When In A Couples...

iffy

3.5 stars,. Different, but people make mistakes. If I were in Chris's shoes, I would probably would forgive. I would also start out as friends dating again, and figure out if she learn a lesson or not. If I were in Amy's situation, I could completely understand the hesitation. They were happy together, and probably should see if anything can be salvaged. When dating or married, maintain your own individuality, don't be needy, don't be dependent because that could be stressing. Communicat, communicate, and communicate. Also don't forget romance, staying in shpe, maintaining yourself, and continue to do what you were doing while dating.

Conversations were very stiff and formal. The end kind of just fell off the table. The general idea was good and in a short story different views as well as some reasoning were included which isn't easy.

good story

great decision by chris. if she was keeping secrets from him. and lying to her parent about it while they were engaged. what would she do when they were married. did she even tell him that rob was a former lover, i dont think so.

Interesting

I believe he made the right decision. That's the kind of secret you don't keep from the one you love. Luckily he found out before marriage because that would have opened up a new batch of problems that a couple might not survive. Trust must be complete once you commit to someone. Hopefully she learned before she falls in love again.

Five Stars

Mixed feelings

Interesting, but less a story and more a teaching illustration.

if this was real life then you have to think she is well shot of him, his character is juvenile at best, there are not many people who do not have history before meeting a prospective partner, whole story had the feel of being written by a teenager anyway , poor

She should have open about it with him

She should have open about it with him but he is an cowardly asshole.

This is right...

A relationship that begins with a big lie, never ends well...He made the right decision. For sure that Rob would come back after she had married. Good story

Secrets

I feel he should have set her down and discussed marriage then talked about their past, he should have ask her if there was anything he should know about, and same for him I'm sure he isn't a virgin was there anything in his past he isn't revealing or maybe she would have not accepted, It's a two way street. Good read

Trust id essential...

..she should have told him long ago. I can understand him losing trust and reacting the way he did. A Monie on the internet, - you can never get rid of it. What would happen if somebody else saw it in a few years? Someone who could not be trusted? Obviously she had trusted her friends more than she has trusted him.
Nice piece of work you have delivered here, I enjoyed reading it. Thank you.

She not only lied to him but about him to her parents so its easy to see how Chris lost all trust in Amy and made the right decision for himself by dumping her.

What a prick

Does he really have absolutely nothing in his past that he hasn't discussed and dicected with her. I doubt it. He hadn't even asked her to marry him, so perhaps that was the point when she would have told him.Quite liked the outline and presentation though, so you still get a good few stars.

And the point of this was...?

I'm sorry, but I don't get it. I don't understand what point you were trying to make by writing this, and I especially don't understand why you submitted this under "Loving Wives."

The writing needs some work. You began the story in first person narrative, and then inexplicably switched to third person at some point. There was way too much dialog, and it was hard to follow.

In terms of the content, I suppose the moral of this story is: don't keep secrets from your loved ones. That's a fine lesson to learn, I suppose, but it wasn't conveyed in an interesting or effective way. This story reminds me of those long and rambling jokes that take far too long to get to a punchline that isn't all that funny.

I'm glad she escaped the prissy little jerk

She'll get over it - but he has some serious issues. What a nasty idiot.

Trust is the foundation of any relationship...

and neither had any...so the relationship was doomed.

Hold on people

Two young people in early stages of their relationship with all the insecurities young people have, just how much information do you reveal about yourself and when after 2 months ,3, 6, 12, yes certainly you should before any legal commitment, if Chris really loves her then he will show some maturity and would of course want much reassurance from Amy. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone --and all that.

Interesting plot.

I enjoyed the storyline and thought it was well conceived. It caused the reader to actually think. It appears that English may be the second language for the writer, so he should find an editor to help the flow, correct tenses, and word usage.

There is no right or wrong response to the information this guy learns. Some men wouldn't care too much, but others would. It would be wrong to continue the relationship if he realized it would always affect his ability to trust his wife. The fact that it's on the web and under her real name is odd. It would seem like she would have mounted an effort to get it removed from the web and castrated the guy that posted it. I understand the boyfriend's reaction as she didn't trust him with the truth, and now he doesn't trust her.

An okay story, if a bit dry

But where was the "loving wife"? This was posted in the wrong section. And while I understand him breaking off their relationship he sure did it in a cowardly way. Running in and out and hiding. He showed more courtesy to her Parents. Not a very nice guy.

The story begins well

There has to be more to the story. What happens to him, to her? This take can go several ways. He reconsiders after gaining more insight. She accepts his position and moves on to a productive life only to be thrown together later and after personal growth for both. His friends and their wives help him to take a more forgiving attitude towards her past and consider what he loses by the decisive action.
I just think this ending, while realistic, doesn't produce a fulfilling story.
Thank you for sharing your talent and I hope you will continue to write.

