Maybe the lawyer could end up being a loving wife, like she loves and respects him.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
Sucked
I'm as much of a BTB fan as the next cuckold hater. But this story did absolutely nothing for me. Not a single plausible character or scenario. Kudos for the effort but it just didn't do anything for me.
I'm a true lover of BTB stories but this one just felt too neatly wrapped up. There was hardly any actual dialogue from the wife, the whole story read like a to do list. No true conflict, no mystery or intrigue even the revenge on the bastards was barely lukewarm. This is about a 2, but because it's your first one I'll make it a 3.
Read more like a narrative. A bit of injected emotion would improve this IMO.
Not bad, a bit OTT, but I did enjoy a chuckle or two.
Thx and look forward to future tales.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
Fucking stupid.
Glad it was short so I don't feel bad about wasting the time it took to read it.
Great tale of revenge. Fucking cunt got what she deserved. Nothing and no one. You want to play you have to pay. In this bitch's case it cost her EVERYTHING.
Five Stars
by
Anonymous08/28/14
Not bad
This was well-written, but a bit too clinical. This type of story is always made better by letting the reader know more about the spouse's motivation and/or their relationship. Its easier to understand why the protagonist is so vindictive and provides justification or a rationale for the scorched earth tactics. Such background adds a little color and tension to the story. Good first effort. Thanks.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
Go on, you lot, Give 'im a break.
It was a first effort in this very difficult genre. The title let you know what was coming, and the one-pagedness let you know it was going to be a flash.
Deep Emotional Dialogue and plot Twists and Turns do not come with 'flash'.
The plot was the typical b**ch - bank - creditcard - house - car thing, this time all pre-planned, since he already knew. That was 'different'.
Looking forward to further writings, now you have your feet wet, and no doubt they'll have emotion, dialogue and twists..
On the technical side, well written, well proofed and no blatant 'holes' in the plot.
Cheers, and Thanks,
Kilroy
by
Anonymous08/28/14
100 times better than
The cuckhold crap that usually shows up on this site.
...but maybe you could have used a bit more dialogues to pep it up. It is good to read a story once a while that does not worship the cuckold-scene here on "cuckerotica". Please keep it up.Good read - 4 *
...why should her having an affair have influence on her job? I don´t really agree that having an affair might cause a security clearance to be revoked; I miss the job relation here. She didn´t talk in bed about her job, did she?
by
Anonymous08/28/14
High school babble
Totally unbelievable juvenile bullshit. Are you sure you're over 18 or is that your IQ.
How old are you? Apart from some obvious spelling & grammar errors, it read like a workshop manual for repairing cars except it wasn't as interesting. Ok, it's your first time here, but you must know that you're going to be critiqued whether it's positive or negative & that's just something you have to live with. Here's my personal advise, give up writing , my 12 year old grandson could do better, just not this kind of story though. Didn't enjoy it at all. 1 *
It certainly is easy to complain about someones work.
Pluck 'em.
Write what you want, write for the fun of it. Write the style that fits you. For the people who complain, well they do not have to read your works. And they sure as heck do not have to be arrogant about it.
I am glad that I took the time to read your tale.
There are some faults to be sure but a true LW story on this site is as rare as hens teeth. I don't get the fags who post their cuckolded, wife shareing, cum slurping FETISH time waisters and get upset when they bomb. Thanks for the story and hope you will post more in the future.
It never fails to amaze me that there are so many miserable people in this world.They are never happy.Always commenting negatively on someone else's work.Screw them.You write what you want.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
as believeable
as when all these sickos write their garbage, i found it refreshing.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
Hmm...., let's see here.....
1)BIG Steaks
2)marinade
3)potatoes
4)corn on the cob
5)charcoal
6)lighter fluid
7)napkins
8)chips
9)macaroni salad
10)cupcakes? or ice cream?
11) Beer LOTS of Beer
12)Water and Soda for the kids
Yep, all the perfect ingredients for MY perfect bar-b-que!!!!
Shopping list is complete.
Now, what are we celebrating?
The attempt of a new author to try and offer an alternative to the wimpy cuck BS that seems to thrive, despite just how many people HATE THAT SHIT!
Here's the problem......
If I don't have anyone to celebrate with, It won't make much of a story--err I mean, it won't be quite worth the effort for all the food. If the author checks all these items off his list, but forgets to include, the PLOT (rising action, background, character development, conflict, resolution, clever dialogue, thought provoking epilogue...OR just about any literary component at ALL), then people can't enjoy the story. If I don't invite people over to my Bar-B-que, then how are they going to know how good my grilling skills are? They can imagine how good the steak tastes, but detailed descriptions would show them I didn't just char the meat. Better yet, if they experience it for themselves, and then they can tell ME just how good it was.
