All Comments on 'A Hero's Return Pt. 01'

A bit "stilted" in form but verbally a good read.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Thx

Agree - good start - obviously some great possibilities with this story line.

I wonder if he's going to get wounded and then sent back home where his ex shows up and selflessly nurses him back to health?? At least get HIM elected the new mayor so you'll have something original to tout.

Thanks for sharing.

A realistic description and portrayal of the major. Like most of us who have served, he has balls. It seems you understand this, but I worry that in the end you'll castrate him and have him end up a wimp. We will see.

By the way, get the "period" key on your keyboard fixed. Then you won't have to use the ? so much and so inappropriately.

There was an excellent set-up for an absorbing battle with the narrator using battle tactics to counter the spin applied by experienced politician in cover-up mode. Seeing these two separate cultures at odds held much promise. The author chose to keep it simple by having Kathy suddenly sprout a conscience and confess. Maybe the next installment will hold some worthy twists.

This could be a complete tale. The cheating cunt and her jerkoff lover the mayor got theirs in the end and the daughter goes with the grandmother. My fear is he gets wounded when he goes back and the skank returns to take care of him. We'll see...

I'm not sure why you think you need a part 2, unless you're planning some kind of RAAC bull shit wimp out ending.

In that case it would be you, the author, disrespecting the American soldier.

Although this story may be a work of fiction the concept of disrespect is very real, and we would have to call you Jody, not Sparky.

(Actually I could think of a few worse things than Jody or Sparky to call you).

You would also be required to move to Canada to avoid tarnishing American soil.

Hope you have a heart and let things work themselves out , I am not as cold hearted as some readers unless it was me!

I am not a forgiveness guy when it comes to cheating wives. She betrayed her daughter as well as her husband, setting the worst possible example a mother could set for a daughter. She has committed a relationship ending offense. The fact that the Mayor denied her is the only reason she spoke up. She realized she was getting dumped at that moment. BTW, the Mayor still needs some work. Running away is not enough for what he did to their family. On another note, if ANYONE in your family ever has anything to do with a politician and their campaign, check their integrity. Politics is a dirty business on par with prostitution and drug dealing. Don't let your family get involved with that scum.

i can feel it

If part 2 contains any reconciliation that would be a huge tragedy. That would be total and complete bullshit!

Do NOT make him into an accepting wimp. Continue to burn the slut and the cowardly ex-mayor. If he is turned into a wimp, author, you DISGRACE our soldiers serving our country.

I don't see what a second chapter could add to the story. Like some of the other commenters have said, don't turn the Major into a wimp.

As an ex milatery man I have seen men die because of things like this. I hope she gets burnt good and solid, I hope the whole town turns their back on her no the whole country! The fuckbag must die a slow death from his shame fall all the way to a bum hell no even they have honour and would not do this to a man serving his country.

To the writer of this story you have to finish it or you will have dishonoured all the men and woman serving their countries.

Don't turn the Major into a wimp

3*

Please don't ruin this by reconciling them.

I enjoy a reconcile story, when its called for. But this girl, in public, repeatedly flaunting her affair. To the point her daughter is neglected. Does she have brain damage? Where did she see this going? Yet she talked of marriage to him. That says it all.

Several comments;

Story is a bit dry

There's not much of a plot

There's no tension

Please don't frag the guy and send him home as walking wounded for his wife to care for.

And, please cook up some sort of revenge that a USAC officer would be likely to inflict.

and it turns the powers that be to was. TK U MLJ LV NV

This was quite a good read, ok, as someone said it was a bit dry & didn't have a great deal of emotion, but as a 1st time effort here you did alright.

It wasn't a very original plot, as it's been done many times before & often better, but if you can maintain this standard or even better it then you can feel well satisfied.

Please no reconciliation, she doesn't deserve it & as you stated in this chapter there's nothing worse that can happen to anyone in the armed services deployed on active duty than what occurred here. 4 ****

not bad for a first effort , look forward to more from you, nice to see someone with a bit of talent on here instead of the poorly written gay / fagotty / fetish / cucky rubbish that is flooding this site. 4*

Look. you are no doubt a good person with good values and there should be more of you. Furthermore, I don't want to discourage you from offering your point of view. But these characters are not real. I can't believe in them. You need to ask yourself whether creative writing is really your thing.

