All Comments on 'There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 07'

by Prolonged_Debut10

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  • 38 Comments
AlunCarregTheWelshmanAlunCarregTheWelshmanover 9 years ago
as always fabulous

your book turned down,well i'll be dammed ,your writing style would suit any-bodys reading taste, look forward to next installment of this very enjoyable story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Tie in

I believe that these geniuses of this story should definitely meet Patricia, Dycke,Harold,Stephano and the gang...I absolutely love your stories. thank you very much

BGD

arincharinchover 9 years ago
Very Tiresome

The dialog is so adversarial, it almost psychotic. With kill, hate, and such thrown around as normal conversation among people who are supposedly close to each other, needling to irritation is shown as normal.

Which is why I'm irritated. I've skipped many paragraphs because of this. And I will stop here because though it is a good story quite well laid out, I'm not up to the style. Thanks for writing and sharing.

C_frommnC_frommnover 9 years ago
Love It

I think Gordon should have 2 or more cuties on Board when they leave Earth.

Sid0604Sid0604over 9 years ago
Another great chapter...

Thank you for another great chapter to add to a thoroughly enjoyable story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
dumb puplishers

they make 50 shades of gray a best seller and a movie

but great stories likes yours get rejected

i look foward to each new chapter of all your stories

Alaska84Alaska84over 9 years ago
Fantastic story

I loved reading your story. You had me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing it with us!

tangman1950tangman1950over 9 years ago
Congrats

I have thoroughly enjoyed your stories and this one is just as enjoyable. It it my great hope that you bring Patti and Antonia into the story at some point. Also I would tell you keep writing one of your stories will be published, you can only hold a talent like yours back so long before they are recognized. Don't forget you can keep the same charactets going forever ex. James Patterson and Maxine Petro have written 17 books using the same characters the Women's Murder Club with the 4 main persons. Good Luck. Jim

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Not Everyone Can Recognize Unpolished Gems

Your stories are terrific - there's no doubt about that. Sometimes publishers don't want stories that are unlike the cliché borrowed story lines that have been repetitively been "written." Your stories have taken me through flips and turns that are only beaten by the numerous bouts of humor.There's a raft of people that would love to read your story and I'm one of them.

Don't lose hope! -J

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Hello, Me Again

With the exception of one very critical comment I have to agree with all the others: you are very talented and I cannot imagine you being turned down by publishers (although I have to admit that there are many successful writers who were turned down numerous times before someone actually discovered that they did, indeed, have some talent after all). I have only read this series, thus far. I suppose, when I get the time, I will have to try the other/s.

Gordon is hysterical, even more than the rest of the characters if that can be believed. And I wouldn't be surprised at all, as one reader suggested, if he has a couple or so young ladies willing to travel to outer space with him when the time comes. Being smart can be sexy--just ask my wife.

Anyway, this was another solid chapter and I am looking forward to what follows. Have fun.

Roger.

redlion75redlion75over 9 years ago

was hoping gray and his daughter would be at the party for the father daughter dance,and to prove to us that she hasnt turned into a horny teen girl that has a chance to get laid while the parents arent home.

DesireeFoxDesireeFoxover 9 years ago
Another wonderful mega Chapter

Very Compelling, and so much fun to read

DAMSEL Approved

As too the publishers, it is more about wether a book fits thier profile, there is one out there that is looking for something new it maybe the 3rd or the 33rd, keep trying and when you are published I will BUY your bookS

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Still your best story in my opinion..

I am the one who hinted that Gordon should marry one of Patricia's Daughters but after he drove Brad crazy dating his daughters. Your last chapter of Honor Thy Mother and Thy father told of how smart Patricia's daughters are and i thought either of them and Gordon would make brilliant children.

Gordon is still one of my favorite characters along with Even and Delicous and it brings a devious smile to my face every time I see that I get to read another chapter into the life of the Luck family.

Sorry to read that your book is being turned down. What is the book about?

Wes

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Alternate publishing

Check out SMASHMOUTH.COM as alternate, Found "When We Were Married" there.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Brighton, nice little town in 1978.

I grew up in Brighton, GO Bulldogs class of 1978.

I really love your stories and how quick you publish.

arrowglassarrowglassover 9 years ago
:):):):):):):)

My sides hurt laughing so hard...thanks!

dmg43dmg43over 9 years ago
MAYBE

I just don't understand.....BUT in ALL of your stories the women are ALWAYS hitting, kicking & screaming at the men. REALLY????

