As with any good book the ability to create both a story and believable characters is one key, finding a way to bring all the characters together in the story is another key. The last key is how those characters grow and further define themselves and in this chapter you brought it all together. Ray and Alicia now seem to be growing into their lives, becoming the people they can be, Ray with his job, Alicia taking responsibility for her own health and life, William finding a woman who removes his mask and shows his humanity. In some ways this is a simple story but with the handling of your characters, their individual issues and how you show their growth you have jumped from the simple story to a wonderful and complete adventure. I am easily able to see as I read and have to say that you could write another hundred chapters and I would still want to read more. Thank you for giving all of us this treasure. - Kevin
by
Anonymous08/23/14
Chapter 100
Kevin said it very well - you could write another hundred chapters and I would be looking forward to them.
My gut feeling says the story wraps up soon.
If you handle the end of the story as skillfully as you have handled the growth of Alicia's character, you will have many avid readers.
Care to write the next story about William and Tracy ?
by
Anonymous08/23/14
Whew!
When you didn't submit a chapter last week, I started to worry about you. But now, I'm so happy! Thanks for another great episode.
I was pleased to the the next chapter - I was pleased that the delay was only more work on the writing rather that some other life factor. I look forward to the next chapter; this is one of the best-written stories I have read here.
by
Anonymous08/24/14
Eh
Someone needs to cheat on the other. Also add anal sex to the plot
I caught up! Now I have to wait week-by-week like everyone else!
Thanks for writing.
by
Anonymous08/24/14
i was wrong
on ch11 ,
i commented that the steady drip, drip ,drip of one chapter each week would ensure you gained maximum exposure for your story, and that it would endear you to your readers.
i was wrong. this story has done more than that.
The last week i have felt somewhat like a Crack Addict attempting to go cold turkey. Each day since the 15th i have been checking your profile for ch12.
on the 20th i saw the update on your profile/bio in regards to this chapter , but still each day i would goto your profile and look for ch12.
the reason i am saying this is because NEVER before has ANY story here elicited such a response from me.
if this story does not get picked up by a publisher , i will print the whole thing out & fucking eat it.
xxxhugsxxx
TwistedOliver.
p.s
am hoping we have many more chapters to look forward to ,
a good book takes between 5 hours - 8 hours to read.
& this tale really would make for a most stunning book.
You don't need cheating or anal in this story. Just because this is an erotic lit website does not mean everything written has to be about hot sex and high drama. There are plenty of those to be found, and you need to follow the story that unfolds inside you. Granted this is not the hottest story on the site, but it's still very good. This is well paced, well written, and heart-warming. It's perfect as it is, though I hope for a few more chapters. Redemption and love is a classic offering.
by
Anonymous08/25/14
Amazing story
Beautifully written. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Great rhythm to this engaging series with gentle curves and ups and downs which match the path of love. It's never a smooth road and Donna has, so far, been gentle with us. Holding my breath until the next segment appears.
by
Anonymous07/10/15
the thing about perfectionists
I think there is a gap in the logic. she stops thinking that straight A's are so necessary for her happiness and explains why it is stupid.
But how should she suddenly come to this conclusion? If it is something she nearly kills herself about, I don't thinkt that she just realizes it one week later and can say something like "just a few points determine my mood". I think this is something she needs to work very, very hard to regain some selfcontrol over her mood. I think at first she would rather slowly realise the effects, but not judge it with such a healthy distance. first she has to heal. She can definitely recognise, that she is annoying and that she suffers from it, but it just because she suffers, does not mean she will realise that the suffering is unjustified. I think everyone of us, me too, has this perfectionist side and can relate to that.
this is only constructive critique to make it maybe an even better story!
by
Anonymous07/16/15
To Anon re: Perfectionist
Her response to his statement may have been the tipping point for Alicia. Many of us people are not ready/able to hear something from family and therapists (as in this story) or from anyone else. But then there hear the same information stated in a completely different way and all of a sudden the info, like a seed falls on fertile ground and blossoms into truth for us,
William had status as a person of ability and status in this story and all of a sudden he makes a point about how unpleasant 4.0's can be to work with and how he would much rather work with a talented 3.0 and that may have been the straw that broke the camels back for her.
You really should be publishing on Amazon! The sudden dissolution of William's
silver tongue was an amazing idea, especially since he was singing beautifully before meeting her.
by
Anonymous08/05/15
There are not enough words ...
... to describe your story writing skills. For many writers on these pages, sex is the dominant theme. And that's OK; after all, it is a site for erotic stories. But your stories are so skillfully written, you could take out the intimate details of the sexual encounters, and you would still have left a sensual story that delves into social issues, with the right amount of conflict and conflict resolution, to merit a PG 13 by MPAA.
First, I want to say it holds up well and I still very much enjoy the story. I agree with the previous person... it doesn't require sex to make a great story.
Something did peek my curiosity, though. When she went down on Ray, I started wondering if her bolemia would have over-sensitized her gag reflex. So I googled it and found it was the reverse. But what disturbed me even more than this story was where I got the info... There was a forum for bolemics. Not how to get well, but how to be better at it! What to expect, how to conceal, etc. It was terrifying!
Please disregard Eh, and all the other anonymous commenters who came here for titillation and stimulation. Stay true to the people you have created and the lives we have grown to love.
Whether the lead is a Subway, Flower, or Runner Girl, represent her and those around her as you want, not as a short term form of instant gratification for a few. Some of us like to read a good story about interesting people.
English
Another great chapter...
Another great chapter to add to a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing your story.
GAWD...I love your writing!
Another terrific tome...another taste of what could be...another sample of simple pleasures! Thanks!!!!
Wow, I had a tear in my eye at the end as well...
