It's not the ultimate relationship that bothers me but the secretive way it was planned and sprung on Brad. In order to make it work you had him happy to go along with it knowing full well that the other three had already agreed to put things into motion. I do not think that shows a great deal of respect to Brad by any of them, especially Melissa. There is no way the poly-relationship could work with the secretive groundwork it was based on. Interesting concept but highly unlikely.
Problems and conflicts along with resolutions or lack thereof define a story. All the adult characters stayed in their trait lanes preassigned from start and the kids remained clueless from start to finish. This was far from a horrible read but never really achieved liftoff in terms,of fully engaging the reader. Unrated.
Wish they told the kids, and the adults communicated more. I would seriously like to hear the conversation of why they couldn't date. Could of made the story more fun.
It felt like more of an imaginative tale than a real life story. A sort of what-if story with very specific cherry picked set of problems. That is fine by me, because real life is mundane and this story read like an entertaining sit-com. For the most part no one was disrespected and everyone ended up happy. The poly-amory ending isn't my favorite but it was probably the best way to end this tale in two pages.
This read was very enjoyable and original. It kept my interest and it was a good length. Bravo for a fun story. It was also erotic, not an easy task to pull of on a relationship based piece Five Stars!
I liked the story, but it has a lot of unsolved important problems...As an example, the writter telling: "I really would like it if no one but me ever fucked Gina ever again..."
You had my attention from beginning to end. You've crafted an intriguing and unique scenario where everyone emerges as the winner. What this story lacks is conflict, which made it feel a bit unrealistic. It would have been nice to see some conflict at some point, which would have placed the entire arrangement in jeopardy, followed by some sort of resolution. You can still have a happy ending, but this just seemed too easy.
It's not cheating as everyone is on board and in agreement with the activities. Is there a divorce down the road? Most likely. I doubt that Art and Melissa are getting it on, whereas Gina and Brad are having a full fledged love affair. After awhile, the bonds between Brad and Gina will be stronger than that of Brad and Melissa. The two couples now live in two sections of one house. Here is how I see this progressing...right now Brad and Melissa live in one section and the other section is occupied by Gina and Art. Soon, Gina and Brad will want to spend even more time together. Gina will talk Art and Melissa into finishing the swap. Brad and Gina will now be living in one section of the house and the other section will be Art and Melissa's. This will continue until Gina decides that she and Brad need more private time together and suggest that she and Brad get their own place. By the time the light bulb goes off over Melissa's and Art's heads, the happy couple will have set up house on the other side of town. Who is the puppet master in this emotional pudding pop? Why Gina, of course. She is leading them around like puppies on a leash. She is the relationship professional. She used her training to divide and conquer. Why else obtain the waiver?
I'm not sure that the kids are as clueless as they think, but it was still entertaining. I would have liked to hear the adults "explain" to the kids that they were all moving in together. THAT would have been a lively discussion. And I'm thinking that two divorces and two weddings might be in their future.
Well, for the story internals- I'm pretty sure that as stated the original couples are not communicating better than before this experiment. Perhaps Art and Gina...not the protagonist and his spouse.
I suppose you could save it with some 4 way stuff - all four go to the theater, all four go to the gym... but as it stands, they are solidifying the disconnect. Selling the duplex will be tough, but possible after removing the door.
And... probably two divorces, but only one marriage.
If I were in the business, I think I could use this little story to test guys in marital difficulties - if they saw it as a solution, then the marriage has serious problems.
So, externally as a story? Not sure - not a lot of emotional development here, at least shown. The call of a previous commentator that "I'd like Gina to be fucking only me" was a big red sign of inappropriate emotion was good, but not developed in the story. We get very little about Gina's state, other than "yummy, nice dick". The story is stuck in the protagonists' world view, and so I think that the only way to get the conflict and resolution here is somehow to fracture that world view... which loses the happiness of readers with that world view.
I agree with many of the comments so far - this story has all the potential for two divorces and either one or two marriages, and explaining the living arrangements to the kids (and the world) would be interesting.
Just because it happens so often, "discrete" does not mean the same thing as "discreet". Also, one hopes that, after dinner, one would have "dessert" rather than find themselves in the "desert," especially when referring to sex with a woman!
But I cannot imagine it actually working out. All sorts of 'Family' problems would occur. What do the children do, especially as they get older? How do they explain to their parents? What happens if one of the women gets pregnant? What happens if one wants out? Still that would be another story.