I like plausible reconciliation stories. But her answers to these two questions preclude that from ever happening:

"Do you love him?"

"I don't know if I love him. I like him a lot. We have so much fun together."

**

"Have you been staying with him since I caught you at the hotel?"

"Yes."

"And still having sex with him?"

"Yes."

**

How can there be a reconciliation after these revelations? Regardless that she publicly outted her lover, her willingness to live with and have sex with Connelly after being caught shows contempt and total disrespect for her daughter and army husband.

Reconciliation??? No way.

Very good opening chapter. Hopefully the remaining will live up to it.

Thank you,

M1*****

Certainly it is dry. But the military man ruled by his emotions is dead. I liked the way his campaign worked but I agree with another commentator that the IED was set off by Kathy was because she realized that her lover, wasn't.

Please have a pleasant woman major who isn't at all beautiful forge a new marriage with him. Beauty has a tendency to self-serving.

You need to ignore people like twentyseven. This is a solid story told in the voice of a military man... maybe to subtle a distinction for many.

Anyway, looking forward to chapter two.

Five stars

This is Sparky's second contribution. The first was very good and there

was no wimp out.

Ignore the negatives. You are good! Keep writing and us Veterans will keep reading! There needs to be a voice of common sense and right and wrong even in these kinds of stories. You are one of the few that still have it and write about it. Thanks!!!

great story but sad that it could and has happened to a soldier hoping to see the next chapter soon

Well written. Good character development. Am looking forward to the next installment.

I hope the 2nd part comes soon. This story has a good start. Your writing seems to give the mans perspective on things. Maybe write a bit more on how the daughter sees things. Just my thought. Keep the stories coming they are pretty good.

Ridiculous unrealistic story. You don't know shit about anyone who has just left serious combat. Why make the major such a pussy, standing outside the hotel room casually waiting while his wife is getting fucked? The characters are not believable. For example , a 15 year old wouldn't talk like that to her mother. And who needs a story with no sex? Do us all a favor and don't do a part two.

I had (wrongly) assumed we would be treated to 2-3 weeks of our hero giving hell to his two new enemies. Now, I fear, he will have time to forgive. CMS will need to do some cleaver writing to get me to accept RAAC.

Ive said it before: having lived near military bases that were in rural areas, during times of heavy deployment, I can promise you...if you were ever a soldier at war, she cheated. You are not the exception because there wasn't one.

This is pure fantasy though...fun, but soulless. The wife in particular is poorly written.

She spent six romantic months with the guy, but still loves Bob. She is screwing him even after getting caught, but hopes to save the marriage. She neglects her daughter for months, but is crushed at destroying her family. She is whatever you need her to be for THAT scene, so she never feels like a character.

So far this is a good story. Please don't blow it. Keep it real.

Don't write the guy forgiving her. She kept on fucking the guy even after they'd been discovered. There is no forgiveness for this shit.

I like the story but part 2 should be about the daughter try to get her family back together

I hope the guilty continue to pay for their mistakes. BTB!

Really looking forward to the remaining installments.

This part was good, and I've high expectations for the next part. His wife despite what she did in the press conference, she said she felt alone when he go away...She JUST forget she had a daughter to support her...The Ex-Mayor deserves a worst fate than the talibans...

Just forgot in the previous comment that she wanted his forgiveness, but stayed with her lover and still was fucking him...How could she be so stupid?

If your cheating wife calls and asks for her birth control pills...

It's over, there's no man who would forgive after that.

I really like this story and I do see a Window here. She may have her pills but. Did she use them? Maybe she was at his house but she was distraught and refused sex or contact. I can't see destruction of her here, maybe for him. But this will be a long healing process no matter how you slice it. Make some use if the veterans here. I see a good story here. Watch your spelling and grammar. Their like huge speed bumps.

I have to agree about reconciliation; the fact that she kept screwing her lover even after her husband was home is a killer. If she was truly sorry the affair started she would have stopped after being caught. You don't try to reconcile while the affair is still in progress.

Forget the sex part of the affair. Here are two excerpts from the same conversation that Bob and wife had:

..........

Bob: " . . . in a little while someone will show up and serve you with divorce papers."

Wife: "Why Bob, I don't want that."

