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Incomplete story
The story needs a better finish. it's incomplete. Ends with a question mark... This one has the potential to have a nice finish so complete it...
Pretty Good***
Thanks for sharing!!
agree with karan
Unfinished.....great potential......you usually take it farther.
5*
Finish the damn story
almost as intense as it is unfinished ( and that's a lot )
I'm not complaining ...much. There were too many electric turns of phrase and an awful lot of narrative was packed into one page. I love how precariously the narrator is given a hold on reader sympathy. Yes-he suffered outrageous travails but some were brought upon himself by his own admission and canceling at last minute promised fiscal support of wedding is an extemely mean-spirited tactic,, sinking to stepdaughter's level.
My main complaint is where the tale leaves off. Did he walk away from enabling wife or reconcile ? That didn't 'have ' to be answered per se ( although I freely admit I would have loved to have known ) but their first faceoff and conversation after long hiatus following his fit of pique . I needed to hear that exchange to rate this at full marks.
Maybe one day the muse will give this hall of fame author a nudge to grant his fans just a bit more closure. Cant wait .
Interesting
Good start. It could be the end and that would be okay also. Enough was said to make this a complete tale. Still it would be nice to have another chapter.
Five Stars
wrong place
This stopped in the wrong place, it should have either stopped four paragraphs earlier or been much longer.
QUESTIONS AND WONDERMENT
how the dynamics change over time and space. TK U MLJ LV NV
Oh come on...
Slirpuff you're pulling a JPB,and that's just not you. This story isn't finished and you know it. I gave it a five because I know you won't let this just sit like this. If you do it will start to smell bad, and your stellar reputation as one of the best, one of stalwarts of the lw genre, a writer with a standard of excellence we others strive to imitate will take a dive.
Hi and welcome back
If a spouse is separated for two years, doesn't it make it an automatic divorce?
Nice enough but...
... it needs fleshing out and an end. The way it was written, seems to me the problem was not "St Greg", but the daughter's antics, made possible by a mother who didn't have the backbone to stand up to her. If the author's intention was to describe a marriage under the shadow of the first husband, he should present more instances where the wife appears to be hung up to her deceased first husband.
Confused
Specifically by the last line. Obviously you are implying that he might decide to reconcile. But if he decides not too, he will be in the same situation he was in before the trip. Nothing changes. Either way, she is still his wife.
I have to agree with the earlier comments
I am not one who has ever criticized the way an author has ended a story. I don't need a Hollywood ending. However, because of where you ended this one and the way you ended it, the reader is really left hanging. And I can't believe I'm saying this, as I NEVER want to hear from the wife who is at fault (because they are usually cheaters), but if you were going to add another chapter and work them toward a reconciliation, we might enjoy watching the wife eat a lot of humble pie, as well as the rest of the clan.
This just might be a story I haven't seen here before: what happens when the step-parent takes the place of a beloved dead spouse?
I actually observed this in my husband's family. My husband's uncle died of cancer and his wife remarried. The new husband's situation was much as it was here: he was never treated as a loving member of the family, though he tried to be, nor was he even given respect as his wife's husband; his financial support was expected and taken; the children were always put before the husband, even though they were grown, with families of their own. The solution was divorce, in a religion where it is extremely rare.
You are one of my favorite authors, Slirpuff.
Please give us more martial arts-performing, motorcycle riding heroes. (Yum!)
DV
Meh!
Incomplete?
Or was this some lame attempt at trying to be clever?
Looks like another job for Finnish The Damn Story!
Well, excellent start...
But only a start. Diffidently needs followup. Suggestion is that they will get back together and poor ole Faith does win out. NO.
Welcome back - you have been missed
I enjoyed all but the last two paragraphs of page 1 but where is page 2? As much as I like your work this one left me feeling cheated. No ending and no real indication of an ending.
A good story...
A good story, but I have to agree with all the comments...Or it have a part 2, or let the readers in suspense take a significant part of interest of it...With an end this is a 4* plus story...Like this is just a 3*...
What's up With Wimp Men?
Wimps, cowards, mama's boys; call them what you like,I don't mean cuckolds I mean guys that get played by a woman and get their feelings hurt. After being married for 5-1/2 years why is he paying for a wedding for a selfish brat? Whose idea was that and why didn't he say NO! He is a wimp, he doesn't stand up for himself or what is right. He is afraid of being rejected and alone, but his fear has him so far away from doing what is right for himself and others that he can only be classified as a coward. I get it: a woman or a few women have hurt his feelings. So what?