It describes how people handle.poly relationships,where they love multiple people,so this is not too too far out,including living together.It isn't easy and yes there would be more drama with this irl,but it does happen and can work.
Normally, my wife HATES me telling anything from Lit., but I just had to share that line with her. She laughed.
Another very good IMH story. It could have used a bit more proofreading/editing, especially on the first page. I bonded with Brad very quickly and feared this was headed for an unpleasant ending. When Gina smiled "devilishly," I knew I was going to love it.
They treated Brad as a moron, but all in all, I thought you rushed through the preliminary discussions. It was obvious from the start that it was very likely that at least one half of the swap would fall in love and want to ditch the spouses. A man and woman have a emotional (but sexless) relationship, and the other have a sexual, but not an emotional relationship? Naaah doesn't work that way, especially when they are so well matched in other aspects of life. They should have discussed all that. And what happens when they start talking on the phone for hours?
Had I been Brad, assuming I wanted to stay married, I would have nixed it as they were too compatible, and a long term relationship, three months, would likely make at least one of them a couple. More reasonable would to look for swingers a three hour drive from their house.
Likewise nothing is said about the growing love in the nes aleignment So that's my suggestion, that a huge step like that should have had more discussion. The Polyamory thing, I guess that's the writer's choice, but it seems to me the old marriages are over.
Another point, the characters were too similar to be reasonable, so one likes olive Garden which is the McDonalds of a chain Italian restaurant. SO have the female counterpart prefer mom and pop Mexican, introduce differences so the cross alignment wasn't so close,
English
It's not the ultimate relationship that bothers me but the secretive way it was planned and sprung on Brad. In order to make it work you had him happy to go along with it knowing full well that the other three had already agreed to put things into motion. I do not think that shows a great deal of respect to Brad by any of them, especially Melissa. There is no way the poly-relationship could work with the secretive groundwork it was based on. Interesting concept but highly unlikely.
a good intro and initial exploration but
Problems and conflicts along with resolutions or lack thereof define a story. All the adult characters stayed in their trait lanes preassigned from start and the kids remained clueless from start to finish. This was far from a horrible read but never really achieved liftoff in terms,of fully engaging the reader. Unrated.
Wished for a bit more
Wish they told the kids, and the adults communicated more. I would seriously like to hear the conversation of why they couldn't date. Could of made the story more fun.
I liked the story
It felt like more of an imaginative tale than a real life story. A sort of what-if story with very specific cherry picked set of problems. That is fine by me, because real life is mundane and this story read like an entertaining sit-com. For the most part no one was disrespected and everyone ended up happy. The poly-amory ending isn't my favorite but it was probably the best way to end this tale in two pages.
This read was very enjoyable and original. It kept my interest and it was a good length. Bravo for a fun story. It was also erotic, not an easy task to pull of on a relationship based piece Five Stars!
great story
great story something that could actually happen in real life if the same kind of people knew each other. keep up the good work
I liked, but...
I liked the story, but it has a lot of unsolved important problems...As an example, the writter telling: "I really would like it if no one but me ever fucked Gina ever again..."
Interesting scenario
You had my attention from beginning to end. You've crafted an intriguing and unique scenario where everyone emerges as the winner. What this story lacks is conflict, which made it feel a bit unrealistic. It would have been nice to see some conflict at some point, which would have placed the entire arrangement in jeopardy, followed by some sort of resolution. You can still have a happy ending, but this just seemed too easy.
Kind of liked it....
It's not cheating as everyone is on board and in agreement with the activities. Is there a divorce down the road? Most likely. I doubt that Art and Melissa are getting it on, whereas Gina and Brad are having a full fledged love affair. After awhile, the bonds between Brad and Gina will be stronger than that of Brad and Melissa. The two couples now live in two sections of one house. Here is how I see this progressing...right now Brad and Melissa live in one section and the other section is occupied by Gina and Art. Soon, Gina and Brad will want to spend even more time together. Gina will talk Art and Melissa into finishing the swap. Brad and Gina will now be living in one section of the house and the other section will be Art and Melissa's. This will continue until Gina decides that she and Brad need more private time together and suggest that she and Brad get their own place. By the time the light bulb goes off over Melissa's and Art's heads, the happy couple will have set up house on the other side of town. Who is the puppet master in this emotional pudding pop? Why Gina, of course. She is leading them around like puppies on a leash. She is the relationship professional. She used her training to divide and conquer. Why else obtain the waiver?