The men ALL seem to have a fetish for spanking their women.

I like your stories but all the hitting & screaming gets more than a little tiresome & tedious after a while.

I guess it's just me.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
AMAZING!

I thought that this story is AMAZING. Thanks for sharing it with us, the readers, thank you. Take care of yourself. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS. GOOD LUCK with the publishing houses.

Dale

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Publishing your book...

Have you tried self-publishing? I wrote a book as well, and I am working on doing the self-publishing route myself.

gemman1gemman1over 9 years ago
Great Story

As usual, you writing is superb. Keep up the good work, I really love reading your work.

SplitAcesSplitAcesover 9 years ago
Disappointed

I was quite impressed when you had Even waiting until his wedding night to have sex with Jennifer. Then you started spouting absolute crap about Delicious having to decide for herself when she is ready for sex! Apparently, you don't believe in Right and Wrong; it is just the general consensus that matters. Well, I say Eat shit! Billions of flies can't be wrong! How can you possibly condone a 17 year old girl whose body is flooding with hormones and her mind hasn't matured yet, to be encouraged to consider sex with some guy she just met, to be a perfectly allowable option if she decides she is ready for it! She wouldn't stand a chance against a skilled womanizer. I am unable to consider this to just be poor judgement on your part; but more likely a planned attack on the innocence of our youth through misinformation.

mountaincat4mountaincat4over 9 years ago
Maybe 2

It's not just you DMG43. The fluctuations in the behavior and verbal interaction from caring and adult to abusive and childish got old pretty quick in these stories. It's almost bi-polar. I see this a lot in the stories on LIterotica and elsewhere (NFL, movies). Even if it's an act, projecting a tough demeanor and being verbally sarcastic and deprecating does absolutely nothing to enhance the impression you make on others. It makes men seem like jerks and women appear tough and unattractive. Lose the pretzel jar! We don't need a scorecard to document the fact that all the characters are world class potty mouths. Gordon (the only consistently sane and emotionally unimpaired character in these stories) needs to run for his life.

You should also seriously consider having a good editor clean up the grammar, misspellings and stylistic clumsiness that detract from an otherwise basically enjoyable reading experience.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
The Comments

You have tremendous writing, perhaps the best of any author on this site. But, no publisher is going to publish your work UNLESS you clean it up.

Between dmg43 and mountaincat4 they have told you what to do.

Hate and abuse of children are not going too sell your works and they destroy the images of otherwise highly appealing characters.

I suspect with an editor like mountaincat4 you would soon be rich.

jim

katgoddess1katgoddess1over 9 years ago
SplitAces

Sometimes a teen needs to hear that they are trusted in order to to gain the confidence they need to be trust-worthy.

dozendozenover 9 years ago
Great Story but...

...you really need a good editor. It's full of typos and other annoying errors, eg "If you think women only where colors", and "were" when you mean "we're".

tomscardstomscardsover 9 years ago
publishing

have you ever read about how many companies wanted nothing to do with the harry potter series at the start? if not, do not lose hope.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
lost hope long ago

I can absolutely see why no publisher would want anything to do with this shit,, it seems a 6 year old or maybe even younger wrote it,, the spelling , grammer ,, m is used words and all the crap would turn anyone away from it

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
It's entertaining for here, but....

You are far from being publishable even if its cleaned up. It's very competitive out there! I suggest taking a creative writing course, and not giving up!!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Not another one

I think you have something against Rod.....first Delicious punches him in the face for teasing his buddy and threatens to have his wife cut him off from any personal time.....then Gordon head butts in his balls on a bet.....nor Even convinces Roz to cut him off from sex for 7 days....I am really wondering if he has any say in his life or He even matters to his wife.....she would probably spend some time with another man on Even's say so to teach him a lesson.....but he still stands by the family.....now that's loyalty and friendship......another thing is withholding sex in any relationship as a punishment will destroy a marriage.....I think I like Rod the best and in Roz's place I would have my husbands back and tell those that interfere in our personal lives to go take a hike

Chief3BlanketChief3Blanketover 8 years ago
I give up

This story just keeps getting weirder and weirder, with totally unbelievable characters. So chapter seven is as far as I am going to read.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Enough! I quit.

This was one of those reads where the story potential was there but the dialogue and character development detracted from the story. Very few of the characters were like able, there was way too much inane sophomoric banter, I could not comprehend the constant adversarial relationship of the characters and what was with the non-stop hitting, slapping and spanking?

