All Comments on 'Coma Ch. 02'

by DG Hear

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  • 65 Comments
tazz317tazz317over 9 years ago
I HEARD THAT FLASH BACKS CAN BE TRIGGERED

some people are pleased about that, TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago

to be honest, reading this was a waste of time. it´s pretty much the same storie with a few paragraphs added that don´t change the plot. we got the wedding that wasn´t in chapter one, but that wasn´t necessary either. i like the idea of dream vs. reality, but the both of the should be different.

Sid0604Sid0604over 9 years ago
Thank you...

I enjoyed reading Chapter 2. Thank you.

LeFrog08LeFrog08over 9 years ago
It was ok...

but, as "anonymous" previously stated, a bit of a re-hash of ch.1 - Talk about déja vu!-Your readers had to relive the same story(with a couple of variations) to arrive at the wedding scene. We all know that you can do better...Still, the wicked Julie got hers, the Annie character was quite endearing and we got a nice resolution at the end. 4/5.

dmhackdmhackover 9 years ago
Kind of surprised

I usually love your stuff, but not this.

You could have done so much more with the idea of him knowing the future and trying his best not to change it. Instead, we got a story that was 90 percent cut and paste.

A real shame and a wasted opportunity.

BigChiefBigChiefover 9 years ago
Well done!!

Justin found out what can happen when you try to change the sequence of events. He LIKED the outcome in his dream. He might have tried to alter events that would not impact on his relationship with Annie (news of world that would affect stock prices, making sure that any friends that suffered injuries had something else to do at that moment, etc.). Very well written.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
always great

have read all your stories at least twice. always know they will be great. thanks so much john

bruce22bruce22over 9 years ago
Enjoyable as always

It was a bit of rehash, but who wants to mess with a winning team? Especially with a girl like Annie at the other end of the tunnel. I got the idea that like the idea of moving into her place that there were some fifty per cent chances to go wrong.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Hi DG

As always, a Great Read!

This was a nice variation, one that I enjoyed.

Thanks for sharing your creativity!

Alan

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Rewind

What was the pupose of Ch 2 ? Little it would appear.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
disappointed

Ok so I have read both chapters when the first ended I was excited about what may be reality. After reading chapter 2 I am disappointed. I was hoping that there would be complications such that his wife was the slut she was in the dream but that he would have to find the information himself. The belief that there is something better would motivate him and he would need to pursue Annie. Just a few thoughts and understand the quality of the writing is outstanding as ever.

KarenEKarenEover 9 years ago
Liked It A Lot!

I was concerned, didn't want to mess with the happy ending, but didn't want a re-hash either!

You did a fairly decent job of keeping it from being a total re-hash, was maybe a bit more than I would have preferred, but I just skimmed where it was.

MitchFraellMitchFraellover 9 years ago
Like deju vu all over again

Very good, cleared up all the issues left in Ch.1. Also Julie got just what she wanted and was miles away. Don't trust Ben he seems like trouble.

chytownchytownover 9 years ago
Thanks for sharing****

Very this very entertaining story.

arrowglassarrowglassover 9 years ago
Good original story!

Really enjoyed it!!!

ariesgirlariesgirlover 9 years ago

I was hoping for more of a twist but the story was still good.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
disappointed.

I love most of your stories, but this one felt off. The twist ending in chapter 1 was not needed for me, but if you were going to go for a chapter 2 then I feel you should have really gone for it. It was almost a cut and paste identical story without enough changes to really justify the chapter. I mean if you had had him struggling more with potential butterfly effect scenarios with an inner monologue and actual dialogue changes I feel the entire piece would be that much stronger. It just felt a little lazy.

krosis666krosis666over 9 years ago
What was the point?

Why repeat the first chapter, almost verbatim? Why not put the reception scene at the end of the first chapter and leave it at that? The whole 'Bobby in the shower' (showing my age here) crap at the end of chapter 1 cheapened it, and doing chapter 2 merely makes us believe that you regretted doing it, and started to second guess yourself. By adding the hackneyed dream cliché, you took what was an outstanding original story, and left the reader with a bad taste in the mouth.

sdc92078sdc92078over 9 years ago
Did seem rather pointless

Ch 1 set us up for a twisty unraveling of the dream that just never happened.

avidfaavidfaover 9 years ago
Interesting idea, didn't work

I only glanced at the other comments, but I guess a lot of us are saying the same thing. You had an interesting idea, but didn't develop it. The result was a pointless, kind of confusing, kind of boring repeat of the first story.

You could have had the guy try to act too directly on the foreknowledge and screw things up and then spend the rest of the time working to repair the timeline to what it should be. That would have even followed the formula of a romance.

