It was a good story. Obviously a power fantasy on your part, but the action was well written and hot, and the story didn't overstay it's welcome.
My main problem is you glossed over the whole back story in record time. Take some time to fill in your world, give your characters some depth and make your world seem more real. Then, if you want, go ahead and juxtapose that with the unlikely situation (two abused women, enjoying their abuse) that will make the entire story have more punch.
All in all, I'd say work on your worldbuilding and you could be a great writer!
by
Anonymous08/22/14
Not enough story there.
Good premise, decent scenes. Little to no story, and that's what keeps people reading your stories.
English
A++
I enjoyed this story very much. Sequel ?
Mmmmmmm......
Hot slutty sisters
More!
This was great! Keep going!
Constructive criticism
It was a good story. Obviously a power fantasy on your part, but the action was well written and hot, and the story didn't overstay it's welcome.
My main problem is you glossed over the whole back story in record time. Take some time to fill in your world, give your characters some depth and make your world seem more real. Then, if you want, go ahead and juxtapose that with the unlikely situation (two abused women, enjoying their abuse) that will make the entire story have more punch.
All in all, I'd say work on your worldbuilding and you could be a great writer!
Not enough story there.
Good premise, decent scenes. Little to no story, and that's what keeps people reading your stories.
There not their
Why can't people get that right?
cute
cute little begining.maybe slow down the sex till the rest of us catches up
GROOVY
This story was GROOVY! Could have been longer!
There will be more ?
Won't there ?
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