at least they cycle with different people. These stories are too short to make me care about anyone. It is a problem with shortcharacter description, and then the sex scene and that is it.
This story had so much potential, but you rushed through it. We don't know anything about the two main characters aside from her appearance. It would have been nice to learn something about them before they took the plunge into swinging. What was their marriage like? What motivated them to try swinging? A little dialog between them, leading up to that first meeting, would have been helpful.
We also know nothing about the other couple, aside from their appearance. Were they also first-time swingers? Or have they been swinging a long time? How did it feel to meet them? What was said during that initial conversation?
The sex scene was rushed as well. It would have been good to know the narrator's inner thoughts as he witnessed his wife taking another man's cock in her mouth for the first time. Did he feel nervous? Excited? Jealous? And what did it feel like to cum in the other woman's mouth? That part seemed so inconsequential it was like an afterthought. And why were the two men serviced, but the ladies were left wanting?
I encourage you to rewrite and resubmit this, but slow down, and pay attention to the details.
English
not much of a story
at least they cycle with different people. These stories are too short to make me care about anyone. It is a problem with shortcharacter description, and then the sex scene and that is it.
***
This story had so much potential, but you rushed through it. We don't know anything about the two main characters aside from her appearance. It would have been nice to learn something about them before they took the plunge into swinging. What was their marriage like? What motivated them to try swinging? A little dialog between them, leading up to that first meeting, would have been helpful.
We also know nothing about the other couple, aside from their appearance. Were they also first-time swingers? Or have they been swinging a long time? How did it feel to meet them? What was said during that initial conversation?
The sex scene was rushed as well. It would have been good to know the narrator's inner thoughts as he witnessed his wife taking another man's cock in her mouth for the first time. Did he feel nervous? Excited? Jealous? And what did it feel like to cum in the other woman's mouth? That part seemed so inconsequential it was like an afterthought. And why were the two men serviced, but the ladies were left wanting?
I encourage you to rewrite and resubmit this, but slow down, and pay attention to the details.
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