If you're going to post stories for other people to read, at least make an attempt to keep it together and in one tense, or do you even know what tenses are for? This was pathetic, with a a 'ho-hum, saw it coming a mile away' ending that does you no credit, because it's been used 10,000 times before on this site. NO stars, and that's for the rush and the lack of any kind of originality. Read some of the other writers here, learn some lessons about pace, delivery, story construction, and most of all, syntax. Then you might be ready to post stories people are going to read and remember. As it is, this one disappears into the general background drone, forgotten even as I read it.
She was wearing red high heels at the beginning of the story ( Tom reached down and pulled off her red high heel shoes.) Later in the story, the shoes changed to black ( She is wearing only her thigh high stockings and one black heel.) I know it's nitpicky but it's shit like this that ruins a story for me. Get an editor next time.
by
Anonymous09/12/14
too bad, it could've been much better
I love stories about a boy fucking his own mother. A son getting his hard young cock up the same wonderful hairy hole he came out of, pumping it like mad, and finally blowing his young balls up his own mother's cunt is right and proper, and just about the hottest sex I can imagine. This is supposed to be the first time Tom fucks his mother, but the story lacks the heat and wrenching excitement of first-time motherfucking. Tom's got his cock up between his mother's thighs, where he last was some 20 or so years ago, they're breaking the strictest taboo there is, he's about to unload his balls up where he was once a baby and cream his own mother's twat--and they're so damn lackadaisical about it? Sorry, I don't buy that for a minute.
sorry fucking drunk chicks is a no go for me.you dont know if its you or the ex they are thinking of.besides that in some states it is even illegal to do so.like fucking a mentally challenged person.
Now what is needed is to flesh out the characters, and tell the rest of the story
by
Anonymous09/12/14
who is who?
I was totally confused by the begiining of the story-- who is who? You start out talking about your cousin's wedding, then SOMEONE got drunk, ... WHO?
The first paragraph or two just dont make sense. Who did he take back to the hotel room? You never say...
Was it the cousin, the mom? You never even mention the word mom or mother.
You need an editor, for sure.
The narrator shifts from 1st person present tense to 3rd person past tense in the same sentence; she had on a pink dress, then she had on a blouse and skirt; her shoes changed color; I could go on, this so-called 'story' has every tyro mistake you'd expect from someone who doesn't know how to write, compounded by the fact he's obviously not taken any time whatsoever to edit or proof-read what he did write; result? All the mistakes keep pulling the reader out of what's a not very good or original story to begin with. I can't award any stars, there seems no point, and encouraging this lazy-ass bonehead will only make him come back with more of the same.
by
Anonymous09/12/14
hmm
what a bad story how can someone change clothes so fast
by
Anonymous09/12/14
proper mother
What a lucky son to have such a loving mother who lets her son burry his cock into her unprotected womb. A proper mother should spread her thighs and allow her son to relieve his desires by thrusting his bear unprotected cock into her over and over until they both achieve to pleasure of orgasmic release over and over again. What son does not want to suckle from his mothers breast while humping his mother. Truly loving sons all want to deposit load after load of semen into their own mothers and watch with pride as her belly swells with the results of their unbridled passion. I want so bad for my own mother to come visit me at night and let me fill her with my seed, she could then return to my fathers bed a lie beside his as my seed takes possession of her egg and the excess semen drains from her womb and sullies the marital bed of my father. After she becomes pregnant she could come live with me as my new mommy-wife
You wrote this story in such a way that it's not revealed until the end that they're mother and son. But you posted in Incest, and in the description you state that a mother and son make love. With that in mind, maybe you might have considered your "big surprise" wasn't such a big surprise?
This is a detail you might want to keep in mind if your write more.
It's short and fairly predictable. I agree with the syntax issues, but the story structure got me most. Ever hear of paragraphs? Writers use certain tools in the trade. Learn to use them.
English
* * *
This story lasted just about as long as he did...