Author, you have a theme, and an outline. That was it! There was too much work left to do, and the readers here,(no matter how badly they want to root for your success), can't support work that just isn't complete.
You went shopping for the right ingredients, but you never lit the grill.
Even though I was happy to get your invitation, I left your party hungry.
That bitch got fucked up!!! That cheating cunt got what she deserved!! And her lover even got his dick cut off! I never saw that coming! What a refreshing new twist on the cheating wife story line!
And the husband also happened to know someone in the mob?? What are the odds of that? What a unique and unexpected plot!!
Please, give us a Chapter Two where he divorces his new wife, but add more detail about the divorce laws in his state. Nothing gets me harder than detailed legal discussion!!
Fuck yeah! I am so fucking hard right now! And I came three times just reading this!! Fucking cheating cunts getting what they deserve!! This is why I come to Literotica!! And no gay, cum-slurping cucky clucky cucks in this story!! Only real men doing what real men do best! THIS is what the Loving Wives category is all about!!!!!!!!!
Fuck yeah!!!!!
(Just kidding. One star. Wrong category.)
by
Anonymous08/28/14
feeble
another feeble minded revenge wank by some pathetic cuck, looser 1.
enjoyed this story, I found the story to be almost worthless. First, the grammar is awful (is the building in which he sees his lawyer named Dana Willowsby? pastor's is possessive not plural as author intended; council is lawyer not councilor). There are too many other such errors for this commentator to mention. The actual story is really nothing more than a list of financial actions that might have been culled from almost any previously published LW story, most of which are illegal or impossible. And, finally, the author offers no, none at all, nada, in the way of motivation, insight or emotion.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
FLC
I thought you didn't comment anonymously?
SwingerJoe, yeah this was a way over the top feeble attempt, but why dont you practice what you preach and NOT comment. You tell us not to comment negatively on the wimp ass bull cuckold stories you love. So wipe your wifes bulls cream off your chin and leave these stories alone.
Oh wait the bull told you too. My bad.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
Okay story but it needed a lot of work.
No attorney would tell him to break the law. And companies books get audited all the time in divorces. HE was epically stupid when he got her fired because she would have gotten alimony. The valuation of the house would never have flown as her attorney would have had his own appraisal done. And a Judge would have raped his ass for giving all the furniture away. I could go on with the mistakes but you get the idea. This mess needed a really good editor and a lot more work to make it a decent story. Silly even for fiction.
Poorly written, sloppy garbage about a man who deserves to be in jail and his attorney who should end up disbarred. But of course it will do well here because the ignorant, angry little anons will vote over and over again because they like jerking off to the misery of women.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
oh wow!
I'm jerking off to the misery of Front Line Caster. Here you go FLC; here's another good big glop of BTB semen for you to stew over and drink. Oh boy! Oh goodie!
I gave this story a Five!
by
Anonymous08/28/14
Lol
Aww SwingerJoe got his feelings hurt...anony asswipe? Sure you can have my used toilet paper. Didn't know you were into scat, just thought it was cum. Butt if you want my asswipes to stick in your mouth as the bull prepares your creampie fine by me.
Now do as your bull says and go into the corner little man with your dildo pacifier.
Between you and that other wimp frontlinecaster its been a joke a minute.
Yes, moral turpitude (adultery) could be reason for a security clearance to be revoked.
After all, having a security clearance means that you are considered honest and ethical enough to be trusted.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
btb what a fantasy
is this fantasy some dream of revenge, never could it be pulled off in the real world. plus cutting off the guys dick, why didn't you cut off your wife's clit to. this si over the top, sure she deserves some revenge , not this.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
re: swingerjoe and frontlinecaster
Surprise, surprise the two cuckies read a BTB story and bitch about it. Exactly the same thing that they moan about when somebody bitches about the cuck stories they seem to relish so much.
Fucking hypocrites those two are. As far as the story, somewhat far fetching. Life doesn't quite work out like that, but for the readers that enjoy this type of story. Have at it. And yes, this does belong in loving wives just as much as all the other trash that's been posted in this category. (ML)
Hey look! The same anon is commenting over and over again to make it look like there is some kind of consensus on this site, what a shock! I bet he's spamming the votes as well, because as much as she claims that there is any moderation at all Laurel has no interest in ensuring that LW stories are rated properly or categorized correctly or that abusive, foul mouthed little trolls are kept from verbally harassing and threatening the very members this site is supposed to serve.
