Agree with other commenter....could have been a bit longer....but nevertheless well told....very sensuous....what a great stress releaver and that by someone who had just begun and really wanted the client in more ways than one.....bet that was a one time experience of note!
Nice story, after I got beyond this glaring inconsistency:
"I put the blindfold on and rolled onto my stomach…………..then I saw bare feet come into view……."
It ruined the story for me.
by
Anonymous09/10/14
Wouldn't be the first guy
who peeked when he was not supposed to
by
Anonymous09/10/14
Then
I opened your story and then read the first paragraph and then the second paragraph. Then the next and then the next and then so on and then so on until then I finished the story and then frustrated with all the use of the word "THEN", I then commented on a good story that could have been better.
by
Anonymous09/10/14
***
Good example of a possibly good story unrealized. It's too rushed as if you are not trying to tell a story with all that entails. Also several spelling mistakes: Calve instead of calf. Taught instead of taut, for two examples. That stuff is important, in spite of what anti-intellectual snobs say. And dialogue. Have these people say something. Give us a chance to hear them talk. And that allows you to slow down the action. Will counter the feeling of a writer just going through the motions. Make an effort. It will make a big difference.
Thank you for the feedback.
It was rushed, and you are right, it shows. There are mistakes and inconsistencies that will drive me crazy as they would not have happened if I would have taken my time. This was my first story submission and I let my excitement and nervousness get the better of me.
by
Anonymous09/12/14
New Office Girl
Talk about putting temptation right next door. Still, write it up. I'm sure this naughty niece can keep her lecherous uncle interested!
English
good read
nice story a little short but good read
Highly Erotic Massage
Agree with other commenter....could have been a bit longer....but nevertheless well told....very sensuous....what a great stress releaver and that by someone who had just begun and really wanted the client in more ways than one.....bet that was a one time experience of note!
Can't un-ring that bell!
Nice story, after I got beyond this glaring inconsistency:
"I put the blindfold on and rolled onto my stomach…………..then I saw bare feet come into view……."
It ruined the story for me.
Wouldn't be the first guy
who peeked when he was not supposed to
Then
I opened your story and then read the first paragraph and then the second paragraph. Then the next and then the next and then so on and then so on until then I finished the story and then frustrated with all the use of the word "THEN", I then commented on a good story that could have been better.
***
Good example of a possibly good story unrealized. It's too rushed as if you are not trying to tell a story with all that entails. Also several spelling mistakes: Calve instead of calf. Taught instead of taut, for two examples. That stuff is important, in spite of what anti-intellectual snobs say. And dialogue. Have these people say something. Give us a chance to hear them talk. And that allows you to slow down the action. Will counter the feeling of a writer just going through the motions. Make an effort. It will make a big difference.
Thanks
Thank you for the feedback.
It was rushed, and you are right, it shows. There are mistakes and inconsistencies that will drive me crazy as they would not have happened if I would have taken my time. This was my first story submission and I let my excitement and nervousness get the better of me.
New Office Girl
Talk about putting temptation right next door. Still, write it up. I'm sure this naughty niece can keep her lecherous uncle interested!
Nice twist at the end.
Lets meet the rest of the family. I'm sure there is a story to be found there.
NOT BAD AT ALL: NICE TWIST!
The story is short & sweet!
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