Learn the basics of the English language before you try to write
If you think the phrase 'random stranger' makes sense, then you are an idiot.
Is 'random stranger' supposed to be as opposed to a stranger that she already knew?
Think about the meaning of the words you use! I know that is not a very trendy thing to do, especially where lazy American and British people are concerned (I do not know if the author is either).
The overall idea is a good one, however you should take more time to explain what the house is and the people in charge, slow down the story and get more detail into it.
Of course you do have some things to work on, it was not completely awful. It does need some work, but I would rather berate one of your anon comments below...
For the one who reviewed as: Learn the basics of the English language before you try to write.
This user is trying to make a point, but has screwed up royally. He/She condemned the writer for using 'random stranger.' Although there are better ways to phrase this, it is not inherently wrong. A stranger can be picked by a mistress/master, and therefore not be random. So there is a difference between 'stranger' and 'random stranger.' This phrase, although not perfect, is not redundant.
Okay, rant over.
Some advice for the author: details would be lovely in any story, especially smut.
English
Learn the basics of the English language before you try to write
If you think the phrase 'random stranger' makes sense, then you are an idiot.
Is 'random stranger' supposed to be as opposed to a stranger that she already knew?
Think about the meaning of the words you use! I know that is not a very trendy thing to do, especially where lazy American and British people are concerned (I do not know if the author is either).
Almost
The overall idea is a good one, however you should take more time to explain what the house is and the people in charge, slow down the story and get more detail into it.
All in all a good first draft.
This is more of a reply than a review
Of course you do have some things to work on, it was not completely awful. It does need some work, but I would rather berate one of your anon comments below...
For the one who reviewed as: Learn the basics of the English language before you try to write.
This user is trying to make a point, but has screwed up royally. He/She condemned the writer for using 'random stranger.' Although there are better ways to phrase this, it is not inherently wrong. A stranger can be picked by a mistress/master, and therefore not be random. So there is a difference between 'stranger' and 'random stranger.' This phrase, although not perfect, is not redundant.
Okay, rant over.
Some advice for the author: details would be lovely in any story, especially smut.
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