Constructive criticism here...as I said in my title, it's a great story but you need to pay attention to a few details, such as spelling. I know it's difficult to catch all spelling errors, but a thorough read through would cause you to find errors such as "I hissed her." Hissing and kissing evoke different emotions! Lol!
The other bit of constructive criticism I would offer is to watch out for repetitive phrases. You way over used the phrase, "I then," to the point that it became very distracting. I would suggest you find a fellow writer and send them your submission to critique before you post. The result will be a much more enjoyable story for the reader.
English
Hot!
Not too shabby! Although surprised it wasn't under the Romance category. Great job though!
Nice tale!
I very much enjoyed this story. You should post it in Romance.
Needs some editing, but otherwise a great story.
Constructive criticism here...as I said in my title, it's a great story but you need to pay attention to a few details, such as spelling. I know it's difficult to catch all spelling errors, but a thorough read through would cause you to find errors such as "I hissed her." Hissing and kissing evoke different emotions! Lol!
The other bit of constructive criticism I would offer is to watch out for repetitive phrases. You way over used the phrase, "I then," to the point that it became very distracting. I would suggest you find a fellow writer and send them your submission to critique before you post. The result will be a much more enjoyable story for the reader.
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