That was my fault.I was working on two at the same time. I caught several of them but missed one I guess. I wont make the mistake of doing that again. Thanks for the comments
by
Anonymous08/24/14
Good story development
I'm enjoying the way this is developing, but it's difficult to read. You've written it as dialogue but the words are not shortened as we speak (I'll, we'll etc.) so it is stilted. The almost complete lack of punctuation, particularly commas, combined with use of "your" instead of "you're", and clipped phrases, is at the origin of this. Hope you can find an editor who can help you out as there is good potential here.
I am sorry for the wait on Chapter 4 of this series and I have posted the 4th chapter today to Literotica. If you e-mailed me about this series I sent each of you an e-mail letting you know this. If it was anonymous obviously I cant do anything but post it here. Thanks, Dean
English
continuity
Please read and re-read your story, joyce became marie at one point ! Othrrwise great chapter. Pete
Confused
Where did Marie come from? Joyce was the girl at the start.
joyce
That was my fault.I was working on two at the same time. I caught several of them but missed one I guess. I wont make the mistake of doing that again. Thanks for the comments
Good story development
I'm enjoying the way this is developing, but it's difficult to read. You've written it as dialogue but the words are not shortened as we speak (I'll, we'll etc.) so it is stilted. The almost complete lack of punctuation, particularly commas, combined with use of "your" instead of "you're", and clipped phrases, is at the origin of this. Hope you can find an editor who can help you out as there is good potential here.
Chapter 4
I am sorry for the wait on Chapter 4 of this series and I have posted the 4th chapter today to Literotica. If you e-mailed me about this series I sent each of you an e-mail letting you know this. If it was anonymous obviously I cant do anything but post it here. Thanks, Dean
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