..............

Bob: "Are you going to marry him?"

Wife: "I don't know, we've talked about it."

........................

Okay, so wife doesn't want a divorce, but has talked to her lover about getting married to him. That tells you everything. You don't even need to get to the sex. When a spouse is talking to somebody else about marrying them, the marriage is over.

Can there be anything more evil than a spouse that fucks someone else while you're gone to war?

I understand loneliness. But I also understand fidelity. So my question stands.

They never go away.

I hope there is a second chapter. I hope they find a way to reconcile. Maybe part two is told a little bit through the woman's eyes. We can hate her, but once our major gets home we can sort of start to root for her too. Let me go on.

There was love there once. He goes back to Afghanistan. He comes home; he's sad, lonely, broken internally but stalwart on the surface. He's a major. Here's the real poop. In the military his next step up is Lieutenant-Colonel; after that it's usually out. He returns to full time civilian life at his old job. He dedicates himself to his daughter. His ex-wife moves close to where he and their daughter live. She dedicates herself to the retrieval of her family. It's all uphill, a lost cause.

Come on; we're Americans, we're all saps for the lost cause. It's Waterloo, the Alamo, Correigidor, Thermopolae, Five Forks, Appomattox all over again. Let her have her shot.

Sure we readers hate her. Her daughter hates her. Her mother-in-law hates her. But she never quits, she never gives in to despair. She fights for the thing she ruined. Her ex-husband tries to keep his daughter on an even keel. He has to defend his unfaithful wife to a daughter and other family. He proves to be the 'stand tall' lone wolf out in the streets defending the worthless whore against a righteously angry mob of friends and in-laws. Only he can do it!

If he's a man; I mean a real man he'll eventually see a way to reconcile. It won't be pretty. It won't be easy, but he could make it happen. He gets help. He discovers the former mayor was a real player. He gets counseling. What does he want? I mean really want? Our major has the ability to show compassion. Will he spend the rest of his life proud and lonely, wondering if he could've...should've...you know, or does he strip himself bare and risk it all again. Is he courageous enough to try again? I think he just might be brave enough and strong enough to give her another chance. He's not a spineless wimp; he's a nervy gutsy man, a real man. Once more into the breach!

Come on Callmesparky give the major the chance to not cross this off but actually face down the devil.

Sparky, you are a scillful writer, so keep on sharing.

But you should work a little on better character development and consistency:

The wife's actions - her whole character - were totally unrealistic. First thing she tells her daughter she needs: birth control pills! Which wife at least a little bit repentend would do that? In her talk with her husband intended to convince him to take her back, she not only tells him that she had continued to have sex with her adulterous lover (which wife trying to reconcile would do any of this - continue the affair and telling her husband about the continuation? Totally unbelieable, it happens maybe in Matt M. stories, but not anywhere else), but she furthermore does not deny that she loves that slimy politician. What does she expect? And during her affair she did nothing to hide her doing, she even provokes her daughter to rat her out. Or what did she expect of her daughter while flaunting her adultery and neglecting said daughter? This all makes not the least bit of sense to me from her POV. Did she do it on purpose to get rid of her family?

Is the 2nd part already submitted? If not, think about believable explanations. But please do not resort to some hormonal disbalance or strange other diseases I have found in some LW stories.

4* depite the above. (Please take my comments as constructive critics.)

I sure hope this isn't one of those pathetic reconciliation stories, when the hero forgives his cheating wife and swallows all of the humiliation she handed out. The one thing she wants back is her comfortable lifestyle and standard of living.

I began reading this story because of its high score. I soon found that high score was unwarranted. The writing style is amateurish. The conversations are unrealistic; people don't talk that way. The dialog is written like a story, not in sentence fragments and choppy as people really talk. Because there is so much talking, it really is a distraction. The actions and reactions of the main characters are unimaginable. Sentence punctuation was poor and made for difficult reading.

I'm sorry this is so negative, but I guess the high rating made me anticipate this as a winner. It is not.

Maybe checking out your skilled dialogue work will help sparky improve.

Huh? Nothing there.

hurry up with chapter 2

The story was good and to the people (question) who did not like it ---SCREW YOU. I was in the military are saw the women who did this shit. Jody was always around I go back to the Viet Nam days and these skank woman still cheat. A woman is the life support system for a cunt. Some are worst than others

Wish these B.T.B. stories would be put in the non erotic where they belong.

