A Surprise Package

interesting start but too short

Editor needed.

The idea is fine but you need somebody to proof read for you. Didn't is not spelt dint and nd is not a shortcut for and. At one stage you became him etc.
All small points meant to help. Keep going.

Disappointed that after the arousing events earlier, you went straight to bed. Seems odd that you would not at least have gotten yourself off before going to sleep.

Good Start***

Looking forward to Chapter 02. Thanks for sharing.

Really would like part 2

You did a fine job look forward to reading so much more..... The story is very teasing and now we have to wait. my interest is heightened...

Thanks for the feedbacks

Hello all..I'm really delighted to read all your comments and happy to put more effort in improving my writing. To be honest this is the first story I ever wrote and your feedbacks are really helping me to write more..see you soon with the surprise package part 2..