This is going well. Please don't let it spiral out of control unless there's a reason for it other than to get to the end. Same goes for the "busty" tag -- unless there's a reason for bringing this up, don't bother. You've established a nice premise, keep it going, this should be fun to follow.
Thank you for the encouraging and constructive comments. I made a few mistakes in this first submission including the "busty" tag. I guess I was thinking ahead instead of staying in the moment. Now I'm motivated to finish this story and also work on the next. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Well done! As a fellow 50yo (+ in my case) you've done a great job establishing the timeframe without making it annoyingly too large a part of the storytelling. Your first person style comes across very 'true', and is endearing.
Look forward to your next chapter and again 'well done'.
by
Anonymous09/02/14
Tall, muscular, sexy ...
A great beginning! Give "Ten" some chest hair for that muscular and masculine frame -- something for our young lady to trace her fingers through when she finally sees him in his naked glory!
It was a nice start but I wish it was a bit longer. You do have the reader wondering how far the making out went, I figure you'll explain further in the next chapter. I was also wondering if this was her first makeout session since she was sheltered. I'll be following this story to see how it all turns out. It does read like an autobiography and well written. Best of luck to you
DG Hear
PS I gave it a 5* for being your first story and held my interest.
When I starting writing this I fully expected it to be a two-parter at least. I love the tease of wondering what happens next. I've completed the second part and submitted it so it should be up fairly soon. What I didn't realize was that there will be a third part as well. It's very satisfying when the story takes on a life of it's own.
Chest hair, huh? I'll have to include that in part three. ;-)
English
Good beginning
You definitely have established the underpinnings for a good story. You left this reader wanting to know how matters develop from here. Due carry on.
Great job!
You have built the story well!
I can't wait to read more of it!
Keep up the great work!
Thank you!
Doin' good
This is going well. Please don't let it spiral out of control unless there's a reason for it other than to get to the end. Same goes for the "busty" tag -- unless there's a reason for bringing this up, don't bother. You've established a nice premise, keep it going, this should be fun to follow.
Live, write and learn!
Thank you for the encouraging and constructive comments. I made a few mistakes in this first submission including the "busty" tag. I guess I was thinking ahead instead of staying in the moment. Now I'm motivated to finish this story and also work on the next. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Not bad
Not bad, but not great.
Courage
Well done! As a fellow 50yo (+ in my case) you've done a great job establishing the timeframe without making it annoyingly too large a part of the storytelling. Your first person style comes across very 'true', and is endearing.
Look forward to your next chapter and again 'well done'.
Tall, muscular, sexy ...
A great beginning! Give "Ten" some chest hair for that muscular and masculine frame -- something for our young lady to trace her fingers through when she finally sees him in his naked glory!
Nice start
It was a nice start but I wish it was a bit longer. You do have the reader wondering how far the making out went, I figure you'll explain further in the next chapter. I was also wondering if this was her first makeout session since she was sheltered. I'll be following this story to see how it all turns out. It does read like an autobiography and well written. Best of luck to you
DG Hear
PS I gave it a 5* for being your first story and held my interest.
Leave 'em wanting more!
When I starting writing this I fully expected it to be a two-parter at least. I love the tease of wondering what happens next. I've completed the second part and submitted it so it should be up fairly soon. What I didn't realize was that there will be a third part as well. It's very satisfying when the story takes on a life of it's own.
Chest hair, huh? I'll have to include that in part three. ;-)
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to My First Lover, Ten or
More submissions by Loving50.