Shut the fuck up, and take your cuck ass wimp cum sucking stories to fetish where they belong or the better place the trash.

Now go suck the cum outta your wife's ass girly girl.

This is a great loving wives story.

5 stars

it will be interesting how the rest of the story goes. i almost want him to take her back just so i can read the reviews of everyone flipping out. but their is something i dont get. why in these stories the husband always tries to get his kids to be nice to his ex. their mother. i think this is bullshit. in real life it has been my experience that both the father and the mother will do any thing they can to lay the blame on the other one. yet in the "loving wives" world the father always goes out of his way to help the ex with her relationship with the kids.

Reconciliation?

I do not see how that could happen.

She was telling everyone that she was getting a divorce.

She was talking with her lover about marrying him.

While she was out of the house after her husband came back she asked for her birth control pills, because she was still having sex with her lover.

How do you get back when you have gone too far?

i know things like this happen,,,,both r low down SOBs,,,,we all love sex but fuck them 2

Great story and surprisedly great reviews. Constructive reviews and praises. Yes we had some stupid comments as always. Carvoli skhp and navigator stood outbas some of the outstanding reviews for this story.

Now in my humble opinion I am not sure reconciliation can be achieved due to betrayal before and especially after Armageddon. The second part i hope show her side more so with her struggle to achieve some type of relationship with her daughter and soon to be ex husband.

Final note regarding the press conference. Wife did not apologize to daughter well. Wonder if she truely contrite.......

Basically, you have one of three routes: reconciliation, a failed attempt at reconciliation on her part, and he moves on to finding a new love.

<P>

Reconciliation: I have to agree with the prevailing trend that too much has happened. She was too much into the mayor. She was neglecting her daughter too much. The very fact she had morning after pills indicate it wasn’t the affair that troubled her, it was him finding out. Her “just let me explain and you’ll understand” was bullshit. All it explained was that the only person she loved, that she loves, is herself.

<P>

Her attempting a reconciliation: The problem with that is it would be little more than rehashing this chapter minus his actions on finding out what was going on. It would be redundant.

<P>

Him moving on: Hmm, maybe, but the story, as far as his life with her is concerned, is pretty much complete. Unless you want to draw out the details, that could have been covered by a few paragraphs in this chapter. You provided what was going on, her so-called explanation, his reaction, and the end of the marriage. A few paragraphs of how he was able to get over her and remarry years later could have sufficed. Maybe you want to do a counterpoint, having him hook up with a female soldier whose husband did the same thing to her.

<P>

A few more points.

<P>

As an FYI, when one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

<P>

When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

<P>

To the person who wrote “Anonymous FLC”, who the hell are you talking to? There are anonymous and non-anonymous stories taking the same stance. You’re the only one who has a problem with others daring to have a different opinion.

FLC is a well known critic of non cuckold stories and feels all stories of this type belongs elsewhere on this site. The anon below my post is a FLC wannabe.

FLC being

Front

Line

Caster

aka bull cum sucker.

In my long military career I saw this scenario and it's many forms hurt a lot of guys. I even lived thru a similar case. Thank You for broaching the subject and writing a good story with it. In this day and age it seems that it is happening a lot more often to a lot of good men and women who's only fault seems to be a sense of duty to their country. Anyway, good read and am waiting for the next chapter.

By the way, in my experience some do resolve their problems and " win", a lot don't and Lose but all pay a price that is really too great for one persons personal satisfaction. Thanks.

. . . raw emotion and an honest approach to writing a story about this sort of situation. Well done.

I understand that many people enjoy reading non-erotic tales about marital strife and divorce. For the life of me, I don't understand why all of these stories (and it seems there are at least 3-5 per day) need to be placed in Loving Wives. This site has a Non-Erotic category that seems like a perfect fit for this theme. There is no "extra-marital fun, swinging or sharing" in this story, so why was it placed here?

