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Danielle's Little Secret

bywalterio©
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by Anonymous

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by OzRobert09/20/14

Good idea but..

I liked the concept; swinging couple have fun with a transsexual, but I found the writing a little stilted and the dialogue wooden. While realism isn't a major factor in erotic tales, the conversations should have some air of naturalness about them. I don't think anyone says
"I like them and I like to fuck her in the ass."
Why not
"I like them. I like fucking her ass"
Not a big change but enough to make it sound like actual dialogue.
The sex, too, was underdescribed. Some more detail of what the participants were feeling rather than just the mechanics of who's doing what to whom would have helped the story.

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by voucher77609/21/14

I agree with OzRobert

It's not the mechanics of sex that is exciting; its how it feels, are they driven or repelled, the mood of the surroundings.
the lube lay on the cracked table top; it was none too clean. --- shit like that

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