You could have had him somehow take advantage of the foreknowledge, but that would have required you have a second bad incident in the first story that he would be trying to avoid during the second.

His wife tried to kill him, tried repeatedly to kill him over several months. That was never dealt with adequately. If in the original story she had had a pre-existing long term relationship with a bike gang scuz or somesuch, then this could have been part of a long term plot and they might have been responsible for his car accident and he could have used the foreknowledge to investigate all of that and get her prosecuted.

The choice you made was about the only uninteresting one there was.

I do love all of your other stories and look forward to your contributions in the future. You are a very good writer and I like your laconic story and main characters.

Thanks for writing your stories.

ramonbrookramonbrookover 9 years ago
Love all your stories DG

And not really one to join a band wagon, but have to agree with others. I understand why Justin didn't want to take chance and say the wrong thing to Annie and change the future but it ended up with us reading the same story a second time. Wish there were a few more twists in chapter 2.

Still looking forward to those beers though!

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Try again?

Chapter 1 was great. Chapter 2 as is could have been shortened to half a page tacked on to 1 if you really wanted to go there and leave the happy ending. Having said that I am glad you kept the happy ending!

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Ok now it makes sense

Now I understand the odd ending to chapter one.

George in Omaha

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
really liked reading it again

In my favorites really enjoyed the story parts 1 and 2.

It would be interesting if you could write a story about the ex wife Julie and have her speak about her actions and if she knew who the babys father was who knows it could have been her husbands it seems she did not want to be tied down but looks can only last so long until you wind up 40 pounds over weight and look like you have been road hard and put up wet. Instead of wanting Mr. Right it seems she only wanted Mr. Right now.

Enough said Annie wins in the long run Julie loses.

Ron Texas cowboyridecc@yahoo.com

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Reloaded

Why bother with a repeat? We get enough of that on

the TV.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Stupid

Just a rehash of the first story. Delete the ending from the first story and leave it at that.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
smh dg, smh

*copy and paste entire chapter one*

*delete some boring dialogue and replace with "it went exactly like my dream"*

*write a paragraph in total for the additional scenes*

*try to end on a sentimental note*

*add the signature dg hear ending phrase "life is good"*

This was chapter two in a nutshell. I'm a big fan of your work, but this one fell short on so many levels. Too much repetition and not enough originality. If you are going to post a sequel, make sure it's a different plot than the first.

Basic english structure and technicalities were spot on. Thank heavens for editors.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Why did you post this?

It seems to be the first chapter, repeated? I don't get it.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
Deja Vu All Over Again

Deja Vu

Could this be the dream that I once knew

-Dionne Warwick

JimC

acupacupalmost 8 years ago
pete and repete...

skimmed through most of it. should have just added the ending of Ch 2 to the first and reposted it as an edit.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Boring

Why on earth would you copy paste the boring carp in the previous horror and rename it to coma 2?

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
I Stand By It

"It " being my assessment of the first part of this story,

saying that the "dream sequence" is just a writer's ploy

to turn what should have been a 5 page story into a 9

or 10 page story, usually with a LOT of redundancy.

Too bad, D G's stories are usually really good. This one,

not so much. 1 Star.

twoebtwoebover 7 years ago
I agree

The stiry was good in part one but should have just basically used this ending on it. The basic redo of it kinda hurts the story i stead of helo it and takes away from it in some ways.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Why bother.....

I wished you would have just used this ending the first time. This "chapter" was boring after just reading the first one. Too bad you had to ruin the entire story by trying to fix it with this part.

You should have just said here is an alternate ending and left it at that!

Buddy1945Buddy1945over 6 years ago
I liked it

A cheating wife than a loving wife. So it was refunded in places but I liked it. A good ending to the story

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
so why

write the same story twice? i quit reading halfway into the first page . crap

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
I dont get why you wrote this twice.

You could have just short this second part to an epilogue.

It seems you wanted tow rite some kind of do-over, but didn't work at all. This second part was repetitive and boring.

widowedidiotwidowedidiotabout 6 years ago
Huh?

Huh. Is all I could think off. I wanted to read the second sequal before commenting. but the second was just a repeat of the first one, except for the ending there was nothing different. Anyway, Wow!! Two years married and your wife had to find someone else to fulfill her sexual needs? and not just somebody but a man your fathers age? And what about Annie? Is she going to find someone to fulfill her sexual needs also? Probably so, once the honeymoon years are over and she realizes you're just like the other guys she had been with. Doesn't say much about you as a man or a lover despite how you want to dress it up. Julie's affair tells it all. If it had been someone her own age I might understand, but having to go to someone twice her age? You left yourself wide open for that one.

cybojicybojiover 5 years ago
Another

Great story by dg. 5

Pulsifer42Pulsifer42over 5 years ago
Very enjoyable

Nice to see one of these stories work out pleasantly for most participants. I rather thought the 2nd Chapter was very clever and took a bit of courage. DG is one of Literotica's Top Secret Masters. Thank you DG.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 5 years ago
Why

Why was Ch 02 necessary ,it basically chapter 01except for the ending,which Ch 01 could have included.?

