I liked the story and seduction. I would revise how many times you use "scoffed" because it is noticeable and it seems like the wrong adjective for what you're trying to illustrate. Otherwise, well done.
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Good job, but...
I liked the story and seduction. I would revise how many times you use "scoffed" because it is noticeable and it seems like the wrong adjective for what you're trying to illustrate.
Otherwise, well done.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Tourist Attraction or
More submissions by CrimsonClown.