and helped the kids because Mark could not or would not do it. That means Mark was still in the picture during the time following the divorce, which took a year. So she was still fucking two others for that year.

And the husband is happy because he got to keep his business while the wife still got half of everything else. She got husband to raise her two kids, got him to baby sit and watch them, clothe them, feed them, play with them, read them stories at night. And every day, every fucking day, she was getting a good fucking from Tasha and Mark. She did not go over there for 16 years to play house mother. She was getting fucked. Even after a weekend of fucking she stopped off for another fast fuck before she want to hubby.

Tasha won it all. She got the condo with the wife, who used money that should have gone to the family, to pay for her second fuck buddy family. She probably took like vacations and had dinners and just about every time she was gone over those 16 years it was probably with her fuck buddies. Tasha got what the wife got in the divorce which was half of everything they accumulated except the business, so husband was also working for Tasha too. Wow that is love.

But the real problem was at the end with the fiancé said to waive and he did. At that time she would have leaned over and whispered to her. “Listen bitch, she stole 16 years of my life plus probably more than a million dollars, so if you think I am going to play nice with a cheater you are fucking nuts. If we get married know this, if you cheat on me I will be your worst nightmare for the rest of your life. And I am not finished with those three yet. So either leave or kiss me.”

By neverforgiveneverforget

if that is not the kiss of desth.... What is? And these comments that this story is realistic?

Jake got the woman of his dreams and had 16 perfect years with her. She showed him that she loved him. She was a happy woman and caring wife, beautiful and they had great sex. She got two children that Jake adored and loved, that brought great joy in his life.

But Melony had a secret so great and dark that she dared not share it with her husband. She was bisexual and polyamorous. She loved a woman, Tasha, just as much as her husband. Together with Tasha and Mike she had exciting threesomes.

Without these threesomes, the children that Jake loved, would not have existed.

What if this situation could have been in the open from the start. What if Melony told Jake about her polyamory and sexual urges, and he accepted it as part of her life, because he loved her and would want her to be happy. There are people living happy in these kind of relationship.

But this did not happen. Melony kept it a secret. The deception blew up in their face and changed Jake, Melony and the childrens life for the worse. Sad.

With all the broken marriages and all the cheating going on in our would, would it be better to accept that monogamy and sexual and emotional exclusivity is not the right solution for everyone?

What if Jake found it in his heart to love Melony as the woman she really was, not just the part of her he had seen these 16 years? What if he found it in his heart to forgive her the deception? What if he found it in his heart to be happy for the love and sex that made Melony happy, even if he was not part of it?

I know all of us are not built with this kind of acceptance and unselfish love, and the rules of the society do not accept it. But I think the life would have been better for all included.

it is simply NOT in anyway believeable that anyone could be this god damn stupid for this long.

There SHOULD of been major alarm bells going off when the dislike from the wife's girlfriend INCREASED over the course of 16+ years

Even worse was the scene where they re-connect after severals post college... where the wife to be says "I return phone calls" and he lets that comments slide instead of saying... "Well you were busy fucking another man"....

And SHE proposes to him? that by itself was no big deal but it is symptomatic of the entire unequal power structure of the relationship.

Of COURSE the cunt whore wife is going to cheat

When I see negative comments, I like to check the poster's profile. The vast majority of the time they have never submitted a single story. Don't let these guys bother you. If they were that good, they would be submitting gems of their own for us to read. Keep writing. That's what it takes to get better.

It's interesting that there are those who feel that because she helped him that meant she was free to lie and cheat on him. So the fact that she was still having sex with a drugged out freeloader who could have given her a disease is okay? The fact that her lesbian lover KNEW that the poor sap didn't know he was marrying a slut whore who opened her legs for others means she could disrespect him, right? The defenders of this lying whore, who should be stoned to death for robbing this man of the possibility of being with an honest, loving, monogamous woman should hope your partners share your views, or else if they find you cheating, which you obviously condone, they might justifiably mess you up.

An interesting story of love won, lost found and lost again !

Same Melony was only interested in Tasha, if not the poor husband could have been treated to his own 3sums.

For me the biggest betrayal was just not the fact Mel cheated with Tas, but she included Mark as well !

The husband character was the mushroom in the dark.

am not going to comment on the characters

or the plot or the way the story ends.

am going to simply say that i was captivated by this story from start to finish ,

with each new revelation i was becoming more & more enthralled

by the end of the tale i practicaly had to pick my jaw up from the floor

& shake my head to try to snap out of the dazed shock i was in.

idk how or where Javmor got the inspiration for this one.

if its totaly from his imagination , the guys a fricking Magician.

its proly got to much Raw emotion & controversial themes

for many of the Haters&Flamers

so i doubt it will ever get the rating it deserves .

i loved it ,

voted it 5 stars & am eager to see what javmor comes up with next.

xxxhugsxxx

Great read all the way through. Thanks, and keep it up!