I kept reading this hoping it would get better but alas, it didn't. Too bad as the story premise is good.

ArcingLightArcingLightover 8 years ago
Finally giving up....

Dear Prolonged_Debut,

I never like to say this. But I have to. The story has potential, but it's been completely ruined by the character development(which is bipolar and schizophrenic, seriously), and the dialogues. Oh God, the Dialogue! 99.99% of it is totally unreadably boring. The rest is unrealistic. This site has many good authors, a lot of whom excel in banter-writing. I guess you should read those.

I won't Even (hehe) touch the grammar and spelling mistakes with a 10 foot pole.

If you could get an outside opinion from a volunteer editor, oike the ones we have on Literotica, and start the story from scratch, it would be a great story.

Please do look into it.

With regards,

Arcinglight

Gemini1766Gemini1766over 8 years ago
Dialog

Others have pointed out the fact that your dialog is sub-par. What they've failed to do is to tell you why it stinks worse than wet 10 day old road kill in the hot Texas Sun.

# Lack of contractions - it makes the characters less like real people.

# Stilted - It's like listening to a bunch of stuffed shirts with Ph. D behind their names being stupidly pompous.

# Contrived - the way they "speak" is not natural and flowing,

I, too, am going to stop reading your stories at this point. All indications tell me that you are too self centered to take the comments and advice to heart and therefore make the story better in any way.

You claim to hold a Masters in history. If that's the case, then you should have a much better grasp of the importance proper writing and editing before submitting any work. I'm quite certain that anyone with a BA or BS must have more than a passing familiarity with APA and/or MLA writing styles. Your writing suggests you don't; not with the plethora of grammatical and spelling errors, combined with homophone mixups. No publishing house will touch your story, because it is poorly written, unbelievable, and contrived.

Maybe this will wake you up.

Perhaps you'll finally realize that you need to do better.

How so many have rated it so highly is beyond my understanding. However, scores here will mot translate into similar standing in normal publishing channels.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
here for the story, not Reality!

Many of my fellow readers(and re-readers like my self) complain about science geeks, nerds, super geniuses, Wealthy to-do's, and there families actually speaking correct ENGLISH and not sounding like our failing education system here in America. The story is good, the characters are strange and extra-large at first but they and all the characters in his other stories grow and change like real people, not just cardboard hero cut outs that never lose, change, or grow.

PD10 explicitly states on each chapter, this is a Novel. Meaning it takes time for all the little details to grow and blow your mind. Patience is a virtue, but its also a way of life.

-Revol

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Please stop writing! I can't slerp

This not about this chapter specifically but about the whole story so far.

I start reading late at night when I go to bed and never stop until the break of dawn after so many complaints from my sleeping wife next to me in bed. You can imagine how I feel next day at work. So tired and thinking about going back home to see where this story is going.

It is killing me!

I do not want to see how many chapters are left. But despite what I wrote above, I hope there is still many more.

I think the publishers you've mentioned are so stupid to let you down!

Ravey19Ravey1912 months ago

I cannot believe your bad luck in having the book turned down. I'm no bookseller but I love your storytelling and the characters you've generated here. The writing is funky at times but I love the interactions you've created. Yes, there are errors which should be picked up but I admit I gloss over them as i concentrate on the story. I'd have to read each chapter twice, once for the context and humour, secondly to pick up the mistakes.

Brilliant. Easily 5 stars.

JipsyJipsy5 months ago

Always keep trying. Never give up!! Wonderful work but you do need an editor/proofreader.

AnonymousAnonymous3 months ago

I cannot believe he is condoning an underage person to have sex. So be it. The other thing I have a problem, that is my problem, but I detest, hate, get worked up when a lady has her hair up. My autism kicks off. I have to have a face framed by hair, yes has to be long. I do not recognise a person that has short hair. If they have long hair and it is down, I will instantly recognise them a second time. Thus I do not find it elegant for a lady to have her hair 'up'. I know this will bore a lot to tears.

Delicious does not seem to have that many hang ups but she is being made to be dense. Her mother gave her all those ways of keeping males away from her and now she capitulates so readily. For me that does not equate to her inner self. I feel the author is playing with their readers.

Anonymous
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B.S. Professional Studies M.A. History I Love Books with great content, and words in general. Language is my love. I write for my enjoyment. I write non-erotic pieces, and add some titilating scenes in every so often, to pick up your heart rate. If you are looking for smut, l...

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