This is the same, standard paint-by-numbers tale that we see dozens of times every week. It is filled with overdone cliches: the hero husband, the soulless shrew of a wife who can't control her hormones, the argument between husband and wife where hubby is as cool as a cucumber, the meeting with the divorce lawyer, long and boring discussions about divorce and child custody laws...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Sorry, I fell asleep for a minute. I get it. I really do. If you've been divorced and/or if you've been the victim of a cheating wife, these stories must bring you comfort in some strange way. But why -- WHY -- must you come to this category to get your daily fix of vicarious revenge? And how many times can you read the same, long, boring story over and over again before you get your fill?

You can argue (and I'm sure someone will) that wife-sharing stories are equally as repetitive. The difference is that some people (not you!) find those stories erotic, and therefore they belong in this category. NO ONE finds stories of divorce and child custody laws erotic.

I'll now sit back and wait for all the usual one-bombs and comments from the annonies, attacking my character because I dare to express an opinion that doesn't match theirs. "Go slurp cum from your wife's asshole, you whiner." Blah, blah, blah. The comments are as simplistic and repetitive as the divorce stories themselves! Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Great story....I gave it a 5....however, if you are going to get him injured in battle and his wife shows up to take care of him and they reconcile.....forget it.....

I sense forgiveness in the air.

if so this 5 star rating will turn to 1 star for that part..

hopefully this writer is a man and not a wimpy, willing cuck as a most auto-bio writing wimpy cuacks in LW are. I have little faith in LW story tellers.

and the typically corrupt politician mayor, which is the rule rather than exception, should suffer severely.

5 Star***** for this part.

I like this story to continue , it can evolve a number of ways, life goes on. It is what it is ,? I can't see him reconciling but stranger things have happened. How weak was she to let that happen and so blatant in your face.

That's a military term and thats how this should play out. He has to leave them wallowing in pain and suffering. A little of the mayors' blood wouldn't hurt either. Think I will wait to give you a rateing

I really hope there is none. Getting shot at and trying to stay alive with only your family as being the reason that moves you toward, then you find out your wife is stepping out on you!!!!

On the writing,when bob talks to the reporter he is talking anonymously about 'another soldier' then suddenly is,talking about himself...and the reporter was in hid unit so likely would recognize his wife,so anonymity made no sense....

I can see the RAAC plot now - major takes on the Taliban, gets shot up, his loving wifey comes over to Germany to help him rehab, and all is forgiven. PLEASE don't do this author! A JPB or PapaToad wife would be realistic - all her hubby's fault for going off and leaving her alone and he is too mean for hurting the poor mayor's career...

I do believe that she is sorry, but probably only for getting caught.

Love the story and cannot wait for the next chapter. I came home from sea when I was in the Navy and found out that my lady was bumping uglies with someone I thought was my best friend. Can't imagine what it would be like to have a teenage kid call and tell me to come home because mom was stepping out but I'm sure it has happened.

Enjoying the story!!

Hurry back.

BTB! Good writing and story thus far. Anxiously await the next chapter (s). Cheers!

Would love to see the 'shit' politician get DISCUMTESTICLE-ATED asap.(all those bloody parasites should be) Looking forward to part2.

but looks like a reconciliation ending.

I usually don't like the scorned soldier tale, it's sadly become too cliched and almost Walter Mitty for many authors. This however was very well done. You delivered a succint and evocative tale with panache. Bravo.

is to have him run for, and win the special election for mayor. His daughter can perform the tasks of first lady as the ex looks on from a distance.

She removed her rings.

She was with another man in public.

She ignored her daughter when the daughter's father was in harms way.

She told people she was getting divorced.

She talked to her lover about marriage.

She slept with her lover after being caught.

For him to forgive her, without a hell of a lot more remorse, contrition and change, wold make me fear like hell for the security of the United states of America.

with Carvohi having a go at this guy? We all get that this faithless, backstabbing woman who betrays her husband and neglects her own daughter is not worth fighting for, but I feel like I need a sarcasm shower after reading that comment.

is because there is no way of giving it 10! A true BTB story, but the sad thing is that this has happened time and time again for the last 10 years, and Desert Storm before that, and Vietnam before that all the back as far as you want to go. Wives think they are so lonely, so forgotten, and want to be pitied. So "Jody" comes along, says kinds words, gives a nice warm smile, and before long, he's porking the serviceman's wife, or the servicewoman's husband. Can't wait for Pt. 2. Please don't make us wait. I don't see any reconciliation in their future.