I liked the plot line. The technical aspects of the grammar etc were annoying (I'm old after all). Her doing Mark & becoming pregnant seemed most repugnant to me. How many married folks have a series of affairs over the years instead of one long one Different? Maybe,maybe not. I think that an alternate ending with no divorce would be interesting to see. How stupid of the GF to be so hostile. Being nice to his face & undermining him behind his back would probably have worked better & would be a more typical strategy. Keep up the good (improving) work!

Seems to me the cheating slut got off with little harm.

and He cant, TK U MLJ LV NV

But small self-centered people want to do what they want without guilt; so the last thing they want to believe in is right and wrong.

But to answer your question; it depends on your understanding.

Our hero says; " Like the Twilight Zone, she was in charge of everything that I saw and heard. " He must have been thinking of "One Step Beyond rather that TZ. Part of his fractured view of the truth I suppose.

It worked to well -

You can actually see it happening and Mel is the manipulator from hell -

Some men might even like or love it if they had a chance to live it - but the deceit, the lies, the betrayal of trust cannot be so easily glossed over - there is huge disrespect there.

He did right -

the problem i have is this. the first time tasha and her 'boyfriend" put him down in front of them and she didnt go off on them should have been a huge red flag. he wasted 16 years of his life. how about before you marry someone you actually get to know them.and if there are any red flags you dig a little further.

some of you are fucking sick. The dude started out like a little pug. Just following the whore around like a moron. Then she yells, it's just Jake, that would have done it for all time for some men, but navel lint here went back for more. Then after he finds out the kids are his he only goes for a divorce. I would've found away to fry that bitch.

(2)

about a very weak and shy man who had no self confidence or common sense either. He should have known something was going on by the way he kept getting attacked and demeaned by the fluff. Roommates don't generally have that kind of attitude and the jock/marine/boyfriend/druggy. Didn't hubby wonder where his increasingly obnoxious attitude came from? As for the kids, well when the son was taller than him at 8 years old he should have known something was out of whack.

Now, in answer to the polyamour post, whatever the hell that is. Sure it would have been wonderful if she would have told him about the other life she led. But I think that if she would have let him in on that deal he would have ended up divorced still but with a sore ass from being used badly by all of the others. If he could have lived that way, what a wonderful world, right? Well, if a bullfrog had wings he wouldn't bust his ass either, but that's not likely to happen, is it?

Different kind of story. Keep writing, I like how your stories read, just didn't care much for how the "hero" was treated here.

Super happy that this didn't turn into your typical BTB fantasy. It made it so much more realistic. That being said your exposition leading up to the discovery was so good that I would have loved to see how the narrator brought himself to cope and come to grips with the discovered betrayal.

You are a great writer!

Then she should be thrown onto the street to die.

He was a bit too stupid.

He was in security for crying out loud.

He couldn't see something weird about kids like that? Couldn't notice the timing ,meaning she was gone for hours most days over 16 years?

Even then it was a pretty good story.

He being a bit smarter would have made it perfect or close to perfect.

Just discovered this gem. Once "Melony" was called "Melody." Did not find any other obvious mistakes. Good story.

you're a good writer but there is no story here. 5 pages that should have been 2 or 3. I know it's free but a real, hold your feet to the fire editor could have turned this into something. I'm not talking about a copy editor but an editor.

a normal man would put up with Mark and the total bitch all those years. I think I would have showed up at that condo with a bat in my hand. He suffers from wimpitis.

You just realised that you dumwit wimp. Come on author how stupid do you think your readers are? Give us a break and leave the elephant sized holes out of the plot. It could have been good without the stupid main character and the stupid wife who doesn't realise her husband knows despite months without sex.

You will find that 90% of people in the security business know fuck all about the business of security, most are just bullshit salesmen.

As for the character in this story, he deserved everything bad that happened to him

You missed a lot of points and instead of drama you gave us a paragraph of and ending. We never see the wife be upset at her actions. We never see any kind of real anger from him. We never see any fallout or repercussions for her actions.

Now in real life there are rarely repercussions but this is fantasy. You want to set up an unrealistic scenario you should be able to deliver something in return.

“She didn't do anything wrong” – Well, not exactly: “It’s JUST JAKE” is kind of hurtful.

She CHOSE Jake? Well, sort of, but the SECOND Tasha came back agreeing to share Mel, Mel agreed, without so much as a NOD to Jake!

And even if we're willing to accept the secret lesbian affair, to continue to fuck Mark is flat-out cheating, and the knowing cuckoldry of letting him raise Mark's kids thinking they were his own is too much.

I would love to see a sequel where Mel's love for Jake comes between her and Tash and Tasha leaves her and she ends up with NEITHER of her loves!

