She Teases You With Unhappy Ending

When is lit going to give us minus scores to give?

I hope English is a second language for you.

It it's not then you're about the stupidest SOB I've seen. There are tons of mistakes in this short piece.

This whole story reads like it was written by a 10 yr. old.

I usually try to encourage first-time writers, but in your case that would be a real disservice to you and the readers of Literotica.

Hope this is "The end" to this idiot's postings.

What happens when an intellectually challenged fool is allowed to post.

Worst Ever?

This has to be the worst story ever posted. The content sucked and the writing juvenile. Before you try again, GO TO SCHOOL and learn how to write. Then get an editor!!! Total crap!! Agreed with previous commenter. Can we get a negative number?

Oh yeah, and who the fuck needs a key moron? Divorce the bitch for mental and physical cruelty. Loving wife, not here.

1*

Also today a new baboon was added to the herd of Cuckerotica

tales of the mentally ill arent erotic

best ending they are all permanently removed from the gene pool.

WoW.. Imagine that more fucking loser wimp bullshit for a eunuch.

Not a husband/wife story but a gutless, eunuch/lesbian bitch story in the wrong category. Any fucking idiot that would allow himself to be put into any situation like this needs to step off a curb in front of a truck or bus but making to cancel all life insurance first making sure the bitch doesn't get shit.

Needs a lot of work

Warning: I do not have much good to say but I have never understood why people need to be so insulting in comments. Particularly to first time contributors.

First, Thanks for contributing. It is people like you, willing to share their work, that puts stories here.

I thought the pacing of this was pretty good. You didn't rush into it and we had a sense of the main character's dynamic when the threesome started.

But the writing itself was pretty bad. It came across like English is a second language. If that is the case, wow, you did a lot better than I would have in a foreign tongue. If not, you should try rereading what you write to see how it sounds or trying a writing class where you will get objective criticism.

The plot was not what I would generally enjoy. I think it might have worked better in a different category. And even then, the husbands internal thoughts did not seem to match the character that would put up with a wife treating him like that.

So thanks for trying. I would guess that most if not all of the commenters have not contributed anything better. It is only by trying that we find our limits and push them back.

Bullshit Liars

He specifically asked if he'd get to fuck Rachel, and she said yes. Theit little game is a big lie, and he should fuck her no matter what she says. Period.

Don't matter the grammar

It don't matter the grammar, but i agree that the story is bad and stupid. But with a stupid husband and a stupid wife how could the story not be stupid? This story hasn't future, better end it here.

Good First Story

oK, I know how awful it is for someone to produce an effort like this and not have everyone fawn over it. I thought it was pretty good, especially for a first story. Your detractors are just the nasty people who can't do for themselves. They probably torture kittens, too. If people are going to criticize someone's work, it should be something like, "the story fell a bit short on character development, try doing ...." Not,
"worst story ever" or "give it a minus one."

It is a fun premise, inflicted on a guy who is a willing participant. Keep writing.

This is for LOVING wives

Where is the love? Wrong category, this is fetish! It is also pure crap!! Pity there are no minus stars!

story

I think that they have let things go way to far here as that is a long time to be locked up and it doesn't show much love for him from his wife. granted he does have his fantasies but I don't think they included being locked up for so long. looks like some serious trust issues with his wife here

wow

wow...like dit sooo much......gave it 1*........sheesh...absolutely pathetic

Slave shit is too fetish

Wrong category # 1

Two major things - get an editor and post this crap in Fetish

Because it sure doesn't belong in Loving wives. I'm going to guess that English isn't your first language as you made SO many mistakes that it's almost impossible to read. You also don't seem to understand that Lesbians really don't have any interest in screwing men, so in a Hotel named Lesdom (Did you really mean Femdom?) hubby wouldn't have been expecting to find a woman that was going to have any type of sex with him. In fact, since his bitch wife had "hidden" the key before they left the house, he would have had no expectations of getting any type of sex that night so why would he agree to anything in the Hotel room? And what happened to all the fantasies on his computer? Surly he didn't fantasize about getting mind fucked? Lastly, you seem to know nothing about chastity cages. They're toys. Any idiot with a pair of pliers or a screwdriver removes one in under 30 seconds. So the whole cage things is utter lunacy. Overall this was simply badly conceived and poorly written.
No stars.

Wrong Category

Not exactly sure what category WOULD BE appropriate. Hate to say 'Fetish' because that is the typical troll assignment, but WTF. Also, it is in the wrong language. LIT takes non-English stories.

