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English
If hubby had any balls
He'd use the video to rape her in a nice divorce. But from the title, it looks as if he's a closet cuckold and wimp. By the way, a number of writing errors. An editor would be helpful.
I'm going to wait and see what happens...
before I score it.
Like " laptopwriter"...
Like " laptopwriter", I'll wait to rate this...But for the begining this doesn't go in the right direction...
Decide
Not badly written, but whether it is worth the read or not depends on what you have the husband do.....I am hoping that you aren't going to write another wimp cuckold story, but given the direction that LW seems to be going lately that is probably a forlorn hope.....be nice to see some real consequences for such betrayal.
I liked it...
Sad for the hubby, but as your other readers don't seem to realize... THIS IS FANTASY... This is a hot description of wild sex. This is not your (or their) life, your wife... This is just hot. I don't know why the haters even come here. It's all about the erotic. I liked your set up -- having him watch on the virtual PI was cool, because otherwise, there's little variance. The sex is often pretty much the same from story to story, just like typical porn video. I think you wrote very well. THANK YOU!
I was with you until...
The wife said she would turn into a whore for her lover. Not saying that's not a viable element to the story but just not in chapter one. I realize that this wasn't there first time together but I think these type of stories are better if the wife is slowly debased. Almost unwittingly drawn into a lifestyle that she wouldn't have dreamed of when she first saw that rough guy on the corner giving her the eye.
Anyway it's your story, I enjoyed the sex scene and it wasn't the worst story I've read today. 3*
Interesting beginning
Too early to jump to conclusions for a score. Please continue.
Thanks
I read all feedback. I think it's neat some people lash out at the characters, call them names like it's real. You should see some of the private messages. More than one email from black dudes that basically said they want to meet my wife. I didn't write back to tell them it's all totally made up. Let them dream :)....
More is coming, and I am going to take this in a different direction. KEep an eye out. Will write down the next part next time it gets slow at work.
Thank you all for taking the time to leave your opinions, positive or negative, as long as there is thought behind what you say. Criticism helps me, especially the things I need to work on like pacing. Maybe because when I want to write I'm horny, and I want to hurry up and get to the dirty parts.
Just don't be like the cunt at the top who wrote one line: "I give it one star". If that's all you got, just rate it and move on. We're not really interested in knowing it was you.
Too fast
The development of Sweetie (AND Hubby, for that matter) is too fast getting to the money shot! The reader (at least this reader) knows very little about either of them (good aspects as well as bad) before Sweetie is demeaning Hubby while getting fucked by Bull in the ass - and giving away jewelry for which Hubby worked hard!
It is difficult to feel full anger at a bitch we don't know ... or sorrow for a husband who may not deserve our interest.
How can Ch2 top the sex we've gotten already? Maybe if Sweetie gets gang-banged by a herd of rhinos? Or seduces 15 kindergarteners? Oops ... 18-yr. old kindergarteners who've been held back a WHOLE lot!
3*
I gave this chapter a five and here's why...
First, all good epics begin in the middle. Recall the Iliad begins with the roll call of the warriors who were already in their tenth year of war. Your protagonist has found himself right in the middle of his difficulties. Now you can 'go back' and fill us in. I'm hooked.
Second, our protagonist 'is not' just another 'happy cuckold'. He appears torn. Let's hope you don't go down the road of 'oh gee this is so neat I can watch my wife, or maybe eat someone else's semen or... blah blah blah. Let's get some hand wringing here.
Third, yes she's stepped down on the social ladder. How will our protagonist handle it. How will she if her 'lover' continues to use her; the 'give me jewelry was a good tell'.
Fourth, we don't really know why. Oh sure we've heard the 'big cock' line, let's hope you do more than just that.
Fifth, the interracial theme always adds an emotional dimension. There's family to think of; think of the bigoted mom and dad, the angry bigoted husband, maybe the bigoted lover who 'gets off' on using white women. Then there's the I can never take her back for this, or the I know I'll never be accepted back if this gets out. Remember the 'once black never go back' adage is more often about the 'damaged goods' theme than the 'big cock' myth. This could be interesting. I didn't recall a locale; is it Boston, Massachusetts or Augusta, Georgia.
Sixth, you didn't mention any children yet. You could take this in a myriad of different directions; the angry adolescent son, the even angrier young daughter infuriated at her mother's betrayal of a dad she adores, a potentially lascivious lover who eyes an innocent daughter, or a childless couple where the threat of divorce could turn his career or her personal life on their heads.
Seventh, there's still the BTB option or worse the Matt Moreau type acceptance and humiliation.
Eighth, yes you had grammatical errors, but they looked mostly like poor proofreading and not stupidity. If you just slowed down and rechecked a few more times before putting your next parts up that could be fixed.
Ninth, you've left room for the possibility of 'buyer's remorse', I never should have married her and I remember now..., or the I wish I hadn't taken this man in my bed because now I'll...
Last, I gave you a five as an incentive to keep writing, and to try to be as creative as possible.
One admonition; let's not have any exploding scoreboards, skywriting, gun play, navy SEAL or karate activity. I've thrown in some of that in a couple of my stories and I wished I hadn't.
I want you to really run and gun(figuratively) with this, but don't just drop it, and for heaven's sake don't take forever between chapters. This could be fun, but please no more 'happy cuckolds'.
Good story!
Gave it 5 *'s on the erection meter.
Someone mentioned errors, but I didn't notice any blaring errors. And I'm the one that usually points them out. But anyone can use a fresh set of eyes to look over a story to catch something the author missed.
I'm looking forward to the next chapters as to what hubby will do. And I'm like Loves_Music... folks, THESE ARE FANTASY STORIES...don't get all bent out of shape. But I do wonder why all the cuckold stories, where the hubby watches adulterous wife with an illicit lover always gets an erection, and usually winds up cumming. One story a couple of weeks ago had the hubby not getting an erection, and he really put the screws to the bitch wife. This sounds like a real BTB story. I am interested on what twist you will put to it.
The answer to that last line in story: BTB!!!
He has to get rid of her: expose her cheating all over the place: post her clips online, mail as attachments to her friends & family, and rape her in the "legal" system during the divorce. At least, kids are not a factor here...
When you gonna finish bro?
Is a bit cliched interacial genre, but enough originality and character to maintain interest and have me willing to invest in another chapter.
Hot
This was hot - I wanted more!
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