You had five Lit pages to work with.

Page one: Introducing Mel, Tasha and the 'Hero'. You introduce him as a loser...and you keep reestablishing that fact the entire story. We never see what HE brings to the relationship except a Vienna sausage.

Page two is the establishment of the Worthy family in their jobs. Now...this isn't bad because it gives us a sense of what there is to lose (though the kids are all cyphers). This is a HUGE chunk of development and investment in word count.

The next page and a half are spent with him finding out 'the Truth'. And here, honestly, you spoon fed it to us about three fucking times. You had his suspicions...then you had the DNA test results...and in case we didn't get it THEN, you had to have this 'Vienna Sausage' sized reveal about Mark and his photos in HS AND had this clown of a hero walk through all the clues YET AGAIN...just in case we missed it. (This in addition to telling us about Tasha hatred about a half dozen times)

So you REALLY pounded this and 'lucky guy' into the ground. It is a greasy smear of an idea at this point.

And then...and then...and then.

Poof! The story goes away. To put it in perspective, there is no conflict because the entire problem went away with a single Mike Tyson blow! One conversation and everything just goes away and is neatly resolved.

After you, in hindsight, wasted my time with discussing his fucking job for an entire page...you now give me 10 paragraphs of dialogue and 'Poof!' everything is finished?

The fans who paid a ton of money to watch that Tyson fight felt cheated. I, who paid a lot of time reading the set up to 'the fight' feel the same way to a degree.

But only to a certain degree. The reason we are at the arena is to see the fight. The discovery isn't really the fight.

He has "two beautiful kids from a previous marriage". But they are not his, whichever way one cuts it. She loves him but has spent her life as well with a dyke and a stud! And he waves at her at the ceremony, having persuaded the kids to make an effort with her? Sorry the guy is a first class doormat, and the story left me feeling rather sick.

I gave you a 5

no, fucking NO! those bitches need to be BURNED. BAD!

Everyone has a 'theme' in their stories. I am not exactly sure what mine is except to be a pain in the ass, but...

JPB has two women: the cock crazy slut who 'still loves her husband' and the 'heart of gold' slut who, unlike the first slut, tells the hero UP FRONT that she is a cock crazy slut. It is almost always about the cock...or the bank roll with him. This woman very VERY seldom wants to give up her slutty ways even after being caught.

ohio has the reflective guy. The one who struggles manfully to find a way back to origin. Who had a decent, loving solid relationship but the wife...she slipped up and made a major mistake. Somehow the lack of reconciliation is always HIS fault because, hey! she said she was SORRY, amirite?

Stang is so formulaic that even his most rabid of fans sees the rails (most of them don't care anyway).

And you have the 'it' girl, in a similar way to Brittease. Naomi and this woman are the same: very sexualized creatures WAY out of the league of the hapless man who falls in love with her. But she is willing to give him the crumbs of her sexuality and rub his tummy a few times a week because 'the heart wants what the heart wants' (unfortunately, 'the vagina wants what the vagina wants')

Certainly your tales are not as egregious as that of MM, if only because of the relative lack of tears, alcoholism and sheer spinelessness. But the tone always seems to be 'boy, you should thank your lucky stars she gifted you with her vagina in the first place.' As they say in Alaska "You don't lose your place. You lose your turn."

Now, this works because in real life, very few wives are chained up in basements, or are fiscally destroyed. No, like here, the couple just goes their separate ways. which requires much less suspension of disbelief...but it also is likely to make the story fall flat (see my 'Initial Public Offerings' for THAT fucking mistake!)

I mean...we went to Revenge of the Sith to see Obi Wan and Anakin have their MASSIVE sword fight, not have Kenobi say 'Oh...I guess our positions are irreconcilable. I suppose since I am at a disadvantage politically, I should fuck off to a desert planet for a few decades, okay?" as they shake hands.

If they aren't going to bang sexually, the ending needs to have a bang metaphorically.

The sluts need major retribution. The ending was awfully anticlimatic. Fucking loser story.

Really like writing about stupid people.

Thanks for not making a willing him cuckold at least.

It doesn't cost much to put up surveilance.

is he is not a full fledged quad-ra-palegic. TK U MLJ LV NV

I feel the need for a 2nd chapter, only because I see little cost to the wife. She basically ruined the guys life and paid, well nothing.

But the important thing is that the good guys won in the end. 1/5

...apologize for the lack of revenge on Melony.

Since they are FRATERNAL twins, Alex COULD have a different father. Unlikely on several counts, especially since Sweetie was getting pleasure from Hubby, but wasn't looking for other cocks, just Tasha's Trout Taco ... with Mark thrown in as a pokey spacer!

Cute story. Funny how the same scene can be perceived so differently by different eyes ... or the SAME eyes at different times!

Thanks for the epilogue!

So lame. *