Hard to give stars as I just found the writing rather stiff. Part of it is all the passive sentences. Greg is , Cathy is, etc etc.
Let the characters breathe and live their life instead of having a narrator tell it for them all the time.
by
Anonymous10/15/14
Interesting start ...
I quite like your set up; unfortunately your narrative is confusing and not altogether clear. It seems like you're rushing to tell the story - take a deep breath and tell each part of the tale completely. You've got a very interesting start, give it legs. With respect to your dialogue, read it to yourself and if it sounds like writing, start over. All the best!
by
Anonymous10/18/14
Lived in Devon twice
Cant say as i liked it either time lol,, in EDM now ,, cant say as i like it here any better
Connie-Ann, Don't worry about the nay Sayers, you are doing fine. It's a process and it takes time as any new experience does, Create the story/fantasy in your mind then try to write each detail; remember good sex not only feels, it tastes, it smells, it sounds. The first time your mouth was flooded with semen it must have felt warm and creamy, maybe even thick; it probably tasted salty and had a very distinct aroma. Did it come in spurts or gush?
English
kinda stiff
Hard to give stars as I just found the writing rather stiff. Part of it is all the passive sentences. Greg is , Cathy is, etc etc.
Let the characters breathe and live their life instead of having a narrator tell it for them all the time.
Interesting start ...
I quite like your set up; unfortunately your narrative is confusing and not altogether clear. It seems like you're rushing to tell the story - take a deep breath and tell each part of the tale completely. You've got a very interesting start, give it legs. With respect to your dialogue, read it to yourself and if it sounds like writing, start over. All the best!
Lived in Devon twice
Cant say as i liked it either time lol,, in EDM now ,, cant say as i like it here any better
You are doing fine
Connie-Ann, Don't worry about the nay Sayers, you are doing fine. It's a process and it takes time as any new experience does, Create the story/fantasy in your mind then try to write each detail; remember good sex not only feels, it tastes, it smells, it sounds. The first time your mouth was flooded with semen it must have felt warm and creamy, maybe even thick; it probably tasted salty and had a very distinct aroma. Did it come in spurts or gush?
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