All Comments on 'The Phillips Family Curse Ch. 01'

Excellent buildup.

Aunt and Mom are my favorite contestants for now,

but i suspect that Grandma will turn out to be the

most cunning of them all.

They are the only normal-sized females there, so they'll be more like Sandy.... maybe Grandma.....she's the biggest barrier to all the others, so Jesse would be ripe for her to pick off. All the others are so BIG titted and overtly horny it scares Jesse (and me). About page 5 I realized I rarely read incest stories where there was no sex, just warm-up for that long.....but now I am waiting for the next installment and hoping the Creep Twins will emerge victorious!! LOL

I am actually rooting for him to resist, but I am not sure he can after his sister's last comment. I mean seriously what guy could resist the chance to knock up his sister if she looked like you described Dana. I think he needs to set his phone to record the conversations when these women corner him and then play them back for the husbands and fathers and he should tell them they need to get in shape and they could be enjoying all that attention from all the women in the family.

a man hormone make him tap all those women in a heart beat.too much will power.

i think it would funny as fuck if he took the car and left them there all alone.then they can come to him only to find out that he has moved to a new city.

I cant wait for the nect chapters! So glad you are still writing!

Loving the story so far, and really looking forwards to seeing where you will take this. Though i have to admit that I am hoping that it is either the twins or Dana that leaves the reunion with a new guy at their/her beck and call.

...but I am proceeding with caution.

I'll start by saying you did a fantastic job of building arousal and sexual tension. Very enjoyable to take in how everything is brewing in this 8-page installment. What I also thought you did particularly well was portraying a diverse, memorable cast of numerous characters. Between the mom, aunt, cousin, sister, creepy twin cousins and grandma, I was concerned about getting confused by the sheer volume of characters who happened to be busty, over-sexed, and pining for the main character. So, with all that, well done. Busty females are one of my favorite tropes in porn/erotica, so there's a lot of eye candy. More than that, the story feels very fun thus far, and fun is good.

But I am proceeding cautiously. I am detecting similarities between this story and another recent series of yours I read called "You Couldn't Handle Me." Aside from the insanely attractive, busty female family members jonesing for the main character, you have two other similarities: 1) alpha females who want to dominate the main character and conquer him with their sexuality, 2) constant comparisons to the inadequate, flat chested girlfriend -- and I suspect, a desire by those female characters to sadistically defeat and do damage to the poor girlfriend by replacing her and breaking her heart.

I know these themes are staples in your stories, and you provide those disclaimers very clearly. At the same time, disclaimers don't absolve a writer from receiving feedback and criticism, so I hope some of these comments are useful. After all, despite my own distaste for some of your themes, you're entitled to enjoy your own tendencies. Beyond that, I note these similarities because it amounts to some caution I have for sinking into this story. Aside from the teasing and conflict you do very well, I noticed in "Handle," for example, that you kind of went overboard with it, to the point where it slowed momentum. Like, if chapter two of this story comes out, and it's a 12 pager of more teasing and no culmination, there's a point at which this becomes dissatisfying. Pace is important in a story, and hypothetically, it would've made sense if, in chapter one, the main character hooked up with one of his family members, and this continued throughout the chapters. Instead, I was left with an unclear sense of whether or not this story was even moving forward. You did a fantastic job of planting a lot of seeds, but you do occasionally have to tend to those seeds. Otherwise, you run the risk of losing momentum, and ultimately, reader interest. I'm not suggesting you aren't getting there, but I'm noting that with such a large cast, you've got more to tend to, and you might want to consciously tend to them a bit more steadily than you've been doing.