This story is so poorly written it shouldn't have been posted. In just a cursory reading I spotted repeated words, incorrect words, grammatical errors, it's a one page story that no one clearly bothered to read.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
try to write out something erotic, this site is on this
But if make a fine first piece. You really need to improve your characterization of your central figures. One other small problem is in the editing where you have a tendency to repeat yourself...
This is how a revenge must be!!! Burn all the cheaters, left nothing up...just destruction...
by
Anonymous08/28/14
Hey Look
The same FLC is still spewing his rhetoric that no one except cucks and wimps cares about. I just love it when this poor excuse for a man gets his panties in a bunch and stops stomping his feet crying at Laurel.
The poor girly girl needs his dose of bulls cum, coz that's the only way he will ever have any testosterone in his body.
How many men did your wife fuck today FLC? Remember, you don't count. WIMP!
The problem with this one isn't the writing,it is that the story is bits and pieces of other stories mixed together,the mutilation of the black lover,the hot attorney, and in the end it comes out as bland,lacking emotion or depth.It comes off more as a robot goung through the motions programmed in than a husband hurt and devastated by being betrayed,both parties seem like that to me.
by
Anonymous08/28/14
'I knew people, who new people who knew people' How did that get through? Seriously - is an intelligent lawyer going go off with a numbskull like this? She is on the rebound from her own failed marriage and, importantly, she knows about his hidden money. Hey.
English
thank you for something different
Maybe the lawyer could end up being a loving wife, like she loves and respects him.
Sucked
I'm as much of a BTB fan as the next cuckold hater. But this story did absolutely nothing for me. Not a single plausible character or scenario. Kudos for the effort but it just didn't do anything for me.
Garbage
The fantasy of a loser. 1*
Meh
Pretty standard by-the-numbers BTB fantasy. Nothing special or unique, just the same old, same old.
Meh
I'm a true lover of BTB stories but this one just felt too neatly wrapped up. There was hardly any actual dialogue from the wife, the whole story read like a to do list. No true conflict, no mystery or intrigue even the revenge on the bastards was barely lukewarm. This is about a 2, but because it's your first one I'll make it a 3.
Not bad
Read more like a narrative. A bit of injected emotion would improve this IMO.
Not bad, a bit OTT, but I did enjoy a chuckle or two.
Thx and look forward to future tales.
Fucking stupid.
Glad it was short so I don't feel bad about wasting the time it took to read it.
Excellent
Great tale of revenge. Fucking cunt got what she deserved. Nothing and no one. You want to play you have to pay. In this bitch's case it cost her EVERYTHING.
Five Stars
Not bad
This was well-written, but a bit too clinical. This type of story is always made better by letting the reader know more about the spouse's motivation and/or their relationship. Its easier to understand why the protagonist is so vindictive and provides justification or a rationale for the scorched earth tactics. Such background adds a little color and tension to the story. Good first effort. Thanks.
Go on, you lot, Give 'im a break.
It was a first effort in this very difficult genre. The title let you know what was coming, and the one-pagedness let you know it was going to be a flash.
Deep Emotional Dialogue and plot Twists and Turns do not come with 'flash'.
The plot was the typical b**ch - bank - creditcard - house - car thing, this time all pre-planned, since he already knew. That was 'different'.
Looking forward to further writings, now you have your feet wet, and no doubt they'll have emotion, dialogue and twists..
On the technical side, well written, well proofed and no blatant 'holes' in the plot.
Cheers, and Thanks,
Kilroy
100 times better than
The cuckhold crap that usually shows up on this site.
Nice story...
...but maybe you could have used a bit more dialogues to pep it up. It is good to read a story once a while that does not worship the cuckold-scene here on "cuckerotica". Please keep it up.Good read - 4 *
PS - Oh yeah - I forgot to ask...
...why did you expect this to happen someday? I feel this remark should have been explained..
lool - -and PPS....
...why should her having an affair have influence on her job? I don´t really agree that having an affair might cause a security clearance to be revoked; I miss the job relation here. She didn´t talk in bed about her job, did she?
High school babble
Totally unbelievable juvenile bullshit. Are you sure you're over 18 or is that your IQ.