I heard this as a (fairly brief) joke over 50 years ago, repeated sporatically since then, where the cathouse madam has the guy push money (to get fucked) under the door. When he complains that she didn't open the door, she asks him why he's griping, he says 'I want to get fucked!' She answers 'Again?' A lot better as a short joke than a short story.

Herd of cuckerotica?

It seems to be getting bigger and bigger. 1*

No way

three words---Lock smith and Payback. NO womanly charms could be worth that.

Liked the concept...

but I thought she was going to use a strap-on on him.
You need an editor in the worst way.

3 *'s

Where was it?

Where was the punctuation?

I am the bad author ...

Sorry everyone.

It is true that english is not my first language. It is actually my third language however i do my best. To be honest I created this story a while back for someone and it was written in approx. an hour.

Fair enough, i do agree with the critics and was surprised how much people actually reacted to it.

So YES, the story was full of mistakes and did not had the best writing style.
I will do my best to create something better next time, and do appreciate the worst feedback in the world ;-)

Would I have known that so many people would reply and vote , then I would not have submitted it in the first place. Having said that it does motivate me to write a real story with a nice plot and an unexpected ending.

Probably some readers are thinking now ... please don't :-)

Anyway, should you want to give me bad or good feedback in detail (so that i can learn) then please send it to me in direct

First off, I didn't read your story...

I didn't even skim it. I saw your apology in the comment forum which enticed me to read the comments. Wow! You got hammered.
Since I didn't read the story I can't really give you any advice as to your writing style; however, I would like to address your attitude. Literotica is a world wide site with a readership that reaches into the millions. Why didn't you think your piece would draw attention? You are putting yourself out there. Your story is the only basis by which people here can judge you. It is a reflection of YOU. Why wouldn't you do your very best? You said you wrote it a while ago, yet from the comments I read, it contains multiple mistakes. If English is not your first language, why wouldn't you ask an editor to look it over before submitting?
I am also a terrible writer. It is very unusual for me to just sit down and pound out a story. Most of the time I labor for countless hours, writing and rewriting until I am satisfied. When I submit a story, I feel it's the best I can do. That obviously doesn't mean everyone is going to like it or that's it even a good story, but it is the best I could do and with every critical comment, I learn.
I would suggest, before submitting another story, first decide you're going to write the BEST story you can.

what he said +1

Like laptopwriter said, I too did not read the story but would comment more in general on amateur writing.
You do not get paid for this, yes, but you also do not have a deadline to get it done by.
There was a very old story (contemporary to Doctor Faustus, I think) that I read where one amateur writer tried to make the same excuse.
He was told that since he was not doing it for money he had less reason to not do the best work possible, because he could work on it until it was done right rather than when an employer wanted it done by.

Someone may mention that I have no stories up.
Do you think that I am less critical of my own work?
I know that what I have written does not meet my own standards yet.

Man, that was bad

What is today, the day the worst cucky writers decided to post all at once? I mean it's not even a full story

Please make this your first and last story.

Was fun!

Thanks for posting

unlike tw0cr0ws and laptopwriter

I made the mistake of reading this story.
We can all hope this is a one off, and no sequel will follow.
I really need to learn to read the Tags and comments ahead of the story.

Good start, 3 stars

Nice idea. I love the concept. A lil more info and details would help. Bravo for having 3 languages. Maybe ask a trusted friend here to edit like I see mentioned above some stories. I hope you don't get discouraged. Keep writing! I'd love to hear how she teases and punishes him. Thanks for sharing
j

Nothing I say will add....

....or detract from other comments already posted.
Big mistake, believing that you could submit something here and it would be "no big deal". These folks can be harsh, but this is a forum where submissions that are poorly done and full of mistakes receive many, many more comments, almost all of them harsh and negative than those that are well written, well edited but weak or poor for some other reason. Even the best stories written garner more harsh criticism than they deserve.....mostly because someone dislikes something about the story.
My advice:
1. Take your effort serisously and respect your audience.
2. Do NOT submit anything you would not be proud to submit to a publisher.
3. If you have struggles with language, grammar, sentence structure, tense, person, number, etc. etc., etc., then spend MORE time in editorial work and keep at it until the story and the writing are as perfect as you can make them. THEN ask for someone that is recognized as being expert at writing, or more acurately, editing and work with them to clean up anyhting you missed. Then, when you are both satified that it is as perfect as you can make it, then submit it.

Anyone that tells you the above items do not matter, has either never submitted, is a fool, or has your suffeirng in mind.