It was alright, -ish, but at least TRY to make the dialogue at least a LITTLE bit more plausible, yeah? You'll find the story will flow better, and it'll be hotter.
Somebody shoot this story. It's not going to make it, and we're all suffering.
"Next I would like to introduce my sister, Nicole who is 28 years old. She is about 5"8' and weights about 170 pounds. Nicole is by no means fat..."
I've got some bad news for you, brother: At 5'8" (And did you catch the difference there? You've got her at "5 inches and 8 feet", but what's another typo in this hot mess?), anyway, at 5 feet, 8 inches tall, and 170 pounds, Nicole is by ALL means fat. Even if all that weight was muscle, with just 2 or 3% body fat, Nicole would be a huge girl.
Some more bad news: This story gets 1's in all categories:
Grammatically, it's horrible. (Typos, terrible attempts -- and failure to attempt, in some cases -- punctuation, misspelled and misused words... If there was a way to screw it up, you screwed it up.)
The dialog was almost bad enough to be amusing, except it wasn't amusing. It was just bad.
The plot WAS laughably bad. It was a joke. A horribly, terribly, incredibly bad joke.
A pretty good first story! Most of the stories on here require the reader to suspend disbelief anyway. As far as her size goes, you can Google Image Search women 5'8" 170lbs and see that while she may be a little heavier than most swimsuit models, she's by no means "fat". Especailly when you consider her size F breasts. I would caution against the trope of 'massive breats' that most guys tend to drool over. I personally like a more realistic size :)
If you continue, it might be a good idea to ask somoene to proof-read the story. If not for content then for gramatical and other errors that creep in.
Keep going!
by
Anonymous07/25/14
Fire or get an editor.
"So we both but out swim wear back on and sat down"
With all of the mistakes that are present in still enjoyed the story. Keep the stories coming.
by
Anonymous07/26/14
Good read
Very Hot
by
Anonymous07/26/14
a fine story, especially from a first-timer
I like brother and sister stories, and the angle of the big sister and little brother, who's not little at all, is cute. So I agree with mycuriousnature, this is an excellent first effort. We need more hot exciting tales of brother and sister fucking from gifted first-timers like Forbidden Love. I don't understand this character who styles himself "Epiphany Jones." He's determined to annihilate a promising beginning author, quash him utterly. Why? Why has he got a bug up his ass about Forbidden Love? Has Epi written better stories? Check it out, he hasn't written a single one, nada, zilch. So just shut the fuck up, dear "Epiphany Jones" and let writers like FL write and readers who enjoy his stories enjoy.
The woman is always the cum slut but the man is this ... well, what the hell is he? I don't get off on calling someone a slut, if you do fine. Seems in this instance with no background to consider, his sister just enjoyed sex in many positions. I usually think of a slut as someone who fucks multiple partners.
Why didn't she call her brother a horn dog or cock hound?
English
Listen,
It was alright, -ish, but at least TRY to make the dialogue at least a LITTLE bit more plausible, yeah? You'll find the story will flow better, and it'll be hotter.
Somebody shoot this story. It's not going to make it, and we're all suffering.
"Next I would like to introduce my sister, Nicole who is 28 years old. She is about 5"8' and weights about 170 pounds. Nicole is by no means fat..."
I've got some bad news for you, brother: At 5'8" (And did you catch the difference there? You've got her at "5 inches and 8 feet", but what's another typo in this hot mess?), anyway, at 5 feet, 8 inches tall, and 170 pounds, Nicole is by ALL means fat. Even if all that weight was muscle, with just 2 or 3% body fat, Nicole would be a huge girl.
Some more bad news: This story gets 1's in all categories:
Grammatically, it's horrible. (Typos, terrible attempts -- and failure to attempt, in some cases -- punctuation, misspelled and misused words... If there was a way to screw it up, you screwed it up.)
The dialog was almost bad enough to be amusing, except it wasn't amusing. It was just bad.
The plot WAS laughably bad. It was a joke. A horribly, terribly, incredibly bad joke.
an idea for you
Please make use of the volunteer editors. I think you could become a pretty decent writer.
Not Likely
He's never seen tits before but he has eaten pussy.
Not a bad 1st attempt
A pretty good first story! Most of the stories on here require the reader to suspend disbelief anyway. As far as her size goes, you can Google Image Search women 5'8" 170lbs and see that while she may be a little heavier than most swimsuit models, she's by no means "fat". Especailly when you consider her size F breasts. I would caution against the trope of 'massive breats' that most guys tend to drool over. I personally like a more realistic size :)
If you continue, it might be a good idea to ask somoene to proof-read the story. If not for content then for gramatical and other errors that creep in.
Keep going!
Fire or get an editor.
"So we both but out swim wear back on and sat down"
Love the premise
With all of the mistakes that are present in still enjoyed the story. Keep the stories coming.
Good read
Very Hot
a fine story, especially from a first-timer
I like brother and sister stories, and the angle of the big sister and little brother, who's not little at all, is cute. So I agree with mycuriousnature, this is an excellent first effort. We need more hot exciting tales of brother and sister fucking from gifted first-timers like Forbidden Love. I don't understand this character who styles himself "Epiphany Jones." He's determined to annihilate a promising beginning author, quash him utterly. Why? Why has he got a bug up his ass about Forbidden Love? Has Epi written better stories? Check it out, he hasn't written a single one, nada, zilch. So just shut the fuck up, dear "Epiphany Jones" and let writers like FL write and readers who enjoy his stories enjoy.
Seems so sexist
The woman is always the cum slut but the man is this ... well, what the hell is he? I don't get off on calling someone a slut, if you do fine. Seems in this instance with no background to consider, his sister just enjoyed sex in many positions. I usually think of a slut as someone who fucks multiple partners.
Why didn't she call her brother a horn dog or cock hound?
To each his/her own I guess.
we start with an 18 year old shy boy who has never seen naked breasts before
who suddenly becomes a world class expert at cunnilingus, and doubles as a dominant alpha male.
If calling his sister his cum slut is how he shows her respect, I would hate to see what he is like around people he doesn't care for.
I just realised this is a political statement not an erotic story
as is true, in this divided governmental climate
you are either
for
or
against
biden
anything in between is forbidden.
and that folks explains the many spelling errors in the story.
lol
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to My Incestuous Fantasies Pt. 01 or
More submissions by ForbidenLove.