Additionally, because I disliked the dominant, un-compassionate mom from "Handle," I'm sensing that this story has an abundance of similarly aggressive women. Again, it's one thing for that to be a theme of yours, but my feedback is that, in this story, it amounts to a lack of variety and a lack of differentiation between this story and others you've written. In short: all the horny women can indeed be competing for the hero's attention, but they don't all have to have the same approach, or goal. The mom, aunt, and sister all seem to be these relentless, unsympathetic sex drones, and it feels like overkill. There's no breather from this. If you're going to boast a diverse cast, then make them diverse. Otherwise, it doesn't seem like you're trying something new and challenging yourself as a writer (or giving us something new as readers). I'm sensing that the story will travel the route of this hero being drowned by these women to the point of making him guiltily unsympathetic toward his girlfriend, which for me, makes me enjoy the story less. My feeling is that the hero can have his fun romps with these different family members without being brainwashed into sadistically thinking ill of his girlfriend. Again, it's fine if that's a theme you enjoying writing, but you're missing out on an opportunity to inject some variety--and ultimately, MORE conflict--if these women had slightly different personalities and MOs. It feels a bit one-dimensional. Even the girlfriend trope feels a bit one-dimensional. We all have this idea that cheating is wrong, but what if the girlfriend had her own flaws (and no, being mammary-challenged isn't a flaw)? If he loved his girlfriend, but the girlfriend was a little overwhelming, the hero might be more inclined to embrace female attention by one of his family members. That still heightens conflict. You still have the moral, "will he or won't he?" question while balancing the overall tone. If you write 20 stories that all revolve around crushing some poor, unsuspecting girl, readers start wondering why this is something you gravitate toward.

Part of this is definitely my preference. I tend to enjoy stories a bit more when the pairings are a bit more reciprocal and compassionate. While I don't mind horny female characters who are a bit aggressive, the story seems to have too many of them. The one female (aside from the hilariously creepy twins -- well done, by the way) who is the slightest bit different and sympathetic is Kendra. She has a more "fun" dynamic with the hero, and it's a nice break from the others. Not only that, but it provides a nice balance compared to the aggression I detected elsewhere. That said, I detect that she, too, is being eclipsed by and assimilated by the others. My advice would be to not ignore Kendra as a different character, and to maintain one or two pairings that are different from an emotional standpoint. Otherwise the story gets to be tiresome and repetitive. If all the female characters are essentially the same person with different age, hair color, a bust size, you're not really writing characters or achieving tension at that point.

All that said, you write very, very well. The story is fun, funny, and succeeds in heightening arousal in a gradual way that feels great! Knowing your tendency toward the above mentioned themes, however, I would personally advise caution into making this story too similar to "Handle" and others. It's one thing to write what you enjoy, but I almost wonder if it's holding back this story from accomplishing something more. You write conflict and tension very well, but if you've got five or six females who all want the same thing, and who go about it in the same way, the conflict becomes more bland, repetitive, and one-dimensional. I really get the sense you're enjoying the character variety, but you might be struggling with the balance.

I make no secret that I'm not a fan of the sadism and overly dominant females, but this story seems to want to be more fun and balanced than, for example, "Handle." I'm sensing that it might be collapsing and morphing into a story you've already written (only with more females), so I hope some of this feedback is meaningful. Definitely not intended to come across as "Write the story I want, bitch" kind of message. Even though I enjoy more compassionate dynamics, I do enjoy your writing. I think I'd enjoy them more if you revisit this idea of balance with the female characters, but that's just me.

My (long) two cents, but thanks for another great story. Keep up the good work.

Even though you point it out many times, that your suggestions are based more on your tastes, it doesn't mean that we will take your comment more seriously. You said early on that the author is not above criticism when he mentions exactly what the story's theme is in the disclaimer, and you're right. Except, he is above receiving complaints about changing themes that he mentions in the disclaimer. Its in the disclaimer, you know what you're getting and you're still complaining. Its like the MPAA warns you that there is nudity and violence in an R rated movie, you see the movie, then complain about the violence and nudity. You eat a meal by a famous chef, then complain there is meat when you're a vegetarian. You are asking him to change the disclaimer and his themes overall. "Handle Me" is actually his most different story of all of them. I still don't get exactly why some people get on this author's case for not writing something differently themed. I guess its cause he's such a good writer to begin with that they wish he would write something more specific to their tastes. But that would be like asking Stephen King to stop writing horror stories with unhappy endings, even though he has written others, he still writes what he wants and loves. And this author isn't Stephen King, he's not trying to be. He's writing what he wants to and has a dedicated audience. I also get why he doesn't add any additional motivation to the cheating sex, its cause its better when there isn't any other motivation other than the slut being just that hot and the idea of it. It takes away from the eroticism and makes it more obvious when the girlfriend/wife is neglectful or nagging or even dumber, cheating on the guy. Really, what is hot about cheating revenge sex when you were beat to it?? I like that he doesn't add extra motivation to cheat, cause it makes the appeal of the seductive sluts that much better, they're just too hot to resist. Also, if you haven't noticed, he probably already wrote the whole story. Looking at the release dates of previous multi-chapter stories by this author, you can see that's what he does, just splits them and submits them days apart to make reading it easier. So giving him advice on characters and where to take the story after this first chapter is kind of not going to go anywhere.

jackal_man:

I appreciate any constructive criticism, and these last few have spurred me to reply.

