Let's face it, novelty is a powerful aphrodisiac. The husband is a beta male who is betting his marriage that the comfy old shoe appeal will eventually see them through. This story would take a leap forward if later down the road - the new guy's facade starts to develop some apparant flaws. Single studs are often single and on the market for excellent reasons. Matt Moreau did some strong stories on this theme.
For now, I give the author a lot of credit for writing a hot scene, but look forward to extra developments in plot scheme.
by
Anonymous10/04/14
It's hard to get the most.....
....out of a story with so much editorial noise in it....very distracting.
Please get some assistance.
"Then", suggests immediate time sequence or reference to the past.
I pressed my manhood into her sweet spot THEN plunged all the way in...
"Than", suggests comparison.
My cock is so much bigger THAN hubbie's, she can't stay away for more than a day.
"Your", suggests ownership.
My cock is longer, fatter and harder than YOUR cock.
"You're", is an abbreviation of 'You are'.
YOU'RE too small to satisfy the wifey, cucky. But I can really make her wail.
There were literally dozens of issues of various kinds, these being the most blatant.
As to the story, your portrayal of the ten thousand betrayals of the first-time hotwife, all in elaborate detail seem a little overdone, my personal dislike for this all-too-often-rehashed storyline, notwithstanding.
I'm almost anticipating a three paragraph repetitive treatise on a pimple she discovers after big-cock sex growing on her thigh, next to her pussy..... "Oh joy, oh rapture! It's so hot, it makes me wet when he licks it right on the head, subtly irritating the pustule to make it grow, fill with more gooey yellow......"
OK, perhaps overly sarcastic....but I'm making a point that it seems only the sledgehammer of obvious sarcasm will convey.
It is well worth the effort to spend the time in editing (perhaps better with someone else doing it in collaboration with you), to weed out the errors of spelling, tense, time, grammar, structure, number and person. More importantly it is, to clean up the writing so the story moves, flows and progresses to a point, an end, or an event without overstating or redundant, repetitive descriptive text.
And it wouldn't hurt you in the least to take this storyline somewhere unexpected. This would move it well out of the class of most cuck stories that are simple rewrites of very old and badly overused plots and storylines. It's to a point on this forum that anything unexpected in a story will garner far more attention and both praise and criticism than probably any other element of the effort.
I dare you!
Polish it 'till it fairly glows in the moonlight. Put a couple of twists, unexpected turns to whip us into a sexual furor.......and see if you like the result.
Clinging to the old, hackneyed, safe stuff suggests either lack of passion, lack of imagination, insecurity about what to write, or some combination of all of these.
Take the road less traveled. It'll make all the difference. (Paraphrased Robert Frost, not original to me, but apropos).
Turning an everyday woman into a hot wife is so wonderful to see. They feel guilty over cuckolding their husband but do a total change once they see, suck, and have some hung stud cock balls deep in them. This hot wife changed by being willing to do new and better things with her lover. Willing to swallow when she does not do that for cuckold. Willing to talk very nasty, when she never did that with cuckold. And she will take this stud lovers thick hot cream in her tight married pussy, when she makes hubby wear rubbers all the time. lol She swears not to tell husband she compared dick size, but he will know. When he eats out her now stretched pussy creampie. She will be sore after this stud, but will be craving more hung stud cock the rest of her life. Like a drug that her pussy and her mind cannot forget.
English
darn truth, how it hurts !
Let's face it, novelty is a powerful aphrodisiac. The husband is a beta male who is betting his marriage that the comfy old shoe appeal will eventually see them through. This story would take a leap forward if later down the road - the new guy's facade starts to develop some apparant flaws. Single studs are often single and on the market for excellent reasons. Matt Moreau did some strong stories on this theme.
For now, I give the author a lot of credit for writing a hot scene, but look forward to extra developments in plot scheme.
It's hard to get the most.....
....out of a story with so much editorial noise in it....very distracting.
Please get some assistance.
"Then", suggests immediate time sequence or reference to the past.
I pressed my manhood into her sweet spot THEN plunged all the way in...
"Than", suggests comparison.
My cock is so much bigger THAN hubbie's, she can't stay away for more than a day.
"Your", suggests ownership.
My cock is longer, fatter and harder than YOUR cock.
"You're", is an abbreviation of 'You are'.
YOU'RE too small to satisfy the wifey, cucky. But I can really make her wail.
There were literally dozens of issues of various kinds, these being the most blatant.
As to the story, your portrayal of the ten thousand betrayals of the first-time hotwife, all in elaborate detail seem a little overdone, my personal dislike for this all-too-often-rehashed storyline, notwithstanding.
I'm almost anticipating a three paragraph repetitive treatise on a pimple she discovers after big-cock sex growing on her thigh, next to her pussy..... "Oh joy, oh rapture! It's so hot, it makes me wet when he licks it right on the head, subtly irritating the pustule to make it grow, fill with more gooey yellow......"
OK, perhaps overly sarcastic....but I'm making a point that it seems only the sledgehammer of obvious sarcasm will convey.
It is well worth the effort to spend the time in editing (perhaps better with someone else doing it in collaboration with you), to weed out the errors of spelling, tense, time, grammar, structure, number and person. More importantly it is, to clean up the writing so the story moves, flows and progresses to a point, an end, or an event without overstating or redundant, repetitive descriptive text.
And it wouldn't hurt you in the least to take this storyline somewhere unexpected. This would move it well out of the class of most cuck stories that are simple rewrites of very old and badly overused plots and storylines. It's to a point on this forum that anything unexpected in a story will garner far more attention and both praise and criticism than probably any other element of the effort.
I dare you!
Polish it 'till it fairly glows in the moonlight. Put a couple of twists, unexpected turns to whip us into a sexual furor.......and see if you like the result.
Clinging to the old, hackneyed, safe stuff suggests either lack of passion, lack of imagination, insecurity about what to write, or some combination of all of these.
Take the road less traveled. It'll make all the difference. (Paraphrased Robert Frost, not original to me, but apropos).
I to, enjoy how women turn into hot wives
Turning an everyday woman into a hot wife is so wonderful to see. They feel guilty over cuckolding their husband but do a total change once they see, suck, and have some hung stud cock balls deep in them. This hot wife changed by being willing to do new and better things with her lover. Willing to swallow when she does not do that for cuckold. Willing to talk very nasty, when she never did that with cuckold. And she will take this stud lovers thick hot cream in her tight married pussy, when she makes hubby wear rubbers all the time. lol She swears not to tell husband she compared dick size, but he will know. When he eats out her now stretched pussy creampie. She will be sore after this stud, but will be craving more hung stud cock the rest of her life. Like a drug that her pussy and her mind cannot forget.
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