A Gift From His Father Ch. 20

A lesson learned

As Lost in Space should've taught us all, the TV show not the God awful movie, never trust a Dr. Smith. Thanks for the chapter!

not so long between chapters please keep them coming a lot sooner

A LOT!

Like your other stories I liked this one very much!
Please keep going!

Great! - just commenting a few things

This chapter had everything I (as a reader) expected form it. It's not a masterpiece, but I don't think that's the point. That said, you have a great storyline that specifies into noteworthy plots most of the chapters, you have made a great use of the combination between power and motivation, and the personality of your main characters is deep. Maybe it would be interesting to dive a bit into the soul of others, such as what you did with Samantha a while ago, or with Denise. By the way, I loved the transgender conflicted feelings. It's a gret topic. I wouldn't matter if you explored this issue sometime in future chapters.

By the way, Denise was made an agent of sorts after being transformed; plus John is supposed to be able to see and hear through her. But it seems that he has forgotten this possibility, and now we don't even now what happened to the jewel.

i have to be that person, sorry.

Let me first start of by saying i do enjoy the story, and look forward to seeing more, but there is one thing that is nagging me to no end.

The constant misuse of 'than' There are many instances in this chapter and previous ones where you use 'than' in nearly all cases where 'then' would have been the word to be used.

"If the kids were put down early than sometimes an orgy would break out. If not than the small group would break off and resume their fun at the home or apartment of someone more incline to participate in adult activities. "

the above is just one example of where 'than' is used incorrectly twice.

Thanks for the feedback

I appreciate all the feedback, particularly the subtle differences between "then" and "than". (I feel silly that I missed that and will watch it in the future.)

For a little story that I thought I would just try to see how it goes, I am amazed that I have written 20 chapters. I never intended to write that much, but the characters seem to have their own opinions. It has been a challenge keeping track of all that they seem to want to say and do, my outline is becoming very detailed.

I do find the posting a bit challenging at times. I want to use boldface lettering and italics, but that is often much harder to accomplish than is worth the effort.

I will take your advice and go a little deeper into some of the personalities and try not to add any new ones unless they successfully fight and escape.

I have a Halloween Story I am working on if they have a contest I will publish it there.

Thanks again for the feedback!

Fantastic, but...

The story is amazing and I really love how it is developing. You do have an amazing talent. However, it is let down by the basics of writing. Get yourself proof-read! I'm happy to help (I'll just need to sign up).

enjoyedthe series n waiting for the rest

Dude i have been reading like a man possessed straight 24 hrs without sleep. Would like to knw when your next chapter is posted and am looking forward to it. It dosent what the others say about your grammar being poor or mistakes in your stories. Its erotic literature n is up to the writers and the readers imagination how they take it. Seems to me the ones criticising jst using ur work as an excuse to let their frustration out for not having better imagination.

chapter 21when and where?

Waiting with baited breath
Keep up the good work

Hoping. .....

I too have been enjoying your series it's been great. I am looking forward to enjoying the rest of the series. I am also hoping that you allow our hero to once again remain to the Master of the ring. I hope that a least you allow the father to escape the ring but either end up as a servant of to the son or just be free.

Chapter 21

Chapter 21 is in the final editing process and anticipate putting it up tomorrow and then is it just a matter of waiting for the posting process. Thank you for your support.

Submitted

Thank you for all your comments and concerns. Chapter 21 has been submitted and is pending review. If all goes well should be posted by Wednesday (my guess). Thanks for your patience.

Anonymous

you are a wonderful writer... waiting for the next chapter.....

Great work . Can you give us an update on chapter 22

You Desperately Need an Editor

Very good story, but it is hurt by the many instances of wrong words being used, words missing, and such. There's a big difference between "then" and "than", for instance. There are even instances, in other chapters, of you mixing up "him" and "her" and other similar mistakes.