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English
quickie
Short, hot and sweet! Instant boner. Keep it up.
1*
First and, hope, last
Join Dumb__Hubbie..
on the long walk on the short pier.
Slooowwww dowwwwwn
Man, it felt like you wanted to get this story posted as quickly as possible, as if you were only minutes from the deadline. Slow down. Take your time. Give us some detail.
I had to scroll up just now to see if you even told us the wife's name. Unless I missed it, you didn't. We know nothing about her. We don't know what she looks like, we don't know what her personality is like, and we don't know her motivation or feelings about fucking another man. Without knowing any of that, it's impossible for the reader to form a connection with the character.
Even the sex scene was rushed. By the time hubby got to the room, they were already fucking like rabbits. He missed the foreplay, the slow reveal of flesh and everything else that makes the experience so exciting.
I encourage you to continue writing. Next time, include some background and dialog between the characters and let the plot unfold slowly and naturally.
Not Enough
Too much like wham bam thank you ma'am, without the wham, even.
Awesome!
Great first post which read like the telling of a fond memory to a very close friend. I look forward to reading more from you. Thanks for sharing this sexy post. :)
Way to rushed, first timers mistake
Rushing the story is a normal first time mistake. Others have pointed this out. You will also notice the number of Anon trolls who hang out here and put down and name call every story on here. So you can ignore them. I encourage you to try a few more stories, but before you do read a few that really turn you on. Then break down what it was that turned you on? Then work those items into your story.
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