The Truth Ch. 06

ending not as good as the journey

Interesting story and concept, but I must say that i was disappointed in the ending. I enjoyed the journey but not the conclusion. It left me feeling disturbed that this was Olivia's lot or fate after all that took place. Part of me was expecting or at least hoping you would have let her find a way out even if it meant that she was changed as a person (free but feral, not a slave but vivacious and insatiable) , because what she basically succumbed to was not so much a cult but a human trafficking scheme which is a terrible reality for many young girls these days. Would have loved to see her take down this riff-raff while she perhaps had an awakening... where were her co-reporters in all this? no failsafe for a rescue? just some of those things were in the back of my mind as I came to the story's sad conclusion. However, I will say that your writing was well done, descriptive, use of imagery was varied and never really dull.

:(

damn

I love this story I came time and time again reading this story

noice

the whole thing and ending was wonderful :)

I thought she'd make it :(

I very much enjoyed this sexy well-paced story.

I do not agree with those who found it repetitive or slow; I thought you captured the subtle gradual conquest of Olivia extremely well.

I do have two suggestions. First, it is hard to explain Olivia's disappearance from the job for several months; her editor, if no one else, would have come looking for her or explain to the insurance company what happened to one of his employees. As an alternative you could have the cult "smuggling" stories out under her by-line or her writing stories and then have the cult intercept and re-write them. Then you could have used her finding out as an added device resulting in her submission, both because she knew she would not be rescued and because, as she later reads the stories, she realizes the cult understands exactly how she feels.

Second, I thought Billy describing her as a bimbo to her seemed out of place. The cult had used only positive terms to describe her condition; I thought the word bimbo was out of place and a bit jarring.

These, of course, are only my thoughts; they may not fit your purposes, preferences, or style. Feel free to make what use of them you see fit. And, again, a heck of a story.

Two criticisms

1. There is a fairly obvious plot hole. The story never explains who sent the video to Olivia. Obviously no one in the cult did it, as they had to use that green truth serum liquid to find out from Olivia that she's a reporter. Not sure how to fix this. You could have Olivia simply infiltrating the cult on her own initiative without the video--but then you'd lose that scorching hot scene with Apara getting conditioned. Or you could have the cult luring Olivia to them deliberately--but then you'd lose the incredibly hot scene, maybe the hottest one in the story, where they use the serum to get Olivia to tell them what she's up to.

2. My second criticism is subjective. While I loved, loved, loved the mind controlling and subjugation of Olivia, I did not so much care for the very last scene, in which she is rendered non-verbal and just about non-sentient, a living sex doll. I think it's hotter for mind control victims to remain alert and aware to what's happened to them. Not to mention that turning her into a sex doll deprives the cult of Olivia's services as a recruiter and author of the cult's blog and PR, and it doesn't jibe with the earlier comments about possibly making her matriarch, and none of the other women in the cult are reduced to non-sentient status. I guess we are meant to conclude that Olivia is particularly susceptible to the programming, but I still think it would have been hotter for the story to end with Olivia fully enslaved and a believer in the High Truth, but still functional and still luring in unsuspecting girls.

Those two comments aside--my God, this is the hottest story I have read in years. So hot, so sexy. So confidently written. Really just a magnificent work from beginning to end. The writer really should write more stories in the mind control field.

I must confess, I'd hoped for a more surprising ending—an escape, a Pyrrhic victory where the cult is destroyed but too late to save Olivia, even a reveal that even the men of the cult are under someone's sway. I dunno, something more than "Yeah, it sucks to be her". But that's largely a personal gripe.

This was a very enjoyable story, that's for sure! Don't get me wrong, I loved it. You've a gift for writing hypnosis and submission. I was just hoping for more twists in the plot.

Pacing and individual tastes.

People have different tastes, and that has a lot to do with the differing opinions about the story's pacing.

What I'm partial to is the struggle as she slowly loses herself, fighting for less and less until her last shred of will is trying to make her want to resist.

Since that's what I was enjoying, I liked the slow pace. For most of the story she was trying to fight the conditioning, but losing every battle. For that reason, the ending wasn't that exciting for me, though I wasn't bored reading it.

What LC Said

Lustful summed it up great. It's a really well-written story and the sex scenes are plenty fun, but it doesn't have any real challenge to it. A spiral of constant losses works better for a one-shot than a six-part series. In the latter, the edge (hee) tends to wear off, leaving many stricken by boredom. Even one small victory—however fleeting—would've tapered things a bit and kept things interesting.