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his sweet waters

bybutters©
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Comments (5)
by Anonymous

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by pelegrino08/11/14

I like very much that you conclude with the first line after describing the content of the dreams as advertised and as actual.
What can I say? Reality can be sweeter than nightmares, but you definitely know about nightmares too as you describe them so vividly. You never have any doubts about adverts, eh?
5ed!

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by Trixareforkids08/11/14

Still like this one

Was kinda hoping it would have an ending along the lines of

Now that I dream with you.

I know it's implied but I like the expressed happy ending.

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by todski2808/11/14

i loved this

In the threads and here still,

The imagery in the first four lines is clear and bright, everything is flowing beautiful and then you turn it into a sewage plant in such a sudden fashion that I had to slow down my read and wade through the proverbial to get to the core of the poem, thanks for putting me metaphorically neck deep in shit butters :p
The final line gives release to the poem like a snap of the fingers but lingering shit scented discomfort is still there like the last remnants of a bad dream,

But also adds the relief of you never having those dreams any more. Beauty to horror, to salvation in only sixteen lines. Brilliant. 5ed

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by champagne198208/12/14

A bit of a relief...

I wonder why you changed the construct of "anymore/any more" between the opening line and the end. I feel that either way you could have gotten away without saying anymore at all. I know it doesn't feel as conversational without it so maybe that's why you didn't pare it off. No matter. I enjoyed this one. Thank you for the thought provoking read.
CC

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by Magnetron08/13/14

Your next assignment shall be

" His Salty Taters "

Have it on my desk by tomorrow's end.

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