by edharian
While I love the sexual banter between the siblings it stretches reality to consider the distances covered on these legs of the journey.
You need to post more of these just so I can see what else rightbank can find to complain about
they broke camp in Yellowstone, drove for the day, stopping "at a hotel just short of crossing the Nebraska/Iowa border."
If they had camped near the East Entrance for the shortest possible exit from the park, and stopped in Nebraska City, NE, a town just short of Iowa and on a major highway.
That would be 1,000 miles in a single day. At 60 mph (which is impossible to average), straight through it would take 16+ hours. To which you have to add the time to pause for fuel, food, and potty breaks. Don't forget they arrived in time for dinner. Followed by dancing and drinks for the parents. That is one heck of a drive.
And next, they are supposed to travel to Orlando, FL, a mere 1,400 miles, in a single day .
I am loving the interactions of the siblings. Mom, with a few drinks, becomes aggressively amourous. The dialogue in the car is amusing. And seeing the developing relationship(s) is erotically entertaining. But, 3 days drive time from the Northern most reaches of Montana to Orlando? Dad might not live through the round trip.
As for the comments about being realistic, ignore. People it's a fantasy story. Get over the miles driven in a day and enjoy it. I am hoping to read more of your stories and I am honestly hoping that they become a couple. I would much rather them be together than with false relationship where they have to enjoy each other's love behind their backs. They deserve to be together. Just a thought. Keep them coming :)
Edharian, it seems that you are a victim of your own success.
You started out with this idea for a story about a brother and sister falling in lust and in love with each other, on a long road trip vacation. You started writing with no real plan or outline for the whole story arc. The first several installments were well received, so you kept adding more and more chapters to it. You kept the action hot and heavy, and before you realized it, you had Greg and Dani's relationship to the point it should have reached during their stay at their vacation destination, if not on their way back home, and yet they weren't even halfway to their destination. So, now, you're rushing it. The family is traveling at impossible speeds, covering impossible distances and skipping overnight stays, and staying in the same room as the parents, in a desperate attempt to get the travel part of the story to catch up with the relationship part of the story.
If you haven't done it already, you should take a moment to pause and develop an outline for the rest of the story's progression. That way, you will know what comes next and can plan ahead, rather than writing on the fly and trying to make adjustments later.
I can imagine you're feeling a bit burnt out with this story and are struggling to keep things fresh, while staring at the bulk of the trip still in front of you. Do the outline. It will make the writing easier and you will feel less of a need to rush things.
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Other than a few typos/grammatical errors, I saw two errors in continuity in this chapter.
One: They were having sex in the spoon position and you had Greg's balls banging into Dani's ass. Unless Greg's balls are on top, they would have been swinging between Dani's legs, not banging into her ass.
Two: When they go out for breakfast, they stop and kiss, and you have Greg "enjoying the feeling of kissing my sister openly for the first time," but, in the previous chapter, they shared a kiss in front of the older couple in the hot tub, so the breakfast kiss, was not their first while out in public.
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I love this story so far, but please take some time to plan the rest of it, all the way up to the ending, before you continue on. Don't worry about some artificial timeline you think is imposing a need to post new chapters swiftly and regularly. Take your time and do it right. Your fans will still be here and will ultimately thank you for it.
Fantastic series you have written. I really want them to have their happily ever after. I look forward to reading what comes next in their life long love affair
There's a lot more story to go I hope, I'm hoping to hear about the time in Florida and the rest of the journey into marriage and such.
urgh this was SO hot! i came so many times! you should add a sequel of him getting her pregnant
Just read this series through, and aside from the impossible driving distances (why didn't anyone besides dad drive, by the way?), even two people around 20, would be worn out after 4 days of continual fucking or getting off one way or another. Still it was good to see Greg and Dani go from lust to love. I guess Dani somehow thought it would be devilish to provoke her brother's libido at the beginning, but it certainly backfired in a nice way. I enjoyed it.
I gave the last two chapters 5*, would have given 5* to all chapters except 1 to 6 were only one page. Writing this good needs at least 2 pages per chapter.
BUT, KEEP UP THE WRITING, PLEASE!!!
