Two Bridesmaids

So well-written

Very well done. Succinct where it needed to be succinct. Enjoyed your style.

Thank you!

I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you for taking the time to leave a note. It's very encouraging to me.

Unique!

Unique story, with some great insights, which i find rarely in a story!
Thank you!

Thank you e1nherjar!

I've been trying to come up with more likeable characters in my stories. In this, I especially like the second half where the tables get turned for Walt, who is sort of sketchy dude.

You did it again

You keep writing stories that in concept sound distasteful to me, but I read them anyway and come away impressed. This one was short, bittersweet, and delivered a heavy impact. I have to say that you brought a unique twist to the Noncon category. This one will stay with me for a while. Very well done!

Tight minimalist writing

and a credible plot. Excellent. Well done sir!

Thank you, Scotsman69! I'm so pleased you liked the plot. I typically do strive for realism, especially with noncom.

thank you soflabbwlvr!

High praise! Thank you so much. I know exactly what you mean about the distasteful quality to my stories. I don't know if I'm just going through a stage, or if this is really all I can do. For some reason, these kind of stories resonate with me.

One day I hope to do a series of stories about a single character, something like a Breaking Bad sort of person, where an ordinary guy discovers he's got this enormous potential for sexual pervasion. I just have to work out some of the details.

Speaking of Breaking Bad, I named this character Walt as a sort of homage to that show.

Your style reminds me of Earnest Hemmingway...

Normally I hate that Dick and Jane style of writing. Dick runs. See Dick run. Run Dick run. Hemmingway wrote that way, and I loathed it. Instead of being able to embrace the images, and be a part of them... you're forced to watch from above, and you're completely separated from the characters with those kind of clipped descriptions. This somehow felt the same, but different. It was almost like Sin City with the way you narrated it, and I found myself enjoying it even though I couldn't sink fully into it the way that I like to. Even though I was an outsider to what was happening, it somehow managed to captivate my attention. I'm still not sure if I like your style... but I liked this particular story... so I'll give it a solid 4.

for whom the comment tolls

Wow, Earnest Hemmingway? That's just an incredibly satisfying comparison, because, like, Hemmingway, right?

I think I know where you're coming from about the choppy sentences and the narration. For maybe the last 10 years most of my creative work has been in first person. I've only been using third person for a few years, mostly with erotica. I'm trying to learn as much as I can about how to do a satisfying character, how to use the narrator to my best advantage, how to keep the plot tight and focused, moving at the right pace. It's a challenge, but I feel like I'm learning a lot. Your comments are very interesting to read and think about. Thanks for making them, thanks for the vote. I hope you'll consider reading more of my work.

I simply love your writing.

The lean, disconnected, stream of consciousness narrative works so well in this story. There is so much ugliness, so much beauty slipped into the observations. It takes place in that dreamy state that is social interaction in a place where you don't belong. Pictures, faces, names, all of it important and all of it, in the end, absolutely meaningless, coming at you, exploding in front of your face like flash bulbs. And lost in that terrible connection of moments are the choices you make, the emotions you feel--so easy, so hard, and then chased into the night to lie in a bed drunk somewhere while the rest of the world celebrates nothing around them.

A gorgeous story.

AMoveableBeast, that was the most lovely comment. Thank you so much for taking the time to create it. I have been looking at it, and thinking about it on and off since I first saw it yesterday. It made my toes tingle and my heart soar. It makes me smile each time I read it, and right now I am in great need of smiles. So thank you, thank you so much. I'm very grateful to have you in my corner.

Not a fan of Hemmingway

This feels like there is no honest emotion in the writing, so mechanical and coldly narrated. Like watching a nature documentary and you listen to him describe how the snake eats the mouse or the polar bear starves.