LOL, she's sorry, and it isn't what he thinks it is, but she's obviously NOT going to stop fucking the Mayor or else she wouldn't need her birth control pills!

He's going back to war with "burning anger in his heart." That's the kind of emotional upset that distracts people in combat and gets them killed.

And he really needs to get some of his military friends to start keeping an eye on his daughter. Because nobody seems to know where the ex-mayor whose friends threatened his loved ones has disappeared to.

She doesn't want a divorce, yet they've talked about marriage?

How did she expect to get married without a divorce?

And I agree, no need for part 2, the way this part ended part 2 looks like a RAAC, and it's not deserved.

Actually happened to a buddy of mine. Of course it wasn't the mayor but h had to fly home halfway through our deployment to divorce a cheating wife. Five ***** because that's the most I can give.

Your original premise was okay--soldier boy is horribly betrayed by who he left behind, daughter catches on, mayhem ensues. But. Stay with me on this, because this IS constructive criticism, it's....stilted and contrived.

"Poor but hardworking farmboy is beaten out for the prom queen by the decadent rich kid and only years later she realizes what and who she lost..."

Now, tell me that's not the premise of this story, other than the daughter contacting Major Dad in the middle of his deployment and oh, by the way? SOOOOO not happening, that "midterm" leave to the land of the round doorknobs failing a loss of a REALLY close loved one--mother, father, son, daughter, like that.

You would have kept my attention past page one had that been the case, But it wasn't, was it?

Ooooh. Want a "real time" feeling for what it really IS like?

Do this: go to a recruiter. Sign up for the United States Army. Infantry, if you're REALLY serious about your "craft". Survive the next 16 weeks and the following couple of years. NOW you can talk about "Army" and be remotely believeable in the doing.

By the by, IF and when you grow nads enough to do the Infantry Basic thing, tell Sergeant First Class Bradshaw I FIXED his personal issue similar to what you were trying to portray in your story...NO, not how you'd think--she left him with a seriously balanced divorce settlement. Just saying.

You can do better. Research and next time use an enlisted swine, perhaps? Think about this concept: why does Hillary Clinton stay with her husband?

Because he's an OFFICER, dolt. And he's going somewhere that minor digressions ARE swept away and become not important, as with old "I did not have sex with that woman" Bill said.

Also: officers are good at...what?

LEADING and planning.

Oh, by the way, I really DID write the book on this--if you define such as Light Infantry Platoon and Company Tactics Field Manual.

In summation:

you can do better. Do some research, and I do NOT mean watching Fox News at night while you sip Chardonnay. (1SG (ret) Cowboy) (Obviously not MY name either, duh? Even while the remainder is correct.

...I was raised military, in a military family...

So I'm torn on this one....

Don't get me wrong, no real man will reconcile with a woman so debasing of everything she said she stood for when she said, "I do". No amount of reasoning, excusing or storytelling will get past that level of betrayal, disloyalty, disrespect and moral poverty of her behavior.

But your portrayal of the wife is too full of improbable mind sets and conflicting thoughts. I have never heard any woman say what she did in answer to the common questions. The only place it ever shows up is in someone's less than realistic dialog, as a device to move the story along at the expense of believability.

Carvohi is a lost cause if he thinks it's romantic for the Major to subsume the hurt, anger and everything else and suck it up to get back together.....and it does happen, sometimes.....but it still almost never works out. She's got no respect, no honor, no morals, no self discipline and no right to happiness. She may not have started that way, but somehow, she got there.

One point.....the Mayor is a politician and accustomed to winning. He won't be able to let this go. He'll have to attempt something to revenge himself against the Major. And he should enjoy a very public castration for the attempt.

The wife will likely make other attempts to reconcile or remediate, but will have to be shown finality and forced to accept the divorce when the Major finally finds another woman and over time, heals, falls in love and re-marries. Sadly, for men of his kind, it will never be as it was for awhile the first time. He'll forever wonder, if his new wife fails to answer the phone, whether or not she's off fucking around behind his back. How they deal with this doubting will define their entire marriage....and in the end their mutual happiness.

The responder that spoke about the 15 year old not talking to her mom that way, is right...., to a degree. The daughter was too adult for her stated age.