How old are you?

Aw, your feelings hurt?

Upset that your mate actually had sex before she met you? Poor boy. Talk about fragile male egos, this is just sad.

3*s

Gave you 3*s.
This is a more complete story. Reads more like a documentary. Did someone familiar to you have this experience or something similar. Emotions were muted and distant. But a good try at storytelling!Thanks.

AMerryMan

Interesting Plot

The question posed is interesting. For me I would have asked if there was anything that I should know before cutting her off. But the fact that she lied to her parents about their situation would have been proof that she can not be trusted.
An interesting question is : "Who put it up on the porno site?"!

Another fine tale

SWL has posted two good stories here in a short time frame. Both are well thought out and not the run of the mill "husband with PI pictures/Come home early' genre.

Keep it up, I enjoy your submissions

Well hi again...

Read the story and the comments.

HDK made the key points. Is English your second language? It looks like it might be. You had some unexpected grammatical errors, and some misused words.

I liked this theme; it matched your first story for creativity.

I don't recall, but I think I suggested you slow down. This little story was certainly rushed. You obviously were a little excited and wanted to get it up on line as quickly as you could. Don't be in such a hurry.

This was another five, but it could have been even better if you had only been a little less quick on the trigger.

Filed this under erotica?

I see no huge issues (although you should definitely correct "wonton slut": it made me chuckle, it was a rather culinary mental image); I think the biggest issue here is that there is no erotic side to this story. Unless you get off by people not having sex and feeling miserable.

FYI, Punctuating Dialogue

As an FYI, when one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark. Especially in a story where there are so many characters talking, this is even more important to keep track of who is talking.

Good Story; Wrong Category

First, ditto what HDK said. Second, should be in non-erotic category - does not fit LW and is not erotic. Third, credible situation and credible portrayal of bad timing, poor communication, and lack of trust. Obviously she should have told him once they were steady. Not sure what I would have done - would have depended on how strong or weak the attraction and the relationship actually was.

Interesting

Must echo Carvohi's question: is English your second language? The dialogue was too formal and stilted to be realistic. The First Person Observer viewpoint made this a serious problem, because the narrator had no insight into either person's feelings or emotions, so the story HAD to be driven by dialogue instead of exposition. Ergo, weak dialogue = weak story.

As for content, the whole group of them came off a bit neanderthalic. Perhaps the clencher was the fact she lied to her parents about it, but that sure wasn't clear in the story. It looked more like he dumped her just for a mistake in her past. Her reluctance is understandable, but they hadn't even moved in together yet. I think the better route would be to tell her you are contemplating getting serious, and asking if there's anything you should know. Just cutting all ties pver something a bit silly is, well, silly.

No matter the native language!

Just finished the FIRST paragraph. Three (married) brewing couples ... ranging from (early?) Thirties to late Fifties. WHAT??? Three couples! Two in their thirties, One couple in their fifties! (ZERO couples in-between) TWO married, one DATING! That is NOT a native-language difficulty!!! That is CARELESS writing!

Maybe it will get better in paragraph TWO!

Quibble-Proofing on prior comment

I assumed the first sentence was just a continuation/expansion of the title ... not the first paragraph!

Chris is 26 Years Old.

So, in paragraph two, Chris turns out to be 26 years old! GMAFB!!! I must assume that he is a member of one of the Thirty-Y.O. couples!

I solemnly swear to finish the f..g story before commenting again! (Unless FORCED to do so!)

Finally!

Agree with HDK (usually do!) that an editor was SORELY needed! A few more early observations. Hero(?) is -at 26- the best antique car repairman in town (and enjoys the best financial situation among the three couples!) Story must be based in Pebble Beach, Amelia Island or similar 'concours-d'elegance' hotbeds! Or he is the heir to big wealth and has a second hobby (beer and old cars!). He did NOT get rich in most places (at 26 ) by working on antique autos!

The story actually does get better, if one can get past 'wontons' and curdless milk (whey!) Sweetie is somehow missing when the three (actually 2.5) couples get together to brew beer (usually NOT a communal act ... enjoying the brewed beer- yes, actual brewing-no).

The defining point was made about how easy it would be for future children to find Sweetie's BJ tape! Hero also scores with his comment that Sweetie trusts Rob Suckee more than her intended hubby! BUT, I also agree that the story is remarkably NON-Erotic! We must assume that Hero has at least benefitted from her attentions as much as Rob once did!

2.6 = 3*

pretty much a discussion about a discussion

and one without a resolution.

unhappy people living sad lives.

wonton slut?

Is that some sort of new Chinese dish?