Intruders

Patientlee has done it

again, a fresh contribution to Halloween fiction at Literotica.
Is there anyone who hasn't at one time or another experienced a night or time as scary as the one she has described here? If there are people who haven't, those people need to read this story to get just how scary a night can be and just how batty being scared can cause a person to be. A wonderful recounting....a five star tale for sure.

This took me back to a night when I was a child. To this day, I still occasionally wake up in the middle of the night and have to 'talk myself down' so I can move. Excellent story.

Loved it!

Great suspense so agonizingly dragged out. This is the kind of story that puts the 'LIT' in Literotica. Good luck in the contest.

Good story but...

...this is what happens when you drink beer and eat pizza late at night. Just saying.

Thank you for sharing your dream with us. It almost inspires me to do the same but... those pesky site rules. If I can't get some of my stories past them, I know I can't possibly get something straight from my subconscious.

Good story. Spooky.

MST

Well done, pl

Nightmares are no fun, and a bat intruder is even less fun. You did a great job describing that middle of the night feeling that a good nightmare can bring.

You ought to keep a hockey stick close by!

Thanks***

For the read.

Perfect pitch for the voice of irrational fear.

One day, maybe, I'll tell you about a time I was convinced there was a hobo in my basement.

You got the terror and unintentional humor of racing thoughts just right to put me in the protagonist's quaking boots. Great pacing, ended at just the right time in the story. Fantastic job.

Night terrors.

Good read, reminded me of a mystery novel from the fifties.

Scary stuff

I'm such a big baby. This is the only time of year I will intentionally ready scary stories, and yours had that nail biting chill to it. Good job, I have to go sit in the sun for a while now and chase all those shadowy thoughts away :)

You poor lady!

I admit, I laughed my butt off reading this, well in the beginning not so much, but half way through as you were describing all your thoughts? Yep. This was a good mix of funny and scary. Question is...was it really a bat that was in your hair at the end? Or was it...SOMETHING ELSE? :-)

Very good job, loved it!

Sincerely, Payenbrant.

P.S. 5

Very well written. Props to you on the tension and suspense you had going there. And I can totally relate to the spider thing. Had my mind going all over the place trying to figure out the tub angle. Great work!

This story is like a sleep apnea induced nightmare Virginia Woolf had after bad taco meat. Which is to say, very interesting and entertaining in an artistic, avant-garde way. Congratulations for once again stepping outside the box on this one. Your desire to push yourself is why you continually improve as a writer and a storyteller. You are magnificent in that regard. Inspiring even.

Thank you for letting me tag along on your journey, and for bringing a little art and culture to us porn-loving heathens.

Short and spicy

Delivers a solid punch in under a page. The story sneaks up on you with its disarming style and repetitive narrative, but once we get to the end, it has a sting waiting. The spider bit is a plus.

Very real

A horror story I think anyone can relate to. You drew me in to the narrator's head and world, to feel the tension and panic.

Very realistic

I have bouts of insomnia and when I get them there is a point where you are so tired, yet wired, you lay there and you're not sure if you're awake or not. Thoughts and sounds are extremely vivid in those states and your mind runs wild.

This story is dead on to that experience, the not sure if you're dreaming or not, watching the clock move and laying there in the grip of an irrational fear that just seems to keep snowballing. "Was that a shot? What just touched me? What just moved?"

Well done.

Oh my god. I have been there. I have been her! I have been you! Ok, there was never really a bat in my room, but I have been the one frozen in fear, watching the clock, freaking out after every noise, every rustle, every shadow a serial killer just biding his sweet ass time. JUST KILL ME ALREADY! The tension was epic, the humor well placed. You are the goddess of the one page wonders, pl!

Creepy, chilling, unnerving - all three of those words apply. I held my breath through most of it and I'm damn glad I read it during the daytime. My dreams don't need suggestions like this one!

Fog

There's one thing I come away with from reading this, the thing that lingers with me. The mood. There's so much confusion about what is actually going on in the character's perspective, and this achieved the intended effect I think. That screaming voice we hear.... At a glance, this is such a very simple, direct, snapshot of a story. But it tastes familiar... there's this de ja vou feeling to it.

The jumble of events and thoughts, the sense of impending doom or some ominous outcome, all told from such a casual tone. It doesn't exactly link up and make sense... which is EXACTLY why it works. It feels like one of those nightmares that doesn't make sense at all, but does at the same time. Like having just pieces of some larger puzzle, but just a few. What was achieved here was that dread, and the feeling that the reader was actually dreaming this nightmare. That Fog of confusion that hovers is dreams was there. Counting the time down was nice too, in my opinion anyway. Like watching a clock at a mundane work day, but also sweating while watching a bomb tick--simultaneously.

Not much happened here. Not much was exactly told. But holy shit. The dread of a very plausible nightmare was there, and that mood lingered. So you nailed the atmosphere, the feeling. True it was missing eh, erotic content, but this fits horror just fine. Well, dread for sure. I know this. I've had nightmares before, that gave me the same sense of dread that this story did. Well done. Dream witch.

Wow!

Damn Good!

I've had nights like that.

It is scary and sickening at the same time. For me the worst time was in a rental quadruplex I had moved into that afternoon, 2d of January in new town and all that - going to College after getting out of the Army.

Woke up having heard the sound of someone snapping his fingers. I just KNEW there were two of them and the leader had just snapped his fingers to tell one to blast me into kingdom come. Just as I was dozing off from sheer exhaustion, he snapped them again, it went on all night. A real sadist, just waiting for me to come out so he could gut me.

It was the sound the furnace made just before it kicked in.

well done

Very tense, I had to force myself to slow down while reading it as I wanted to rush to the end. Read it with with my fingers-and toes-curled. Good job.