Yuck
How old are you? Apart from some obvious spelling & grammar errors, it read like a workshop manual for repairing cars except it wasn't as interesting. Ok, it's your first time here, but you must know that you're going to be critiqued whether it's positive or negative & that's just something you have to live with. Here's my personal advise, give up writing , my 12 year old grandson could do better, just not this kind of story though. Didn't enjoy it at all. 1 *
WHO SAYS BTB
only has to affect the B/ TK U MLJ LV NV
You know....
It certainly is easy to complain about someones work.
Pluck 'em.
Write what you want, write for the fun of it. Write the style that fits you. For the people who complain, well they do not have to read your works. And they sure as heck do not have to be arrogant about it.
I am glad that I took the time to read your tale.
Pointless story
Where everything just goes one way. No drama, no personality interaction.
You might as well have written about shooting turkeys in a cage.
Simplistic
Very simplistic and short.
Well written. I enjoyed it.
Gave it a 5 to offset the 2
I give it a 5 for the BTB angle...
There are some faults to be sure but a true LW story on this site is as rare as hens teeth. I don't get the fags who post their cuckolded, wife shareing, cum slurping FETISH time waisters and get upset when they bomb. Thanks for the story and hope you will post more in the future.
Are People Ever......
It never fails to amaze me that there are so many miserable people in this world.They are never happy.Always commenting negatively on someone else's work.Screw them.You write what you want.
as believeable
as when all these sickos write their garbage, i found it refreshing.
Hmm...., let's see here.....
1)BIG Steaks
2)marinade
3)potatoes
4)corn on the cob
5)charcoal
6)lighter fluid
7)napkins
8)chips
9)macaroni salad
10)cupcakes? or ice cream?
11) Beer LOTS of Beer
12)Water and Soda for the kids
Yep, all the perfect ingredients for MY perfect bar-b-que!!!!
Shopping list is complete.
Now, what are we celebrating?
The attempt of a new author to try and offer an alternative to the wimpy cuck BS that seems to thrive, despite just how many people HATE THAT SHIT!
Here's the problem......
If I don't have anyone to celebrate with, It won't make much of a story--err I mean, it won't be quite worth the effort for all the food. If the author checks all these items off his list, but forgets to include, the PLOT (rising action, background, character development, conflict, resolution, clever dialogue, thought provoking epilogue...OR just about any literary component at ALL), then people can't enjoy the story. If I don't invite people over to my Bar-B-que, then how are they going to know how good my grilling skills are? They can imagine how good the steak tastes, but detailed descriptions would show them I didn't just char the meat. Better yet, if they experience it for themselves, and then they can tell ME just how good it was.
Author, you have a theme, and an outline. That was it! There was too much work left to do, and the readers here,(no matter how badly they want to root for your success), can't support work that just isn't complete.
You went shopping for the right ingredients, but you never lit the grill.
Even though I was happy to get your invitation, I left your party hungry.
Quick
Decisive and Thorough explains the Bitterness. He felt poor little Anne was left with nothing and 5 of her Lady Friends got the Same.
I agree with previous comment. It is an outline
A very good outline, but just an outline. Needs more development.
Anne's Story
Good story. Anne has to have her chance to tell her side of the shit storm that took her down.
Enjoyable - story could be expanded and we need to hear more about the slut's sufferings.
"5" for an interesting start.
FUCK YEAH!!!
That bitch got fucked up!!! That cheating cunt got what she deserved!! And her lover even got his dick cut off! I never saw that coming! What a refreshing new twist on the cheating wife story line!
And the husband also happened to know someone in the mob?? What are the odds of that? What a unique and unexpected plot!!
Please, give us a Chapter Two where he divorces his new wife, but add more detail about the divorce laws in his state. Nothing gets me harder than detailed legal discussion!!
Fuck yeah! I am so fucking hard right now! And I came three times just reading this!! Fucking cheating cunts getting what they deserve!! This is why I come to Literotica!! And no gay, cum-slurping cucky clucky cucks in this story!! Only real men doing what real men do best! THIS is what the Loving Wives category is all about!!!!!!!!!
Fuck yeah!!!!!
(Just kidding. One star. Wrong category.)
feeble
another feeble minded revenge wank by some pathetic cuck, looser 1.
Although it seems that many readers have
enjoyed this story, I found the story to be almost worthless. First, the grammar is awful (is the building in which he sees his lawyer named Dana Willowsby? pastor's is possessive not plural as author intended; council is lawyer not councilor). There are too many other such errors for this commentator to mention. The actual story is really nothing more than a list of financial actions that might have been culled from almost any previously published LW story, most of which are illegal or impossible. And, finally, the author offers no, none at all, nada, in the way of motivation, insight or emotion.
