Really? Two guys that won't fuck and 18 yo's ass? What a joke in terms of reality...
by
Anonymous10/03/14
Sigh.. That was not too good
Your characters are flat, your dialogue is worse than a comic strip, and there was nothing sexy or even erotic in the story. Aside from that I guess it was okay.
Because of the poorly written dialogue, story is flat and certainly not erotic.
by
Anonymous10/09/14
I get it
This is meant to be humor, and some parts are funny but you repeat the same lines over and over until they become UNfunny. I never want to read the words "anal cherry" again.
by
Anonymous10/09/14
Poorly written, no imagination. Writes like a horny 12 year old.
I loved the Damon Runyon style of stilted dialog. Had me laughing my ass off. The repetition of key catchphrases, and the absurdity of getting an ass fucking on a public street, had me hooked on this little slice of improbability. Five stars all the way!......Carney
I didn't like it. Dialogue falls flat, was too cheesy and read like a badly scripted porno rushing along to get to the opening blowjob scene. I'm sorry, but aside from that. It's fairly fluent and easygoing to read.
English
one star is too much
how badly written was this?
Load of crap...
Really? Two guys that won't fuck and 18 yo's ass? What a joke in terms of reality...
Sigh.. That was not too good
Your characters are flat, your dialogue is worse than a comic strip, and there was nothing sexy or even erotic in the story. Aside from that I guess it was okay.
dialogue horrible ...
Because of the poorly written dialogue, story is flat and certainly not erotic.
I get it
This is meant to be humor, and some parts are funny but you repeat the same lines over and over until they become UNfunny. I never want to read the words "anal cherry" again.
Poorly written, no imagination. Writes like a horny 12 year old.
Loved it! Runyonesque
I loved the Damon Runyon style of stilted dialog. Had me laughing my ass off. The repetition of key catchphrases, and the absurdity of getting an ass fucking on a public street, had me hooked on this little slice of improbability. Five stars all the way!......Carney
I didn't like it. Dialogue falls flat, was too cheesy and read like a badly scripted porno rushing along to get to the opening blowjob scene. I'm sorry, but aside from that. It's fairly fluent and easygoing to read.
Hahahah this is hilarious
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