Hands down the hottest Story series I have ever read. Absolutely awesome. Please write more!! Would like to hear about their continuation from lust to love, and how they work out their future relationship. Just please, don't make it end with a pregnancy.
Would love to read what happens next and if the parents ever found out that they were fucking
This absolutely got me off in the beginning and had me wet all the way to the end ...but for f..k.sakes please keep it going ...they talked about marriage and what if they get caught!...
This is so hot it got me of in the first I like to know the trip end up if the marriage come true
This was a great story like everyone else has said and I hope another chapter is in the works
I hope the story continues ... Both get married ... Fucking each other for life ... Need to read more
Hope they are able to stay together forever and hope you write more to this but don't add too many people in it as their parents have to be dealt with first.
This sorry was really great, this is one of the best out there. I hope you continue the series I would love to read more of it. I loved how you focused on the two main character rather than just throw a bunch of random people in for some big orgy.
I loved this story, it's one of the best out there, I will eagerly be awaiting your next installment, I also loved how you also focused on the main characters and did not throw a bunch of random people in it for just some orgy.
This story is so hot! And every chapter is hotter than the preceding. It's a little too fast in the beginning, but this little flaw disappears quickly.
It's sad that the author stopped this story, I'm sure that he would have a lot to say more about these two characters.
Some "scenes" are a bit too hardcore for me but the writing is so good that I continued reading the entire series. You have a talent for creating natural dialogue, and capturing the gestures that accompany it. Also, I truly enjoyed a couple of the scenes, especially when they professed their love.
and I loved the romance in it. Honestly I could seriously enjoy a story like this with out the 'spark' of incest for it to be exciting. Would totally work for me. :-)
I would really love to read the conclusion to this fabulous story. The rest of the trip and what happens when they get home? Do they become a couple? What is the parents reaction? babies maybe.
This kind of talented writing style, romance and hot sex is the perfect example of why I have been linked to this website for nearly as long as it's been around! The budding romance that emerged from the ashes of such animosity between the two siblings is what sets this story apart from the rest of the cookie cutter wank stories by far! Add to that the level of realism at nearly every turn makes this irresistible to stop reading! I binged read all the chapters and truly hope more will be added around your busy "real life" schedule! If this has not been added to the "hall of fame" section that is maintained here it should be !
Truly well done !!
Be happy to volunteer as a proof reader as well!
Best,
Ray
Footlovin69 @ yahoo.com
This series has been just amazing. I really enjoyed it! Please keep writing stuff like this! :)
Like mid bang he just outright says to her that he wants her to be his wife and to have his child as they both pass out together. But I shall let you write the story that stalks your mind for our enjoyment.
What happened the rest of their lives???
This whole series was unexpectedly delightful and I refuse to accept that it's over just because it's been four years since the last chapter was posted. I believe in you!
Does the sister ever get pregnant with her brothers baby? Please write another series.
Please finish the series. It would be great if you could find a way to have them together and not forced to marry other people because that would just lessen the lo be they have for each other. Please write more.
Loved the whole series but this badly needs a better ending even if it means 8 more mini-chapters. Get them home and let us know where this goes. Three stars for leaving us hanging.
Wow this is a great story, one I'm going to read again! Maybe you could come up with a following of how things went after getting home and maybe how they are doing things together as a couple in everyday life!
Please do more? This is so hot. I want to see what the summer holds for Dani and Greg.
Great story
I'm wondering, what ever happened to the stuff they got at the porn shop?
That would have been another story!
Thanks for writing.
So how does it can't leave it like this it needs an ending well a better ending
(1/8/2022) This was an amazing series; too bad, it was never finished. This last chapter was submitted on 8/28/2014. I hope the author is still getting the comments sent to him. I gave each chapter 5 stars. I'm going to follow this author in case he ever discides to finish this Gem. There's always hope, right?
Enjoyed every chapter as my dick stayed hard throughout each one.. Makes me wished I had fucked my pretty sister when we were teens.
Great story but I wonder when you will finish it . The first half is good we are waiting for the second half.
That was a pretty hot series. I’m a little disappointed that it was never completed, but I’ll get over it.
Dang! Someone has a wild imagination if they think they can drive from Nebraska to Florida in 13 hours time! Lol!