Firstly, yes, the story is written, and I'm spacing out the releases for every few days, so while it's too late to make any major changes, the feedback is useful for sure in the future.

Are some of the characters samey? Sure, probably, but I did my best to make them distinct, to varying levels of success, it would seem. As with most things, it is work in progress for me, to make more developed, three dimensional characters.

Don't worry, I won't draw this one out much longer. You won't have to wait very long before things get hot and heavy.

As far as some of the consistent themes, yes, I think that comes down to personal preferences. As the last Anonymous commenter stated, the reason that I don't give the guys a reason to cheat is because it is hotter to me that they have no good reason to cheat. They have no justification, the seductress is just that sexy. That's why I try not to make the girlfriends shrill or annoying or bossy or anything like that. They are pretty and sweet and loving and absolutely do not deserve what happens to them.

I appreciate the excellent feedback. Working on mixing things up, creating more variety in stories and characters is a goal, so the feedback is appreciated and welcome. Even though it might have some qualities you don't prefer, I hope you can enjoy the rest of the story. Thanks for the kind words and the criticism.

Cheers for the response, Talkman. Great to get some insight toward your process, and I'm glad some of the comments were helpful. I had a notion the story was already written, so I'm eager to see how it all unfolds indeed! Definitely enjoyed chapter 1, and I enjoy the voice of the prose, so I felt compelled to share my thoughts.

Cheers again, and happy writing.

Waiting for Chapter 2. Thanks for a great story.

Everyday for over a year I check the new stories to see if you have submitted new work because I love it so much. This new series is fantastic. Can't wait for the next chapter.

This is one of the best stories I've ever read here! Erotic and sexy and hot as hell! I can hardly wait until the next part! I'm in a Yogi Bear position right now with my 14 inch cock in my mouth and a squirt gun stuck up my slimy buttholio!

One of your best srories yet. I will be checking everyday for the next chapter to be posted

Would love to read them all at once - I definitely vote up more if I can read the whole story. If you've already written it, would love to see the next part(s) as soon as possible. Great story!

This series has the potential to be better than You couldn't handle me!

For once, you ought to let the girlfriend come out on top. It's just as hot, and not as predictable. Let her cuckold these big boobed bitches.

Um no. Do you really think that's something this author would do? I doubt you are really reading his stories if that's something you want out of them and is a legitimate expectation of yours. And really? As hot as him being seduced? How does sleeping with his own girlfriend count as cuckolding? Its nowhere near as hot and its actually much more predictable in real life, which is why I like that this goes the other direction. Just stick with regular erotic coupling stories.

"We can hang out... tour the city... make babies."

I started rooting for the sister right there. It's like she's kinda trying to be subtle (unlike the others) but is just too horny to be.

I hope we get a the cline's conquers time like thing with it showing us what would happen if they all won. But chances are it's gonna be the grandma.

It's cuckolding all these women who always get what they want by them failing to get it. And the reader by not giving him the ending he wants.

There's more to writing than doing the same rote themes over and over. It gets boring. And don't give me the "it's just porn" excuse.

Great story! I can't wait for part 2. Hopefully he ends up getting them all pregnant by the end of the reunion.

Just a thought: Have the girlfriend finally show up and prove to be a better seducer than his whole family. Specifically, she seduces all the sluts to prove her superiority.

Apparently, there are some readers who think that the protagonist should "cuckold" his family relatives by sleeping with his girlfriend. But here's what Cuckold actually means: cuckold (ˈkʌkəld)

n

1. a man whose wife has committed adultery, often regarded as an object of scorn

vb

2. (tr) to make a cuckold of

So, first, your definition does not apply. And even in the urban sense, cuckolding has nothing to do with a man continuing to sleep with his significant other and no one else is involved. Then even if its reversed, only the girlfriend can be "cuckolded", not the family members who he is not currently dating. So just so we're clear, if you want "cuckolding" then what the hell are you doing here, since he can't turn his family members into cuckolds? Reverse "cuckolding" where its the guy who's in on the action, would be him not screwing his girlfriend but cheating on her. So, again, what the hell are you doing here??