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
The Music.

You need to update your playlist. In every story you write, the music is ancient and archaic. Damn.

netgnosticnetgnosticover 4 years ago
too repetitive

Even in the movie Groundhog Day the only thing that was really repeated was the clock radio playing I Got You Babe. Take a hint from that. You should have had more differences from the dream - but if not, you should have cut everything that was the same. This second part should have been 2 pages maximum.

Wolfgang1955Wolfgang1955over 4 years ago
5☆

Skipped to page 4. Second chapter was not neccessary. You are the author and it was your choice .

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
ok,but...

grammar!

Annoying to see apostrophes in all the wrong places. The rule is not complicated.

Not bothering to comment on other elementary errors.

Thanks for writing though.

PorterrhPorterrhover 3 years ago
Pointless second chapter

Authors choice I guess, but maybe a better alternative would be to play the ‘life doesn’t follow the premonition script - but love finds a way in the end’ - a bit cliched I know, but a more engaging read

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
Interesting premise for a story

Okay I really liked the character of Annie. I also like the fact that she and Justin already knew each other but were unable to act on the fact that they were crushing on each other mutually. The fact that the first chapter was basically a premonition that Justin had while he was unconscious after the accident, was probably one of the most unique plot twists that I've seen of any story on this site. It kind of reminded me of an old chick flick from long ago called 13 going on 30 at least as far as the concept of the premonition is concerned. Granted some of the commenters weren't really impressed by that aspect, but so what? My personal opinion is that it was extremely creative and made for a great story. Five stars.

Rancher46Rancher46over 3 years ago

Wonderful conclusion to a great love story. Story was well written with good character development. Gets my 5+ star vote.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 3 years ago
Pointless Rehash of Chapter 1

What was the point of a second chapter that simply rehashed (often word for word) chapter 1. Well written, as one would expect from this author, but it would have been much better if it was either a one chapter story (with extended epilogue) or if the author had used the second chapter to diverge from the chapter 1 storyline and supply a few twists in the tale.

norcal62norcal62almost 3 years ago

Why is keeping secrets, or not telling the truth a central element in your stories? Gets annoying.

Rancher46Rancher46over 2 years ago

Second time through and it was as good or better than the first time. Well done 5 stars

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Tiresome, re-reading Chapter 1. with just some minor changes! The idea was excellent but could have been achieved via an epilogue, without subjecting the reader to a repeat of Chapter1.!!

servant111servant111over 2 years ago

Don’t get it same story twice with small added material on last page. Still reads like a newspaper article rather than a romance. Whole thing is in shades of pastels rather than the vibrant colors of rage passion etc.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

REWRITING PART 1....SO FUCKING UNNECESSARY!! Waste of time!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

BASICALLY PLAGIARISED PART 1 SO DONT BOTHER READING THIS....NO NEW REVELATIONS HERE

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

You would think the second time he lived through it he wouldn't have been as cringey about getting her to break her sexual boundaries, and not sleep with a married man.

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

Story good Some comments stink, made by turds! LP

AardieAardieover 1 year ago

The point of this story should have been about getting an even better outcome than the first time. Unfortunately, he seemed to forget all he knew until it happened again as a sort of deja vu. The only time I noticed that he took advantage of his “dream “ was when he kept her from choking on his cock the second time she gave her first blowjob. So, what was the point of chapter two.

AnonymousAnonymous11 months ago

Was essentially a repeat.

krazicat99krazicat9911 months ago

This is just a repeat of the first story. A waste of time and effort. Could have easily been included in the first story.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Not a chapter 2, just a repeat of the 1st. Very disappointing

newfordnewford3 months ago

Could have been done a little differently, after all the first episode consentrated on the "dream" and the second had the MC wondering if anything was going to be different. Other than that , not a bad tale , but only a 4

AnonymousAnonymous24 days ago

Way too much repeat of Ch 1, and no attempt to use the knowledge to get more revenge on his ex. Missed opportunity.

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I want to thank all the readers who read and comment on my stories. If anyone would have told me 8 yrs ago (now it's 16 yrs ago) I would be writing stories (on an adult web site) I would have laughed at them. Thank you so much for the feedback and comments. It's what keep m...

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