Pixie Ch. 01

You dont have to use her name as much as you did, you can just say she. Actually her name was the only thing bad about the story so far.

Perfect!!

I love it already !!! Please continue this , I already love this story . I love the dynamic, setting and everything !! Update ASAP! Five stars !

Wow!!!!!

I loved this story. Raphel sounds so hot and I loved Blessed's snarky attitude. Keep writing!!!! I can't wait to see where this story is heading.

Surprise me, please

Please surprise me. Let this story allow Blessed to triumph. I'd love to see her grind him to bits for his arrogance. Alas, I suspect the formula is set, and I am sorry for that. Here's hoping I'm wrong. She knows herself. She's intelligent. Surely, she can find a way to win. That would be a very interesting story for someone who wants to write it (and has writing talent, which I know myself well enough to know that I do not). Nice opening. Well set up. Good luck.

Pretty good

I really like the beginning of this and I never give bad out put but I do agree that her name's used a little to much. If you could cut back on it it would make reading it a lot more enjoyable. If not ppl would still read it anyway lol. It's good. I liked it. WRITE SOON!!

This is great!

I love it! I don't agree that she should grind him to bits! I hope he has wanted her for a really long time and is finally acting on it. I do agree that she needs more persuasion to go to the party. She's smart. A smart girl would say, "Fuck that!" and stay home. So excited. Can't wait for more!

This story got stupid fast.

A shit hole town no one has ever heard of but somehow is the central high school for the region? Then her mother is an insurance adjuster in the next town? Why not just move there instead of commuting? As for being mob bosses? I didn't know mob bosses retired to bum fuck nowhere, so why are they the exception? Throw in the fact that Blessed is supposedly so fucking smart; but she is willingly going to the party of a guy who loves to bully her? She knows she's going to be raped and taped and blackmailed right. I mean, how fucking stupid do you have to be to not expect that?

This could have been a great story, but you threw every cliche in the book at it and really...really fucking ruined it.

Loved it!

Loved it! I'll be checking back for chapter two! Please continue. Don't listen to naysayers. I think this is full of potential and may very well turn into one of my favorite stories. Especially if it is anywhere near as erotic as Ellie. :D

Needs work but has potential

There are two main directions you can go for this story that I see. One, as someone mentioned below, he rapes her and blackmails her somehow to further humiliate her. The other being how he's so obsessed with her and realizing she's leaving, he forces himself upon her and she either accepts his obsession or not. Or you can completely surprise me, and write something truly out of the realm. All three are good paths and, if done right, can be a great story.

You need to work on your grammar a bit. I wish you gave her a different name or atleast didn't use it as often as you do. It becomes even more unclear when you use blessed as an adjective as well. I also don't understand why she would go to his party. There's really no incentive for her to go and get humiliated. So what if he causes a scene?

Piqued My Interest

Your story has a lot of potential, so please keep going.

However, there are a few things I would like to say. One, try to reduce the use of 'Blessed'. Two, when you do want to use it, remember to capitalize the name. Lastly, a few times the sentences felt short and choppy. A smooth transition and great flow is crucial in any story.

Good luck and I'll be on the lookout for your next chapter.

Awesome! Anxiously waiting for the next chapter

Although the overuse of Blessed's name took away from the glamour of the storie, I still enjoyed it. I have absolutely fallen in love with Pixie and can't wait for the next chapter.