Witch-Hunter General

Story Elements Braided Together Well

I liked that this was more complex story than bad inquisitor vs. peaceful witches - the real objective was to begin a longer process of opening the monk's mind and the inquisitor was just a tool. Good foreshadowing of Matthew's being manipulated/eventual fate, it made sense without being heavy-handed. I thought Matthew's end was unsatisfying after the build-up. The explanation of it happening in front of his remaining men to give them a chance to change their ways made sense with the overall theme, but I was pretty excited to see him get a deserving end.

I disagree, I think the problem with this story (which is by no means a bad one, for the record) is that's it too clearly an Evil Catholic vs Good Pagans dynamic that never changes, never surprises, and lacks nuance. A few 'graphs in it's already clear that the titular Witch Hunter is a psychopath, a misogynist, a hypocrite, and quite doomed, and that the people of the town will prove to be wiser than the ignorant medievalists in the church. Now you may say, "That's the whole point," and fair enough, but it means that the story has nothing to surprise us with. It's telegraphed. For all the trouble of writing the rest of the pages, most of us will know what happens without even reading them. And the story of the wicked fundamentalist who gets his just desserts is one that I think most of us have seen too often to find as gratifying anymore as it perhaps once may have been in its own right.

Even if we were intent on not changing the hard framework of anything, the story could still succeed (more than it already does, that is, because as mentioned, it's not a bad tale; it's just not a great one either) if we had some suggestion of ambiguity about any of this. What if, for example, the Witch Hunter were genuinely pious in his faith, rather than just using it a cudgel to serve his prejudices? Still wrong, and still dangerous, but at least having some kind of depth to his person. Or what if there were the suggestion of something perhaps frightening about the pagans' ways, rather than just being the wise Na'vi types they are now, with Selene's various "Colors of the Wind" lessons? That sort of thing might give us something surprising or complex without altering the plot much at all. And it would create drama, because the story would become not just a story of bad guys and good guys but also a story of competing worldviews and perspectives. We would be introduced to the idea that while these particular characters may be good or bad, likable or unlikable, that the ideas they embody are bigger than just them and so not as easily or safely defined, which would add some shading and gradation that the narrative presently lacks.

We may also point out that that's where the monk character comes in, and that, as Freya points out, he's the real fulcrum of the story anyway. But in my mind, he's a big part of the problem. His Catholic faith is too anemic and obligatory to be any kind of relevant counterpoint. We know perfectly well he's going to come around by the end of the story, because how could he not? He's such a passive drip about his beliefs that what the hell else could possibly happen? In my mind, he's the story's biggest problem. Sure, the other characters are drawn perhaps too starkly and with too many bright lines, but for all that they're still strong characters. The monk is just kind of a bump on a log.

So that's my take: A good story, but one that puts a lot of limitations on itself.

Decent effort

I liked the story, especially the part at the end where Matthew is confronted with a lifetime of sins committed under the guise of God. The story wove itself well and worked with the setting.

Solid theme through-out. Same, exceptional writing skills I've come to expect from this author. I felt as if she took a well worn trope and spun an interesting tale around it.

Very well done, Ellie. Great creativity, great writing. When I read your stuff, I always feel like I'm watching a movie. Five thumbs up!

Just Wondering ...

... if Selene is two score, and Caspian is nearing thirty years old, why he considers himself older since two score equals forty. Just wondering ...