Wendy

Good first effort

Reads like a scene from a novel, except for the last paragraph. The characters are largely cipers to us, though. In a novel we would know more about them, I suppose, but more character development would help. Dialogue was good, too.

@Anonymous

Hey, new here and don't know if I can reply directly to your post. Thanks a lot for your comment. I can find even more flaws in my text now, but I just kind of really wanted to have it finished and sent. It is indeed my first finished story. I enjoyed writing it. Hope you enjoyed reading.

Good power play! 5 stars.