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English
story
great story always nice to see when two people can come to terms with what they want and accept things for what they are
Different story, same comment
I have the same general comment about this story as I left for your other one. Once again, the premise of this story is hot, and has great potential. But you glossed over the setup and launched right into the action. What was the main character's motivation for seeing his wife have sex with another man? What were her thoughts on that? What was that conversation like? That is the most interesting part of the story. The sex is merely the payoff.
As with your other story, I found some parts implausible. For example, how did the husband hear every word that was said in the living room while watching through a pane of glass? And why was a 21-year-old not old enough to drink alcohol?
As a reader, I need to know something about this couple before I can invest anything in their story. As it stands, they may as well be cardboard cut-outs humping each other in a cardboard box that is decorated to look like a living room.
I gave you four stars, but it won't help you, since the moronic BTB crowd will one-bomb you to death.
Just a description...
This story is just a description of a woman fucking a young man (sometimes he was 19, others 21)...No feelings, no talking, nothing more...2 * just because all this
Please, please, PLEASE
Read your OWN story (after you 'finish' it but BEFORE you post it!) Preferably a coupla days after 'finishing' it. Look for things like a character's name changing, age differences, dick or breast size shifts. Hint: Write down the aspects in the story in a list for each character... 21 y.o., brown hair, blue shirt, cutoff jeans, has an English accent. Refer back to your list everytime that character is mentioned. Add to the list whenever a new aspect is introduced. If Jean morphs to Jan (because you once dated a Jean and later a Jan) the list will point it out, whereas your memory might not!
In other words, this story is sloppy and, if there is a 'moral,' it is murky!
2*
Ok, first try
Basically as others have said, you rushed. Ok, that said, take a deep breath, give it a few days and try again.
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