Fun read
I'm not sure that the kids are as clueless as they think, but it was still entertaining. I would have liked to hear the adults "explain" to the kids that they were all moving in together. THAT would have been a lively discussion. And I'm thinking that two divorces and two weddings might be in their future.
Hummm....
Well, for the story internals- I'm pretty sure that as stated the original couples are not communicating better than before this experiment. Perhaps Art and Gina...not the protagonist and his spouse.
I suppose you could save it with some 4 way stuff - all four go to the theater, all four go to the gym... but as it stands, they are solidifying the disconnect. Selling the duplex will be tough, but possible after removing the door.
And... probably two divorces, but only one marriage.
If I were in the business, I think I could use this little story to test guys in marital difficulties - if they saw it as a solution, then the marriage has serious problems.
So, externally as a story? Not sure - not a lot of emotional development here, at least shown. The call of a previous commentator that "I'd like Gina to be fucking only me" was a big red sign of inappropriate emotion was good, but not developed in the story. We get very little about Gina's state, other than "yummy, nice dick". The story is stuck in the protagonists' world view, and so I think that the only way to get the conflict and resolution here is somehow to fracture that world view... which loses the happiness of readers with that world view.
Go for it.
Green-something
Thanks for the laugh
"more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles"
Best belly laugh of the morning :-)
Middling story; watch the similar words!
I agree with many of the comments so far - this story has all the potential for two divorces and either one or two marriages, and explaining the living arrangements to the kids (and the world) would be interesting.
Just because it happens so often, "discrete" does not mean the same thing as "discreet". Also, one hopes that, after dinner, one would have "dessert" rather than find themselves in the "desert," especially when referring to sex with a woman!
Liked the story
But I cannot imagine it actually working out. All sorts of 'Family' problems would occur. What do the children do, especially as they get older? How do they explain to their parents? What happens if one of the women gets pregnant? What happens if one wants out? Still that would be another story.
Fun fantasy story
Completely enjoyed the story and especially the characters.
But practically, I don't see it working in the real world. But that's irrelevant to enjoying the story and imhapless' skill with words.
Actually
It describes how people handle.poly relationships,where they love multiple people,so this is not too too far out,including living together.It isn't easy and yes there would be more drama with this irl,but it does happen and can work.
I'm with Gordo.
Normally, my wife HATES me telling anything from Lit., but I just had to share that line with her. She laughed.
Another very good IMH story. It could have used a bit more proofreading/editing, especially on the first page. I bonded with Brad very quickly and feared this was headed for an unpleasant ending. When Gina smiled "devilishly," I knew I was going to love it.
Not Too Serious
This is a good-natured yarn not to be taken seriously. I enjoyed it.
Okay
This reminded me of a JPB story quite a bit. A well written light hearted sex fantasy.
Not something I could see myself write, but a interesting diversion. Sort of like Moroccan food. Not everyday, but once in a while.
Reminded me of a JPB story. Light hearted but a fantasy
Sorry for the double post
My one bit of consternation with the story was at the bottom of page 1. Two pages does not do this justice.
Just a bit glib
They treated Brad as a moron, but all in all, I thought you rushed through the preliminary discussions. It was obvious from the start that it was very likely that at least one half of the swap would fall in love and want to ditch the spouses. A man and woman have a emotional (but sexless) relationship, and the other have a sexual, but not an emotional relationship? Naaah doesn't work that way, especially when they are so well matched in other aspects of life. They should have discussed all that. And what happens when they start talking on the phone for hours?
Had I been Brad, assuming I wanted to stay married, I would have nixed it as they were too compatible, and a long term relationship, three months, would likely make at least one of them a couple. More reasonable would to look for swingers a three hour drive from their house.
Likewise nothing is said about the growing love in the nes aleignment So that's my suggestion, that a huge step like that should have had more discussion. The Polyamory thing, I guess that's the writer's choice, but it seems to me the old marriages are over.
Another point, the characters were too similar to be reasonable, so one likes olive Garden which is the McDonalds of a chain Italian restaurant. SO have the female counterpart prefer mom and pop Mexican, introduce differences so the cross alignment wasn't so close,
Chilley .
Cute. Lovely old yarn.
Hope him and Art become real good buddies. Thanks for spinning 5*
You are a sick person.
Who is an artist at the written word.
I really despise this scenario and characters but totally enjoy your writing.
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