It was a good premise, but it's terribly structured. No paragraphs, separating dialogue from descriptions and actions. You should re-structure it, and resubmit it. I see the other chapters in this series were fine, it must have been an error with the transfer to Literotica.
by
Anonymous12/03/14
Sick love.
This is just a rape story. Brutal thoughts, brutal actions.
English
Hot!
I love this series. Hot hot hot. And more more more!!
Great story!
Love it! More chapters please!
Paragraphing and Structure
It was a good premise, but it's terribly structured. No paragraphs, separating dialogue from descriptions and actions. You should re-structure it, and resubmit it. I see the other chapters in this series were fine, it must have been an error with the transfer to Literotica.
Sick love.
This is just a rape story. Brutal thoughts, brutal actions.
Very Arousing
Just found the series, glad I didn't have to wait.
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