Tell me how to make it more erotic and I will try harder on the next chapter of the story.
by
Anonymous07/28/14
Agree with Anon.
The only way to salvage this, and add an erotic frisson, is to actually have some kind of emotional connection, anything at all, between them; at the moment the sex is clinical and uninteresting, because all they're doing is gratifying their sexual impulses; a hooker could do that for you with an alleyway knee-trembler, with as little emotional connection as there is here. You don't have a style that immediately draws the reader in to want to read further, so I'd work on that, too.
by
Anonymous07/28/14
Lust not Love
Did you cretins read the first line of the story?
"This is a story of lust, not love."
The author repeatedly emphasizes the wham, bam nature of the sex. It is a simple direct story of fucking. That's the point of the story.
If you want relationships, go watch daytime TV.
It's purely a lust driven relationship if you add the emotional connection that will make it like every other story on here I didn't want that. Whats wrong with hooker sex? Are you telling me that every person you have slept with you have had an emotional connection with? I never had an emotional connection with most of the girls i slept with. If you never looked at a hot girl or guy and thought i want to fuck his/her brains out and followed through, i feel sorry for you but that might be why you don't get the story.
English
What a waste of time!
Not only a waste of time, but not at all erotic by any stretch of the imagination!,
ok anonymous
Tell me how to make it more erotic and I will try harder on the next chapter of the story.
Agree with Anon.
The only way to salvage this, and add an erotic frisson, is to actually have some kind of emotional connection, anything at all, between them; at the moment the sex is clinical and uninteresting, because all they're doing is gratifying their sexual impulses; a hooker could do that for you with an alleyway knee-trembler, with as little emotional connection as there is here. You don't have a style that immediately draws the reader in to want to read further, so I'd work on that, too.
Lust not Love
Did you cretins read the first line of the story?
"This is a story of lust, not love."
The author repeatedly emphasizes the wham, bam nature of the sex. It is a simple direct story of fucking. That's the point of the story.
If you want relationships, go watch daytime TV.
This is a story of lust, not love
It's purely a lust driven relationship if you add the emotional connection that will make it like every other story on here I didn't want that. Whats wrong with hooker sex? Are you telling me that every person you have slept with you have had an emotional connection with? I never had an emotional connection with most of the girls i slept with. If you never looked at a hot girl or guy and thought i want to fuck his/her brains out and followed through, i feel sorry for you but that might be why you don't get the story.
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