Too short, written in a rush, not good
If you're going to post stories for other people to read, at least make an attempt to keep it together and in one tense, or do you even know what tenses are for? This was pathetic, with a a 'ho-hum, saw it coming a mile away' ending that does you no credit, because it's been used 10,000 times before on this site. NO stars, and that's for the rush and the lack of any kind of originality. Read some of the other writers here, learn some lessons about pace, delivery, story construction, and most of all, syntax. Then you might be ready to post stories people are going to read and remember. As it is, this one disappears into the general background drone, forgotten even as I read it.
She was wearing red high heels at the beginning of the story ( Tom reached down and pulled off her red high heel shoes.) Later in the story, the shoes changed to black ( She is wearing only her thigh high stockings and one black heel.) I know it's nitpicky but it's shit like this that ruins a story for me. Get an editor next time.
too bad, it could've been much better
I love stories about a boy fucking his own mother. A son getting his hard young cock up the same wonderful hairy hole he came out of, pumping it like mad, and finally blowing his young balls up his own mother's cunt is right and proper, and just about the hottest sex I can imagine. This is supposed to be the first time Tom fucks his mother, but the story lacks the heat and wrenching excitement of first-time motherfucking. Tom's got his cock up between his mother's thighs, where he last was some 20 or so years ago, they're breaking the strictest taboo there is, he's about to unload his balls up where he was once a baby and cream his own mother's twat--and they're so damn lackadaisical about it? Sorry, I don't buy that for a minute.
sorry fucking drunk chicks is a no go for me.you dont know if its you or the ex they are thinking of.besides that in some states it is even illegal to do so.like fucking a mentally challenged person.
It's a good start
Now what is needed is to flesh out the characters, and tell the rest of the story
who is who?
I was totally confused by the begiining of the story-- who is who? You start out talking about your cousin's wedding, then SOMEONE got drunk, ... WHO?
The first paragraph or two just dont make sense. Who did he take back to the hotel room? You never say...
Was it the cousin, the mom? You never even mention the word mom or mother.
You need an editor, for sure.
What idiot wrote this?
The narrator shifts from 1st person present tense to 3rd person past tense in the same sentence; she had on a pink dress, then she had on a blouse and skirt; her shoes changed color; I could go on, this so-called 'story' has every tyro mistake you'd expect from someone who doesn't know how to write, compounded by the fact he's obviously not taken any time whatsoever to edit or proof-read what he did write; result? All the mistakes keep pulling the reader out of what's a not very good or original story to begin with. I can't award any stars, there seems no point, and encouraging this lazy-ass bonehead will only make him come back with more of the same.
hmm
what a bad story how can someone change clothes so fast
proper mother
What a lucky son to have such a loving mother who lets her son burry his cock into her unprotected womb. A proper mother should spread her thighs and allow her son to relieve his desires by thrusting his bear unprotected cock into her over and over until they both achieve to pleasure of orgasmic release over and over again. What son does not want to suckle from his mothers breast while humping his mother. Truly loving sons all want to deposit load after load of semen into their own mothers and watch with pride as her belly swells with the results of their unbridled passion. I want so bad for my own mother to come visit me at night and let me fill her with my seed, she could then return to my fathers bed a lie beside his as my seed takes possession of her egg and the excess semen drains from her womb and sullies the marital bed of my father. After she becomes pregnant she could come live with me as my new mommy-wife
A friendly bit of advice:
You wrote this story in such a way that it's not revealed until the end that they're mother and son. But you posted in Incest, and in the description you state that a mother and son make love. With that in mind, maybe you might have considered your "big surprise" wasn't such a big surprise?
This is a detail you might want to keep in mind if your write more.
Red shoes and a pink dress?
GAG!!!!!
It's short and fairly predictable. I agree with the syntax issues, but the story structure got me most. Ever hear of paragraphs? Writers use certain tools in the trade. Learn to use them.
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