There is more to life than a selfish wife. First off, there is his own survival. Once he has that under control, there is having His Own kids. Raising someone else's kids does not count, unless your sperm doesn't work. You were programmed for survival and procreation. If you want to be happy, fulfill your programming. If by some chance your sperm is malfunctioning, then adapt and adopt some kids and make them your own with 100% commitment to them. Survival and procreation are more important than one selfish woman or her brats. A wife at best is only a factor in this equation and she can be replaced. The only time in your life where a woman should be "everything" to you is when you are a helpless infant feeding from your mommy's tit. From that point on in normal male development you should be slowly separating yourself from mommy. After you hit puberty, you should start to view women differently. You should start view them as sexual partners at the very least and if they have decent character, then as potential wives.
The feminization of western culture seems to be confusing men as to the role and the value of a wife. This has all come along in the 20th century along with technological and social changes. I can assure you, there are still good women out there. The problem with this story is that this guy was actually paying for a wedding for someone who was not his daughter. He never should have been paying for it. She always treated him with disrespect. He should have nicely pointed that out at the beginning instead of compromising his way into this mess. Weddings are too damn expensive to be giving to ingrates. The daughter should have had plenty of insurance money from her "wonderful" dad to pay for the wedding - if he was smart and wonderful enough to have provided a decent life insurance policy.
The bottom line is that a single divorced guy should be looking for a wife and future mother of his children, not a mommy, and certainly not a mommy with a bunch of spoiled kids. He created his situation by mot taking control of his life and acting like a spoiled, hurt little boy.
I loved it
Some stories are too short because they are so good. This is one of them.
Like the other commenters, I'm interested in more. However, I'm not sure that "more" wouldn't just evolve into another story. It's 5* for me just as it is.
Bill1104
One tries to make allowances in second chance relationships
For those of us IN relationships, it seems so easy. For those of us NOT in relationships, it also seems easy.
It isn't.
For every tantrum by Faith, there is the cup of coffee in bed, lovingly brought up by Linda. For every sneer done by Debbie, there was a very nice magic moment on a vacation. These moments are given short shrift by authors all the time.
And for every slur by the kids, there was probably a time HE exploded too. So to make peace...to try to enact change in the other person, he did what mature people do and waited. How quick does it take to get over infidelity? How quick to recover from a lost spouse? Well...that is the amount of time that should be given for THIS major change as well.
He thought a peaceful and generous heart would calm the waters. They didn't. Call him a wimp if you will. While he might merit SOME condemnation, I have no beef with the guy. It was his life to live and he didn't put up with it forever. Just until he had enough. That he didn't act as quickly as a random commenter says as much about them as him.
Give your editor my thanks, Slirpuff.
Very enjoyable story
I agree with Bill104. It would have been nice if this one were longer.
I agree with Carvohi...
...it did remind me of JPB and his notorious endings (or lack thereof). Very glad to see you back and I'm hoping for a sequel.
well you set the scene, now where is the story
this comes up as a very long prologue without follow up, there is no marriage, no divorce, no respect, and tremendous humiliation, possibly now you can write the story
No Story
Just an intro.
I hate the way she starred at him
Now, if she had *stared* -- the actual spelling -- it might have been better.
This author has a habit of taking a good idea and half-baking it, and doing so very badly.
better then the rest
of the garbage posted on this day at least your not a sick fuck.
One star
This should have been titled "Portrait of an Asshole." There was nothing to like about the narrator, who seemed like a selfish prick. There wasn't much of a plot, either, nor anything remotely interesting. At least it was short.
The absence of anything remotely erotic should have destined this story for the "Non-Erotic" category. Why was this story placed in this category? Because it has a wife in it? Or because the author wanted lots of comments and views? I'm guessing the latter.
Yet another example of an incredibly boring story about marital difficulty, intentionally miscategorized by the author and ignored by the admins. In other words, just another ordinary day at Literotica.
Excellent story as far as it went
FTDS may have to finish this one. "What we have here is a failure to communicate" could be the subtitle of this story.
Hey, there's a neat new trick i can use...
if swingerjoe, or flc pan a story, I can pretty well bet that I won't mind it at all myself.
So all I gotta do, is look for their negative comments to find a decent one. The more they get their back up, the more I will probably like it.
Thanks heaps, singerjoeline and frontlinecustardburper, you guys are a great help.
As for the story, it's not the greatest, but at least it's about a guy who grew a set of actual testicles, even if it took him a while, so Steve, don't worry, we all don't hate you.
Disappointed
I was so excited to see a new slirpuff story.
And this had the potential to be a really good one but all you have us was the bare bones outline.
What was this?
Crap or real crap? one!
Forever
It has been forever since you published your last story and I am so glad to be able to read one again.
1* fuck these unfinished/open ended stories
Unfinished or 4 paragraphs to long, take your pick. Major plothole of why Steve and not joint Steve and Lisa money was paying for the wedding, just felt off.
@swingerjoe
Oh do fuck off you hypocritical wanker. You bleat over and over for people not to post negative comments on your precious cuck stories, then YOU bitch and moan on all non cuck stories.
Continue?