FLC
I thought you didn't comment anonymously?
SwingerJoe, yeah this was a way over the top feeble attempt, but why dont you practice what you preach and NOT comment. You tell us not to comment negatively on the wimp ass bull cuckold stories you love. So wipe your wifes bulls cream off your chin and leave these stories alone.
Oh wait the bull told you too. My bad.
Okay story but it needed a lot of work.
No attorney would tell him to break the law. And companies books get audited all the time in divorces. HE was epically stupid when he got her fired because she would have gotten alimony. The valuation of the house would never have flown as her attorney would have had his own appraisal done. And a Judge would have raped his ass for giving all the furniture away. I could go on with the mistakes but you get the idea. This mess needed a really good editor and a lot more work to make it a decent story. Silly even for fiction.
A very good
fantasy - 4 stars. Author needed an editor.
Dear Annony asswipe
I'll stop commenting when you do. Deal?
Poorly written, sloppy garbage about a man who deserves to be in jail and his attorney who should end up disbarred. But of course it will do well here because the ignorant, angry little anons will vote over and over again because they like jerking off to the misery of women.
oh wow!
I'm jerking off to the misery of Front Line Caster. Here you go FLC; here's another good big glop of BTB semen for you to stew over and drink. Oh boy! Oh goodie!
I gave this story a Five!
Lol
Aww SwingerJoe got his feelings hurt...anony asswipe? Sure you can have my used toilet paper. Didn't know you were into scat, just thought it was cum. Butt if you want my asswipes to stick in your mouth as the bull prepares your creampie fine by me.
Now do as your bull says and go into the corner little man with your dildo pacifier.
Between you and that other wimp frontlinecaster its been a joke a minute.
Good One
Even if it's not terribly realistic, it's a story seldom seen in LW these days -- an old fashioned BTB story. Well done! *****
security clearance ?
Yes, moral turpitude (adultery) could be reason for a security clearance to be revoked.
After all, having a security clearance means that you are considered honest and ethical enough to be trusted.
btb what a fantasy
is this fantasy some dream of revenge, never could it be pulled off in the real world. plus cutting off the guys dick, why didn't you cut off your wife's clit to. this si over the top, sure she deserves some revenge , not this.
re: swingerjoe and frontlinecaster
Surprise, surprise the two cuckies read a BTB story and bitch about it. Exactly the same thing that they moan about when somebody bitches about the cuck stories they seem to relish so much.
Fucking hypocrites those two are. As far as the story, somewhat far fetching. Life doesn't quite work out like that, but for the readers that enjoy this type of story. Have at it. And yes, this does belong in loving wives just as much as all the other trash that's been posted in this category. (ML)
Hey look! The same anon is commenting over and over again to make it look like there is some kind of consensus on this site, what a shock! I bet he's spamming the votes as well, because as much as she claims that there is any moderation at all Laurel has no interest in ensuring that LW stories are rated properly or categorized correctly or that abusive, foul mouthed little trolls are kept from verbally harassing and threatening the very members this site is supposed to serve.
This story is so poorly written it shouldn't have been posted. In just a cursory reading I spotted repeated words, incorrect words, grammatical errors, it's a one page story that no one clearly bothered to read.
try to write out something erotic, this site is on this
A bit of fantasy
But if make a fine first piece. You really need to improve your characterization of your central figures. One other small problem is in the editing where you have a tendency to repeat yourself...
How a revenge....
This is how a revenge must be!!! Burn all the cheaters, left nothing up...just destruction...
Hey Look
The same FLC is still spewing his rhetoric that no one except cucks and wimps cares about. I just love it when this poor excuse for a man gets his panties in a bunch and stops stomping his feet crying at Laurel.
The poor girly girl needs his dose of bulls cum, coz that's the only way he will ever have any testosterone in his body.
How many men did your wife fuck today FLC? Remember, you don't count. WIMP!
PHEW !!...
...That's All Folks !...
I like well written btb stories
The problem with this one isn't the writing,it is that the story is bits and pieces of other stories mixed together,the mutilation of the black lover,the hot attorney, and in the end it comes out as bland,lacking emotion or depth.It comes off more as a robot goung through the motions programmed in than a husband hurt and devastated by being betrayed,both parties seem like that to me.
'I knew people, who new people who knew people' How did that get through? Seriously - is an intelligent lawyer going go off with a numbskull like this? She is on the rebound from her own failed marriage and, importantly, she knows about his hidden money. Hey.
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