But her anger and hurt were pretty right on. I see girls of that age blowing up and dressing down one or the other offending parent pretty regularly. But then, they talk and act like 15 year olds, not 32 year olds. You might want to work on that.

I disliked the too frequent and incorrect use of question marks.

And try reading your dialog out loud; it will change for the better. Because if it doesn't sound right to the ear, it isn't right in the story. People just don't talk like some of your dialog. I know, I know, you're trying to tell a story, move it along, etc., etc.. So spend more effort in editing, so it comes off more realistic. It ain't rocket science, it's just people. And yes, some things will become ungainly for it, but the result will still be better.

Also, you might do a little research into real military divorce cases. You might be surprised at what you find there. But any divorce records, if you can also get some background, might prove eye opening.

For example, the wife, once accepting that she's out, decides to go all scorched earth on her estranged husband, drives to change the terms of the divorce....and against all likely hood gets her way. Sometimes criminally so. That might make for some interesting material.

She has to lose in the end, because the crime was so public, political, so blatant and so stupid. In many, many less public cases, she wins.....which is why there are so many angry, bitter men walking around out there.

But, that never stopped some women in trouble doing something even more stupid.....and having to pay for that, too.

And please don't reduce her to a fawning, begging shadow. Honest regret almost never happens except in rare moments of honest reflection. And trust me, such is extremely rare in that type of person.

I only spent 26 years on active duty, and, Yes - it did include time in a war. Cheating is CHEATING and should NOT be condoned. She deserves EVERYTHING she gets for CHEATING! BURN IN HELL - it is of your own making!

if he comes back in a basket, just a couple a eyes and a brain with a lot of life support tubes sitting on the mantle-piece while she fucks her lovers in front of him.

Otherwise it'll be dreary as all fuck. 2*

This is a solid 4.5. BUT! This has all the look and feel of reconciliation where he gets wounded in Afghanistan, probably severely enough for a coma, comes home and is nursed back to health by slut wife. Love re-affirmed, etc and so forth. I'll bet a genuine electronic Literotica nickel on this. Major frothing at mouth for Part 2.

Also, the title referral to him as a hero. And the attempt to threaten his family and the apparent disappearance of the disgraced mayor. I would expect a Chapter 2 to involve mayhem, either foreign or domestic.

Oh my gosh. This was the most boring story I have ever read. This is supposed to be about sex -- not sad drama. You need to write children's story. This was a cure for insomnia. How boring......zzzzzzzzz

Damn, I hope this is not the case here. As typical of most politicians in today's world, Mayor bob is a true coward.

Okay, I'll accept her being lonely, and going to some functions with the Mayor.

But using her maiden name and taking off her wedding rings?! Red flag warning!

And I'll accept ONE fuck. But then she goes out with him AGAIN? And again without rings? And tells the woman she's separated and getting divorced?

None of that is consistent with an otherwise devoted wife who simply cracks under the strain of her husband's deployment under pressure from a slimeball.

"Daddy come home, I'm scared."

What 15 yr old would say that and why was she scared? Because mom was blinking some guy? Because she was home alone? Because...wait. Why was she scared? Then for him to pull his daughter out of school and the house and move to his parents could constitute kidnapping by the FBI even though its his kid, he doesn't have sole custody and that roll have serious consequences on his freedom.

There's more issues than just those but I can't stand stories that make up facts.

Engaging storyline. You mention repeatedly how small the community was. Really not that small, if no one knew she was married, or if hubby worked for a large electronics firm, or if there having charity balls at 11 story hotels. Just seemed like an unnecessary characteristic to keep including. Four stars from me.

I am looking forward to reading the next chapter.

ok ..

1. if this is a new Author on Literotica & not an old hound using a new profile ..then i have to say welcome & congrats on having the courage to write & post stories here.

2. if you are a new Author , then congrats again for such good 1st efforts.

literotica readers area tough crowd , and this genre has the hardest critics to attempt to please & appease.

yeah the story has a few glitchs , yeah maybe a few of the statements don't add up.

& yes maybe with some proof readers & editorial help the whole thing could have been revised / tightened up .....

BUT , in general , the dialogue is good , the plot works , the storyline is fine.

the protagonists are solid & well developed.

its well written & enjoyable.

ty for sharing it with us.

xxxhugsxxx

But I didn't find it very erotic.