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That was terrible
Never continue this drivel. Totally lacking in anything original, clever or interesting. Badly structured. When you make your characters dumber than rocks your story becomes a rock. Just awful.
rubbish
really couldn't follow where the story was going chopped and changes direction all the time for no particular reason I will not be reading the following stories
I really liked it
The interaction between the characters was hot. I enjoyed your description of the scenes.
I think the story would gain a lot by being more clear. Maybe try to gauge the utility of the flashback against the loss in clarity that it causes?
Also the butthurt comments that you got are maybe related to the fact that your subtitle (Detective scopes a strip joint for his partner.) did not made it clear to the people browsing the bdsm category that they were about to read femdom. Maledom being so common that some people seem to get easily offended over it.
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