Unoriginal pretty much sums it up. Chracters have no depth. Story line suffers. And unloosen? Does that mean tighten? "Marie reached behind her to unloosen her bikini top" In that case, he's not going to get to see those tits!
by
Anonymous03/03/08
Gifted sailor shoud include the title of his -----
accomplishment
by
Anonymous04/26/09
Pretty good overall
The premise was hot enough and the fact Marie wasn't shy and so 'generous' with helping him by sucking him off was novel. You described her sucking pretty well, but how about the guy's orgasm? The orgasms are generally well neglected in terms of lacking detail by most stories on here, so don't forget to be specific. Many times a really hot story goes down one MAJOR notch when the guy just spurts of a woman's orgasm just 'happens' without details.
by
Anonymous07/16/09
More build-up
The build-up is there, which is good because I can't stand stories that just get right to the sex.
However, incest stories have always been hit or miss for me because overly willing siblings make it seem like there's no tension or conflict.
Incest is taboo so there should be a little bit more inhibition or second thoughts before the downright dirty.
English
Unoriginal
This story is the same as dozens of others.
Unloosen?
Unoriginal pretty much sums it up. Chracters have no depth. Story line suffers. And unloosen? Does that mean tighten? "Marie reached behind her to unloosen her bikini top" In that case, he's not going to get to see those tits!
Gifted sailor shoud include the title of his -----
accomplishment
Pretty good overall
The premise was hot enough and the fact Marie wasn't shy and so 'generous' with helping him by sucking him off was novel. You described her sucking pretty well, but how about the guy's orgasm? The orgasms are generally well neglected in terms of lacking detail by most stories on here, so don't forget to be specific. Many times a really hot story goes down one MAJOR notch when the guy just spurts of a woman's orgasm just 'happens' without details.
More build-up
The build-up is there, which is good because I can't stand stories that just get right to the sex.
However, incest stories have always been hit or miss for me because overly willing siblings make it seem like there's no tension or conflict.
Incest is taboo so there should be a little bit more inhibition or second thoughts before the downright dirty.
That's just my opinion though.
Precisely what
is a 'tounge'? One point.
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