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Yahoo Group, seriously?
That right there basically kills the believability heh.
Re. Yahoo group
Uh...yeah! There are Yahoo groups for pretty much EVERYTHING. I have no trouble believing any part of this story, as I know these BBC parties take place, and I have no doubt there is a Yahoo group to allow people to connect. That other person who commented must be living in a cave!
As for the story itself, I feel like it was a bit too detached, and the events were recounted in a play-by-play manner that wasn't all that arousing. "She did this, and then I did that" is far less interesting than "she did this because of that, which caused me to feel this way." A little more emotion and character development goes a long way.
That said, I gave this four stars. Keep writing, but don't be in such a rush to tell your story. As with sex, the slow build up makes the climax more intense.
Pharaoh's Thoughts
Looked into Yahoo Groups before and seen some crazy stuff when it comes to sex. Like another comment said, don't rush to tell the story. Draw it out, make it fun for us readers & yourself as a writer.
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