I'm surprised no one has commented on recurring errors: "me and him" instead of "he and I". Minor, but strangely consistent. Otherwise, good writing.

Sorry, I keep commenting. The grammar is interesting but saying something like "me and him" over "he and I" makes sense, since this is a first person narrative and most people do not use proper grammar like that when they talk or think, though they should, they just don't. So I think it makes more sense to use "me and him" and so on.

Where is the next chapter, babe?

I'm really rooting for Dana to win that juicy mmm... Jesse is too damn hot! I'm so excited for the next chapter!

- Clair ;-)

Poor Jesse is gonna explode when all this is done with. Awesome chapter with some amazing buildup. I'm hoping that this build up leads up to some great and lengthy sex scenes. Others may not like it, but I enjoy the dark themes that your stories roll with, so by all means keep it up!

"There's more to writing than doing the same rote themes over and over."

Sorry...but that is a ridiculous argument, and the fact that this it's erotica has nothing to do with it. A writer will write what interests them, and no write is under any obligation to write what doesn't. Stephen King is one of the best selling populist writers of our time and his work often deals with recurring themes...because they interest him. And when he feels like doing something more novel, like, say, a time travel story, he does...because that interests and inspires him. There is no obligation "because he is a writer" to explore ideas or themes that have no appeal to him...that's where souless trite comes from.

I see this argument come up a lot in TheTalkman's comments as if trying to brow beat him into writing what interests the one leveling this "criticism" out of some kind of obligation to the audience, which is just a thin veil for "write what I want to read." Sorry, but that only works in commercial writing where you are paying for a product. In all other writing the work will find it's audience by it's own virtue.

If you do no like the themes, or the fact that they recur...then don't read the stories, because you are not the audience for them. The author is under absolutely no obligation to cater to any tastes but his own. If you feel that your tastes are being underserved, than you should write what you would like to read...not force a writer who is writing what he likes to abandon his muse to pursue your desires, because I garuntee...you will not like what he produces...if he produces anything.

Sorry, but this has the audacious selfishness of some of these comments has been bothering me, given the obvious thought, hard work, and investment of time that goes into these stories. "It would have been hotter if you did the thing I'd like" is not a valid or constructive criticism.

i could not stop reading this. The dramatic buildup is so intense and keeps you wanting more. thank you for sharing with us!

Great opening, very promising!

I root for his sister Dana and horny Aunt Karen.

So I will just say ditto to all previous accolades. One angle to highlight is the wide spanning feminine aesthetic charms highlighted by TheTalkMan from nymphets to women in the September phase of their appeal. I also appreciate their equally diverse angles of bait and switch. The irony of a nineteen year old male who is usually stereotyped as hunter, with role reversal of being hunted is sublime. ,*****

This guy is such a pussy; so into his wonderful abs that make all the girls swoon. He needs to pull his head out of his butt and give as much as he's getting - tease back. Get real, he sounds like a pimple faced, nerdy, high school freshman. He needs to get his brains toned up to match that "magnificent body." He should be the one smirking back at these women.

.. your works. Love the buildup ! Shame you didn't start with the superhero story, but this to working out to be quite a piece !

Why would he not just leave?

Come up with an excuse and go?

I didn't last long. When Aunty put his cellphone between her boobs that was it! Looking forward to reading forward. Also i like how you pay attention to little things in your description( what kind of heels they wear etc). Keep it up:)

Apparently he was never close to anybody in his family, they're just a bother to him. He is really the fucked up one here, I really don't like or feel any sympathy for the main character.

Every woman throwing themselves at him and he does nothing(not even relieve himself)and by the way makes no sense as to why the other men,would just leave when there's all these horny woman around

can understand not wanting to participate in incest but then WTF is the use of writing the story if nothing happens bar him having blue balls

And please no red blooded Male would/could EVER turn down a chance to fuck Twins not matter how weird they are, Its TWINS for fucks sake, every male fantasy

I can't stop laughing

Your writing is very good, but your plot sucks! 8 fucking pages of him complainiung about all the beautiful, busty women in his family begging to fuck and suck him stupid and all he does is complain and run away from them? If I find Ch. 02 following the same course, I'm done... and that would be too bad, this could be an excellent family orgy brewing....

Keep up the good work.

