To Be a Statue Ch. 01

looking forward for your next episode, keep writing!

Good start

Too short. You need to do much more. Give us something to digest.

Not bad - needs work

Why is she a statue? It doesn't seem to be necessary to the story. She could just as easily be a bystander or another patron at starbucks.

Also, elaborate on her powers a bit more. You've left the reader just as confused as the couple in your story. You talk about becoming invisible, changing appearance, "fields" around people, etc - none of this is really explained.

You may try to write this in the first person perspective of the statue lady - it might lend itself to more explanation to the reader.

A bit more dialog might be nice too. Or maybe some more insight as to what the couple is thinking and feeling. The video game reference seems out of place, too. Who tells each other stories about mario kart?

And as other people have said: make it longer!

Hope this helps, let me know if you make any changes

Curious start

I'll admit I thought this was going to be a statuephile story, but looking forward to seeing where this goes. Keep writing!

Not Bad

I'm going to wait on my full assessment, since you've just begun. You had a couple of "tense" problems, but nothing atrocious. So far, the people seem well thought out. Why "Statue Lady" is doing what she's doing should be interesting. Your names for "Statue Lady" seemed a little clumsy. She was a statue, by other statues. Would "the Statue Woman" be a better designator? Or just give her a name.

Filthy Phylllis. Board Barbara.

Oops. Sorry. But a real name would allow your reader to focus on her as a person.

Looking forward to your next.