good story, but with a little editing and proof reading it could have been better. a clit is sexy, a clot is gross. there was continuity issues with her panties...on then off then on...and on what daddy was doing to her.
Not too bad for your first story, needs a lot of work and spell check would be nice.
Checked your Bio, your are a beautiful young woman, keep wriring you can only get better.
I also looked at your bio and see that you are an attractive young woman who is just starting out writing erotica. If possible, try to get into dad's head and explore what emotions he is feeling. I understand that his daughter is attractive and desirable but what has caused him to get to this point? Some innocent flirting, secretly watching his daughter masturbate, mom not satisfying him or is frigid... Go into more detail, spend some time decoding his thought process. Also, as a writer, invest in a thesaurus, if you seriously want to pursue writing, a thesaurus well be one of your best friends. As a female writing in the first person as a male will not be easy, you have your work cut out for you. Looking forward to your next submission on Little Elsie.
English
good story
good story, but with a little editing and proof reading it could have been better. a clit is sexy, a clot is gross. there was continuity issues with her panties...on then off then on...and on what daddy was doing to her.
looking forward to seeing your next post.
Not too bad for your first story
Not too bad for your first story, needs a lot of work and spell check would be nice.
Checked your Bio, your are a beautiful young woman, keep wriring you can only get better.
a good start
I also looked at your bio and see that you are an attractive young woman who is just starting out writing erotica. If possible, try to get into dad's head and explore what emotions he is feeling. I understand that his daughter is attractive and desirable but what has caused him to get to this point? Some innocent flirting, secretly watching his daughter masturbate, mom not satisfying him or is frigid... Go into more detail, spend some time decoding his thought process. Also, as a writer, invest in a thesaurus, if you seriously want to pursue writing, a thesaurus well be one of your best friends. As a female writing in the first person as a male will not be easy, you have your work cut out for you. Looking forward to your next submission on Little Elsie.
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