The First Ch. 01

Needs A LOT of editing.

please submit more i would like to read them

Not Bad...Room to improve

I was looking for some background. Who are these characters? What is their relationship with one another? Where does the story start? Who knocked on the door and what happened then?

Not bad....

I agree with Mel. Needs lots of editing. Commas and periods are not bad things. It feels rushed, but the basics are there. Would be interested in reading a rewrite.

Keep going

Grammer etc is a skill and can be learnt and improved and with help from an editor make it easier for a reader. Imagination and then the courage to share that imagination is to be respected. Keep going and future stories will keep getting more honed and professional. I think the more you share the more you will learn, getting your obvious story telling skills to flow smoothly

Much improved

Punctuation, grammar and spelling are much improved in the re-submitted version. Thanks for making a good story easier to read!

Making me very horny

Please wright more I'm dripping wet. I will be fantasizing this happening ;)

Details matter.

When did the drink appear ?...he'd just pushed her against the wall as they entered the room .Details matter and this would have been better if it had a little background and thought put in to it .