Hey just wanted to say great writing, the way you wrote it makes it so it doesn't seem to strain belief. I don't even know why the other people are complaining the clearly want a brainless jerkoff story like 90% of the content on this website. It's really nice to have someone that actually has writing talent write one of these stories. Keep up the good work, I think I've read all your stories but haven't visited for a while so didn't see the stuff you did in the later have of 2014. Great stuff!

there was this paragraph in page two or three, I think it was when jesse was going to bed, it said something about Helen be pregnant and yet no sex in this chapter.

I'm hoping Jesse won't succumb to the temptation and stay faithful. Engaging story so far

These are some of the THIRSTIEST bitches I've ever read in a story! Too awesome! And I love that our hero is all kinds of flustered over the attention!

I know it's just a story, but for fuck's sake, let's be real.. what kind of red blooded male doesn't want this kind of attention? any normal ones would fuck each of them, so I'm guessing this guy is a fucking bitch faggot who needs to come out of the closet already.

First off, has this guy never heard of jerking off in the shower? Secondly, why does he not wonder why grandma isn't upset over every female member of her family trying to fuck her grandson? Sure, she stops it from happening, but doesn't he wonder why she isn't as freaked out by their behavior as he is?

And as others have pointed out; why doesn't he just leave? The twins asked him for a lift to their hotel, so he has access to a vehicle. Why not just take off for a few hours at least?

Your stories always take some suspension of disbelief, which I love, but this was just a bit much. It could also use a good trimming, but I'm used to that with your stories.

Honestly, I think more than anything this tale is just getting a bit too dark for my tastes. Simple relationship betrayal is more my speed. I want to see his GF cry, not some little kid.

Why is the guy always such a pussy? Some of these situations would be so easy to avoid.

"C'mon, it'll be SO fun. Trust us." Sky Blue said. Not really seeing any excuse to use to get out of this scenario, I had no choice... No choice? :REALLY? how about "No Thanks girls I'm not very observant and I don't make wagers when I know I'm going to loose." That eliminates ALL 3 foot rubs.

I don't know many teenagers that use Alarm Clocks they use their phones. So that would eliminate EVERYTHING else. Even my 77 year old Mother does, and she a tech-illiterate.

Even if by some weird twist of fate it didn't... after the first sext message from Aunt Karen, he could have simply blocked her number, again not a hard thing to do.

This story is totally unbelievable, Why doesn't he just leave? He has so many outs, that are just not being taken, it's ridiculous. But, all that being said. I'm interested enough to continue to read to figure out what this twisted family poor Jesse has been born into and 'forced' to interact with.

The sister sounds like a skank but otherwise a good read so far

Great read so far, I hope Jesse loses his inhibitions soon and starts enjoying his young years and sowing some wild family oats. His wimpyness is getting old.

We are so lucky in Australia where sexual relationships with Aunts and cousins is legal.

5 stars! Thanks for your time and imagination.

I ran across this story again, and I like the way the author writes,

BUT I just kept saying why doesn't he just leave. I know I said it out loud to the screen a dozen times.

After writing my own stories I understand how someone can force his characters to NOT see the obvious to further the story, but when it's so fantastical it makes the story less enjoyable, like here.

There is playing hard to get & there is playing far too stupid to be got. This borders on lunacy, leave, get Grandma to give a lift out of town, OR, do them all regardless of anyone.......

"We can hang out... tour the city... make babies."

That was the line when I fucking lost it and laughed out loud. But, I don't understand why the guy doesn't just... like... leave?

Jesse needs to mature and expand his horizons. I am anxious to find out what the "family curse" is. I have read one other story by this author. He develops the major characters in depth and breath ( physically, emotionally, psychologically and psychiatrically) to an extent that no other author I have read does. His plot is logically constructed. Hopefully the paths that his characters take lead to a truely beautiful, sensitive conclusion. I am a romantic at heart, this author has not disappointed, so far.

In modern age if u dont want to see texts block the number. Other than that like stories

He certainly is an innocent. But, it is easy to see why. Dana is just a bitchy slut who didn't give him a thought until he developed muscles. Mom probably fits in that category too, without the bitchiness. Obviously Kendra and Karen are there too. Karen amd Mom have no seconds thoughts about their husbands, so you know this is not their first time around the lustpole. Also noticed that Sandy barely acknowledged his texts Day 1, then never said she missed him. So, guess he may have misjudged her too and she's getting busy in his absence. Looking forward to the next part.

I completely agree with midatlstoryman. Do the husbands know how are really their wives? Are they also astraying? I like that the MC is trying to resist.