not enough background or character development and not enough plot or details. this should have been twice as long to get to the same place. you had better already be writing the second chapter and it better have more details and some of what was missing here.
by
Anonymous07/24/14
Lucky couple
Real sexy story a real mindblower didn,t want it to stop hope she is not in the family way i would be doing it daily
by
Anonymous08/10/15
little sis
Fuck man wish i had a hot little sister to fuck with
by
Anonymous02/22/16
ughh my 15 inch cock is throbbing with hot blood and cum. I came once and rubbed it all over my cock, im about to come again
by
Anonymous07/19/16
It shows promise, but your writing style needs to evolve some more. Keep at it!
English
a bit rushed
not enough background or character development and not enough plot or details. this should have been twice as long to get to the same place. you had better already be writing the second chapter and it better have more details and some of what was missing here.
Lucky couple
Real sexy story a real mindblower didn,t want it to stop hope she is not in the family way i would be doing it daily
little sis
Fuck man wish i had a hot little sister to fuck with
ughh my 15 inch cock is throbbing with hot blood and cum. I came once and rubbed it all over my cock, im about to come again
It shows promise, but your writing style needs to evolve some more. Keep at it!
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