The Bar Pick-Up

Ya got what ya deserved ya tramp

4*

Mixed bag

I like your writing style, although I'm confused as to why there are so many asterisks in your story. Are you using some sort of editor that "bleeps out" the bad words? It made your story very difficult to read.

As for the plot, the setup was exciting, but I found the climax off-putting. Jim was an asshole, and a better ending would portray the husband beating Jim to a pulp the minute Jim began raping his wife. Having a fantasy of seeing another man fuck your wife is one thing, but seeing her forced to fuck someone is quite another.

too many *...

The too many * take out a lot of interest in the reading...

Wh** t*e hell

Omg so annoying ***** this could've been good. Where are your editors?!

no, I don't get the use of all the a*******s either...........

It DOESN'T help anything, and in fact makes a bad story worse! Ben really let her down, I mean he really failed her. Ben wasn't there when she needed him, and HE set her up to be raped. This isn't cheating, or adultery. However, it IS a depiction of warped behavior that is just as destructive to the marriage. Wendy should be pissed! Pissed at Jim, pissed at Ben, and pissed at herself. This senseless act of violence could have been avoided and/or prevented with better communication several times throughout the course of the night. Was it really Ben's fantasy to see her fucked by someone else? Maybe...but was it really his fantasy to get her knocked up, or exposed to STDs? When you stop to think about the consequences, it presents a situation that isn't erotic at all, and is only destructive and harmful. I suppose THAT is why your story absolutely lacks any sense of realism, or any willingness to accept the consequences. You are so afraid of the aftermath, that you couldn't even write Ben coming back into the story. To me this is proof that you, as an author, do not possess the abilities to write a complete story. That your characters are lacking any sense of moral integrity, speaks volumes about the perverted way you attempt but fail to erotize rape and spousal abandonment.
Garbage!

Garbage

What's up with the censuring of words? In case you don't know it, this is a porn site and words like "fuck" are allowed, you ignored fuck.

Needs editing

What's with all the ***.

Well that was ******* **

I think you get the point that no one thought this was in any way clever or entertaining.
No stars.

What the f***k?

That was really w***d.

Decent story. Would have earned another star were it not for those damned asterisks.

2 STARS

THE *** RUINED A STORY THAT HAD A LOT OF HOLES IN THE PLOT. I CAN UNDERSTAND HUBBY'S GETTING OUT OF SIGHT SO THE MEN COULD MOVE IN ON WIFE, BUT WTF HAPPENED TO HIM--WHAT DID HE STAND TO GAIN? DID HE HATE HIS WIFE? HE MUST HAVE, SINCE HE LEFT HER TO HER FATE. DID HE HOPE TO SEE HER FUCKED? IS SO, WHY COMPLETELY LEAVE? I KNOW I'M SOUNDING LIKE SOME OF THE ANONS ON THIS SITE, BUT I SEE YOU HAVE A LONG LIST OF STORIES, YOU SHOULD KNOW TO CONSIDER YOUR CHARACTERS MOTIVES BY NOW.

Well, what the ***k?

Ch***, wh** sor* ** ***ry was this?

You already gave yourself a ton of stars. It was strange

but original and I'll go with anything creative. There's the erotica but also the literature.

The story asked a few questions, she'd be better off with a guy like Jim, just a Jim with a job and a moral fibre in his soul. Ben, or whoever the hub is called, is beyond redemption. I think this girl can be saved... halleluyah. 4*

Know what you did wrong?

You put Ch 2 in non con and the critics did not find it.

Stupid

WTF do authors put different chapters of a story in different categories of LIT? First, this was ONE LIT page ... both chapters would go into 2 pages very easily ... not unusual for stories to be 2-5 pages! Thanks to a commenter (well, kinda thanks) for having detected (and reported) on where Ch2 was to be found. Only good thing about Ch.2 is that the F**k**g astericks disappeared. ( If they were mostly 'The Dirty Seven' it would STILL suck swamp water since this is an adult erotica (yeah, redundant) venue.)

It is a really bad rendition of a scenario - by now trite - which still works if done well with some interesting twists or turns! Neither of which obtain in THIS turkey! Careless stuff throughout. How could Hubby (in Ch2) have Sweetie's panties if she never packed any (Ch1)?

L**ve out the f**king *'s

?????

From Tease to Worse

just wondering why you retitled and put *** into one of your old stories, why not at least reference your original "from tease to worse" i prefered from tease to worse because no *****

umm

so why are you happy to censor force and drunk but keep cock. Why censor at all

B***k I****d

I l***d y**r s***y, b*t oft*n co***n't fig**e o*t w**t y*u w**e t*ying to s*y.

okayyyy.... I have no idea why there are asterisks...

I'll go back in and edit, and then resubmit. No clue what happened, readers. Also, for those asking about motivations of the husband, please note that most of my writing is POV-themed. The main character wouldn't know things outside of her input... I intended to put in a chapter to explain everything, but based on the nasty comments I am receiving from the spineless Anonymous commenters, I'll likely make these two chapters the only submissions. Life is too short to take this much crap from anyone.

I'd read another chapter

though I'm not fond of the asterisks. Thanks for this one!

Sorry...

I'm sorry, but all the asterisks used didn't make me rate it more than 1*!!! In my dictionary that was rape!!! And a husband that let his wife to be raped is a low scum, that doesn't love her! You may say in the end she enjoyed it, but it's rape! He forced her! She was lucky he didn't beat her!!! A night that had gone bad...

uhg

i loved the story but the husband not even showing up to help his wife ruined it for me. i feel it would of been better if it showed the husband atleast attempting to save his wife