Better and Better
As with any good book the ability to create both a story and believable characters is one key, finding a way to bring all the characters together in the story is another key. The last key is how those characters grow and further define themselves and in this chapter you brought it all together. Ray and Alicia now seem to be growing into their lives, becoming the people they can be, Ray with his job, Alicia taking responsibility for her own health and life, William finding a woman who removes his mask and shows his humanity. In some ways this is a simple story but with the handling of your characters, their individual issues and how you show their growth you have jumped from the simple story to a wonderful and complete adventure. I am easily able to see as I read and have to say that you could write another hundred chapters and I would still want to read more. Thank you for giving all of us this treasure. - Kevin
Chapter 100
Kevin said it very well - you could write another hundred chapters and I would be looking forward to them.
My gut feeling says the story wraps up soon.
If you handle the end of the story as skillfully as you have handled the growth of Alicia's character, you will have many avid readers.
Care to write the next story about William and Tracy ?
Whew!
When you didn't submit a chapter last week, I started to worry about you. But now, I'm so happy! Thanks for another great episode.
I cried
Dear Sir,
I am crying
I donno why
But please .. let me assume that everything will be fine for everyone in this world
Thank you for such a beautiful narration
Neo
Superabundance of feels!
Tremendous storytelling, I'm waiting on pins and needles for the next chapter.
Another Great Chapter
I was pleased to the the next chapter - I was pleased that the delay was only more work on the writing rather that some other life factor. I look forward to the next chapter; this is one of the best-written stories I have read here.
Eh
Someone needs to cheat on the other. Also add anal sex to the plot
NOOOOOOO!
I caught up! Now I have to wait week-by-week like everyone else!
Thanks for writing.
i was wrong
on ch11 ,
i commented that the steady drip, drip ,drip of one chapter each week would ensure you gained maximum exposure for your story, and that it would endear you to your readers.
i was wrong. this story has done more than that.
The last week i have felt somewhat like a Crack Addict attempting to go cold turkey. Each day since the 15th i have been checking your profile for ch12.
on the 20th i saw the update on your profile/bio in regards to this chapter , but still each day i would goto your profile and look for ch12.
the reason i am saying this is because NEVER before has ANY story here elicited such a response from me.
if this story does not get picked up by a publisher , i will print the whole thing out & fucking eat it.
xxxhugsxxx
TwistedOliver.
p.s
am hoping we have many more chapters to look forward to ,
a good book takes between 5 hours - 8 hours to read.
& this tale really would make for a most stunning book.
A real love story
You don't need cheating or anal in this story. Just because this is an erotic lit website does not mean everything written has to be about hot sex and high drama. There are plenty of those to be found, and you need to follow the story that unfolds inside you. Granted this is not the hottest story on the site, but it's still very good. This is well paced, well written, and heart-warming. It's perfect as it is, though I hope for a few more chapters. Redemption and love is a classic offering.
Amazing story
Beautifully written. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Gentle
Great rhythm to this engaging series with gentle curves and ups and downs which match the path of love. It's never a smooth road and Donna has, so far, been gentle with us. Holding my breath until the next segment appears.
the thing about perfectionists
I think there is a gap in the logic. she stops thinking that straight A's are so necessary for her happiness and explains why it is stupid.
But how should she suddenly come to this conclusion? If it is something she nearly kills herself about, I don't thinkt that she just realizes it one week later and can say something like "just a few points determine my mood". I think this is something she needs to work very, very hard to regain some selfcontrol over her mood. I think at first she would rather slowly realise the effects, but not judge it with such a healthy distance. first she has to heal. She can definitely recognise, that she is annoying and that she suffers from it, but it just because she suffers, does not mean she will realise that the suffering is unjustified. I think everyone of us, me too, has this perfectionist side and can relate to that.
this is only constructive critique to make it maybe an even better story!
To Anon re: Perfectionist
Her response to his statement may have been the tipping point for Alicia. Many of us people are not ready/able to hear something from family and therapists (as in this story) or from anyone else. But then there hear the same information stated in a completely different way and all of a sudden the info, like a seed falls on fertile ground and blossoms into truth for us,
William had status as a person of ability and status in this story and all of a sudden he makes a point about how unpleasant 4.0's can be to work with and how he would much rather work with a talented 3.0 and that may have been the straw that broke the camels back for her.
Great read!d33
Great Work
You really should be publishing on Amazon! The sudden dissolution of William's
silver tongue was an amazing idea, especially since he was singing beautifully before meeting her.
There are not enough words ...
... to describe your story writing skills. For many writers on these pages, sex is the dominant theme. And that's OK; after all, it is a site for erotic stories. But your stories are so skillfully written, you could take out the intimate details of the sexual encounters, and you would still have left a sensual story that delves into social issues, with the right amount of conflict and conflict resolution, to merit a PG 13 by MPAA.
My third read through
First, I want to say it holds up well and I still very much enjoy the story. I agree with the previous person... it doesn't require sex to make a great story.
Something did peek my curiosity, though. When she went down on Ray, I started wondering if her bolemia would have over-sensitized her gag reflex. So I googled it and found it was the reverse. But what disturbed me even more than this story was where I got the info... There was a forum for bolemics. Not how to get well, but how to be better at it! What to expect, how to conceal, etc. It was terrifying!
Dear DonnaBeck
Please disregard Eh, and all the other anonymous commenters who came here for titillation and stimulation. Stay true to the people you have created and the lives we have grown to love.
Whether the lead is a Subway, Flower, or Runner Girl, represent her and those around her as you want, not as a short term form of instant gratification for a few. Some of us like to read a good story about interesting people.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Subway Girl Ch. 12 or
More submissions by DonnaBeck.