Before I vote I want to ask if you'll continue this story. This was too short for me to vote any higher than a 3. Once it is finshed I may be able to raise it to a 4 or even a 5.
different premise from the usual
It was surprisingly true to life. I know of an actual wedding where the step-mother cancelled the honeymoon suite she was paying for without telling her step son. In that case it was all the fault of the step mother and the young couple was blameless. But things like this really happen.
The story isn't finnished. All the drama was left to the end- and we were all left hanging.
pretty good story
he did the right thing, it took him a while but he got out in time
Did not like
the ending. Unfinished. We not need another BOB writer. Too many already. A little more dialogue illustrating the conflict between the daughter and Step. And at least one confrontation where Lisa supports her and not husband. And a better explanation why he did not get divorce. That is just ridiculous premise. Of course he would have unless you have a better explanation. At the moment because of ending this is just a tolerable 3 star ending. This does not need to be a BTB story, but I think there needed to be a few consequences for the daughter. Not just a ruined marriage.
Oh,
The Boss is a a-hole. He should not have arranged the meeting to include Lisa being paired with him. Nobodies business.
While I appreciate his situation, it's a situation he also made.
Every time he gave in, then at the end, he cowardly walked away and that, I have no respect for. He could have put his foot down. He could have made a limit and stayed within it but he didn't and he made HIS family pay that price.
Sorry but being a man means being unappreciated. It means getting the short end of the stick and still walking talk. It also means that if you have a problem with someone, you work it out with either words or your fists.
That is what is missing
I didn't get the sense that the wife was part of the problem besides not reining in her bitch of a daughter.
If she had constantly been carping at her husband, his dissatisfaction would have been more reasonable. But it really didn't come off that way.
Because separating from his wife on the very CUSP of his major problem leaving...that's just a bit stupid and short sighted.
I saw what you were trying to do, but it didn't get properly applied.
This is it again?
WHAT THE FUCK!
You are normally a good author, so why not write a "story" instead of half of one.
I hate to add you to the growing list of writers I don't read anymore but I'm sick and tired of wasting my time reading stories that just stop half way through.
3 stars, half a score for half a story.
The Steves don't add up
On one hand you have Steve the successful VP. On the other you have Steve the indecisive husband. I fully get how he could go through the marriage, trying to interact with the spoiled brats and the mother who insists on spoiling them. I get the "just try to get along" message.
But when the little snot whose wedding he is paying for DELIBERATELY cuts him out of the rehearsal dinner and the wife thinks that is an "innocent mix up"... What a crock. A very appropriate response.
Lisa's problem is that you do not take anyone's side against your husband unless your husband has been totally unreasonable. Not your kids, not your girlfriends, not the people you work with, not your parents, NO ONE. Not if you want your relationship to be healthy.
The disconnect comes when Steve leaves. He has decided the marriage is over. They have not communicated in any way since he left. He wasn't trying to teach a lesson. He is gone. He can certainly afford a divorce. A VP of a corporation makes decisions. There is no upside for letting this linger and fester. A VP would take care of things and move on. If you cannot make decisions like that you won't be a VP very long. VPs tackle problems and FORGE resolutions. I don't care if it was a get back together or a divorce resolution but the "Aw shucks, I just can't make up my mind" resolution is inconsistent with his portrayed character.
Oh, a couple sloppy language issues as well. "There" instead of "their". You have been at this too long to be making these types of errors.
Over all an OK story but not enough thought to the characters.
Nicely Done
Nicely different take for a LW story. Definitely would like to see a Part 2 to this as it's a really good setup.
crapy ending
I hope that another chapter is coming because this could have been a great story instead of just a good story
FD45 - the wife was part of the problem
This paragraph from the story may be construed as the wife's comment (and hence her being part of the problem):
All I'd heard for the last year was, "Greg wouldn't have done it that way, or Greg was such a loving husband and father too bad he's gone, and Daddy would have loved Robert."
Even otherwise, wife never put her foot down in his support with the (now) adult kids even at the end.
I'd say the protag stayed on too many years in the marriage. The first time he was compared to St.Greg without the love and the first time he saw (ungrateful) kids put up with him just for their mother , he should have packed his bags. Paying for the various stuff and then canceling is cowardice though - he had years as "persona non grata" and the absolute last moment for him to scoot (with any shred of respect, because he encouraged them by staying on for >5 years) was when he was asked to pay for St.Greg's brother's tuxedo.
story
great story and i can see that happening very easily sure hope there is another chapter to this story
gave it a 4
only because you didn't finish it. I enjoyed what was written like almost all of your stories. please finish one way or the other.
Smitty19
Not up to your usual level
Not a bad story but I hate it when the story ends in an unanswered question. Its like making it a two chapter story but only ever writing the first chapter.
ON 2ND THOUGHT
are we sure St Greg didn't commit Hari-Kari. TK U MLJ LV NV
Not up to your standards
.
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