Nice story, but i wanted more. But like my father taught me int restaurant business, "always leave them wishing there was one more bite."
great story. a couple typos but not enough to distract the reader. now that the boys are clean, what are they going to do about their clothes? perhaps they both can keep mom busy while they're in the washer!
Could have been a five...but too many careless errors. Read the last sentence slowly. The word you wanted was lifted. But the gist of it is good. Keep writing !
This is a good start but needed some editing. Loved the ending.
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Nice but
Nice story, but i wanted more. But like my father taught me int restaurant business, "always leave them wishing there was one more bite."
nice lead in
great story. a couple typos but not enough to distract the reader. now that the boys are clean, what are they going to do about their clothes? perhaps they both can keep mom busy while they're in the washer!
4*
Could have been a five...but too many careless errors. Read the last sentence slowly.
The word you wanted was lifted.
But the gist of it is good. Keep writing !
Good start
This is a good start but needed some editing. Loved the ending.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Fall Folly or
More submissions by writesformary.